Fragmented Endings

My daughter woke up last night with a stomach ache. As we lay on the couch waiting to see if anything developed I was wide awake. In the silence of the hour, my mind was free to wander and it began  processing the history of the last five years. As I finished reflecting, I realized that I have 3 major areas that feel like fragmented endings. It is as if they were once beautiful glass mirrors and they were thrown full force on the ground and shattered. What I am left standing with is a handful of jagged pieces; the remains of seemingly broken dreams. 

I've learned (and continue to learn) to take those pieces to my Lord and I did once again last night. As I did, I had a greater understanding of Scripture and what it means when it says it is living and active. As I reflected on my history in light of Scripture, they were no longer written words rather they were truths embedded in my life: lived, breathed, cried and strained through. I also realized with a greater appreciation that Scripture is like a road map; as you are walking through life, you can easily get disoriented by the events at hand and you look up crying, "Why God?" Then you look at the map of Scripture and you are settled once again by the fact that others have walked this way before you, have had tragedy and failure and yet God remained faithful in love and comfort even through the darkness. 

Hebrews 11:36-40

³⁶ Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. ³⁷ They were put to death by stoning;^[e] they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins,destitute, persecuted and mistreated—³⁸ the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.

³⁹ These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, ⁴⁰ since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. 

Coming out of this five year period, I relate more with the last half of Hebrews 11, emerging with disappointment and loss. But as I stand holding my jagged pieces, the Lord has placed me in fellowship with others that too are holding jagged pieces. In that place, I find myself once again living, breathing and walking out Scripture:  

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God

And I remember calling over the hundreds of miles to comfort and say, "I'm sorry for your loss. I've been there, too. And even if you can't feel it or see it right now - you are loved."

And I sit in my beautiful church body, feeling loved, refreshed and renewed and I am given a glimpse. Last year they were about to close their doors but God breathed new life on them and allowed them to keep their doors open. As I sit listening, tears running down my cheeks, I remembering my own years of prayers - asking for a place where we could feel at home - and I can see with a tiny glimmer of joy how The Lord took our jagged, fragmented endings and He is continuing to weave them with others to create a beautiful story of redemption. 

As I walk away from it all, I realize this is not the end. That I do not stand alone but rather am part of a beautiful body, the body of Christ. I stand with others,

past, present and future who are walking this journey of life filled by the love of God  indwelling them. As much as we are individuals loved and saved by his grace we only live and breathe as One in Him. Right now we stand incomplete, holding our jagged endings but one day we will all see clearly that: Only together with us would they be made perfect. 

13 Thoughts for 2013: Part 13 The Finale

Romans 14:19

19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

It is hard for me to believe that this series 13 Thoughts for 2013 began way back in January.  Little did I know when I started it that the Lord was taking me on a journey and that these verses would be progressive stepping stones for me.  The journey through these verses included many tears, sleepless nights and wrestling out these truths in His presence.  I hope that I have emerged refined by the process.

This journey is sealed with a truth that is for the ages: Let us make EVERY effort to lead to peace and the edification of others.

As I was finalizing this post, I came across these thoughts found in Tell it Slant by Eugene Peterson, which seal the process that I have been in over the last 6 months:

Prayer accomplishes with us, within our spirits, deep within our souls, what is later lived out in the circumstances and conditions of our obedience.  A stiff upper lip won't do it.  A fierce resolve won't do it.  An exemplary life won't do it.

Prayer goes beneath the surface and penetrates the heart of the matter... When we pray we willingly participate in what God is doing, without knowing precisely what God is doing, how God is doing it, or when we will know what is going on - if ever (pg.237)

May this prayer by Saint Patrick lead you and guide you as you journey on in Christ:

 As I arise today,

may the strength of God pilot me,

the power of God uphold me,

the wisdom of God guide me.

May the eye of God look before me,

the ear of God hear me,

the word of God speak for me.

May the hand of God protect me,

the way of God lie before me,

the shield of God defend me,

the host of God save me.

May Christ shield me today.

Christ with me, Christ before me,

Christ behind me,

Christ in me, Christ beneath me,

Christ above me,

Christ on my right, Christ on my left,

Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit,

Christ when I stand,

Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,

Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,

Christ in every eye that sees me,

Christ in every ear that hears me.

Amen

In Christ,

13 Thoughts for 2013: Part 12 Being Single-minded

Romans 14:17b-18

(God's Kingdom) It’s what God does with your life as he sets it right, puts it together, and completes it with joy. Your task is to single-mindedly serve Christ. Do that and you’ll kill twobirds with one stone: pleasing the God above you and proving your worth to the people around you.

I love the beautiful interchange that takes place in these short two verses.  It starts out letting us know what God's Kingdom is:

• a work in progress
• intiated and being completed by God
• a making of things right
• being done in joy

It seems so simple yet profound and so often we miss it and instead make it harder than it needs to be.  Once again Paul reminds us that God has started this, God is doing the work and we've been invited to ride along in joy.  Our only task: to SINGLE-MINDEDLY serve Christ.

