Gentle Beauty

Romans 2:4 (NCV)

Perhaps you do not understand that God is kind to you so you will change your hearts and lives.

If someone were to observe me for several days they would begin to notice something about me; I am one who follows the sun.  It starts in the morning. My husband and I’s bedroom faces the rising sun and especially right now the bright glorious sunrise kisses me awake every morning.   

As I start my work day, I open all of the shades in my house and plant myself in the chair that is nearest the glorious rising sun.  Sometimes this will involve me switching between a couple chairs and squeezing myself smaller and smaller to get the last bits of direct sunshine as the sun begins to fade.  If the weather is warm enough, I’ll take my computer out on the back deck and sit in a chair that is still exposed to the sun.  As the day progresses, the sun switches to shining on the front end of my home, so I will then move to the front room or porch to soak in the sun.  Again, if the weather is warm enough, you will find me sitting smack dab in the middle of a sunny spot.  

Towards the end of the day, you will find me searching for a glorious sunset.  We usually get one out our front window or if I’m lucky enough I will drive to the lake so I can sit and watch the sunset.  I told my daughter that a perfect day for me, would be chasing an everlasting sunset.

The start of the day in the sunshine is like a gentle kiss from my Savior.   After my niece’s death 6 years ago I went through a season where it physically hurt my heart to get out of bed.  In sorrow and confusion, darkness was what I seemed to constantly feel in my heart.  During this painful season the Lord gave me Psalm 19:

1-6 (NCV):

The heavens declare the glory of God, and the skies

Announce what his hands have made.  Day after day

They tell the story;

Night after night they tell it again.

They have no speech or words;

They have no voice to be heard.

But their message goes out through all the world;

Their words go everywhere on earth.

The sky is like a home for the sun.

The sun comes out like a bridegroom from his bedroom.

It rejoices like an athlete eager to run a race.

The sun rises at one end of the sky and follows its path

to the other end.

Nothing hides from its heat.

This is where I began each day during that difficult season.  Reading this Scripture daily as the sun rose in my bedroom.  I loved the image of the sun coming out like a bridegroom from his bedroom.  The announcement of the sky.   

There was a joy, a joy