I just finished The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawerence and I was struck when he said he made it his mission to never think an evil thought and to only think thoughts of love.  If I put that into practice, I think 75% of my thought life would be X'd out and I wouldn't have much to talk about!  But it also jarred me to consider what it means to serve Christ, in my thought life and to truly let the beauty of who He is rule and reign even in the places where no one else can see.  The verse above and Brother Lawerence's example will only result in blessing for ourselves and others.  So as we walk away from this, let us be reminded that:

We have this treasure in clay jars,

so that it may be made clear that this

extraordinary power belongs to God

and does not come from us.

from 2 Corinthians 4



In Christ,

13 Thoughts for 2013: Part 11 Being Changed Inwardly

Romans 14:10-14

So where does that leave you when you criticize a brother? And where does that leave you when you condescend to a sister? I’d say it leaves you looking pretty silly—or worse. Eventually, we’re all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. Your critical and condescending ways aren’t going to improve your position there one bit. Read it for yourself in Scripture:

“As I live and breathe,” God says,
    “every knee will bow before me;
Every tongue will tell the honest truth
    that I and only I am God.”

So tend to your knitting. You’ve got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God.

Forget about deciding what’s right for each other. Here’s what you need to be concerned about: that you don’t get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is. I’m convinced—Jesus convinced me!—that everything as it is in itself is holy. We, of course, by the way we treat it or talk about it, can contaminate it.

I think all these words are very powerful and can hit us all differently depending upon where we are at but for this post I want to focus on how it challenges us to look inward.

As always, these verses do not stand alone and they are written in the context of what we've already been looking at in the previous 10 posts: That God is challenging us to wake up and join Him on His mission to spread His love to all - even the nobodies.  In the verses above God clearly establishes and reminds us once again that yes, He is God and He has everything in control; that in the end every knee will bow and acknowledge that truth.  I think sometimes as Christians we forget this and we look at places where we see evil reigning and all we want to do it squelch it. 

But these verses state that our hands are full taking care of our own lives.  As we sit before God's word allowing the author and perfecter of our faith full access to our hearts He will bring that change that is needed a change of a heart that can do what God has invited us to do:

Romans 12:17-21

¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. ¹⁸ If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. ¹⁹ Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ ²⁰ No, ‘if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.’ ²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Let us take time to sit before His presence looking inward so we can receive the grace we need to love outward. 

In Christ,

13 Thoughts for 2013: Part 10 Seeing the Individual

Romans 14:1

Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do or say something you don’t agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.

I have lived on both sides of this verse and the end results have been very different.  In my younger years, I thought Christianity was all about being right.  I could argue with people about theological issues for hours and I know that in the process, I hurt people.  In particular, I remember, having a discussion with my younger sister where a group of us were discussing the role psychology and medication played in a Christian's life.  At times, the discussion got heated and for me it was about winning and being right.  Unbeknownst to me at the time, she had been a victim of rape and she was suffering under keeping this a secret from our family.  In hindsight, it is quite obvious to me why she felt she had to carry this burden on her own. My heart has grieved many times over the last 8 years for the ways the spirit of religion  closed the door for her to immediately come to her Christian family and receive love, acceptance and help in her time of need.

Her story has been one of the ways the Lord has slowed my tongue and opened my ears to hear, love and accept other believers.  Unfortunately, it is not the only incidence of missing someone's heart in my passion to be right, but as always, I am thankful that the Lord is a teacher and a Redeemer and as we stop to listen and walk in His ways we are changed by His grace.

As I stop to look back over my past and see what has changed in me, I realize that one of the main things is understanding my security in Christ.  Before, when I'd argue with people, I was arguing from a place of position that was secured in "my truth."  I was sure that I was on God's side about a particular issue and for anyone to rock that boat for me caused panic.  But as God settled my heart in Himself, over and over again, freaking out has become less frequent, though my husband can attest to the fact that I can still get flustered.  But these moments of flustering usually come when I take my eyes off of people and I am just trying to be right.  

The understanding that I am secure in Christ because of He first loved me, has opened the door for me to minister to many different women.  As a result, they have taken the time to be vulnerable with me and to tell their story.  With each new story I hear, an increasing ferocity for protection of these precious hearts rises up in me.  They don't need to be brought to the truth through argument rather they need to be treated with love, honor and respect as precious children of God.  I will gladly admit that it is a whole lot harder to love than it is to argue about being right.  But the most "life-change" I've ever seen has come out of the arena of love not the arena of argument.

Once again a quote from Henri Nouwen puts the words I am fighting for in this post into beautiful succinctness:

In solitude we can listen to the voice of Him who spoke to us  before we could speak a word, who healed us before we could make any gesture to help, who set us free long before we could free others, and who loved us long before we could give love to anyone.  It is in this solitude that we discover that being is more important than having, and that we are worth more than the results of our efforts.  In solitude we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared.  It's there we recognize that the healing words we speak are not just our own but are given to us; that the love we can express is part of a greater love; and that the new life we bring forth is not a property to cling to, but a gift to be received. (from Mornings with Henri Nouwen).

So remember:

In Christ,

P.S. If you have been a victim of rape, first of all I am truly sorry.  If you have never spoken out, please find a trusted friend to open up to.  You can read and listen to my sister's story at that link.  While she never received justice from her perpetrators, she has opened and continues to open wide the door in the political realm for victims.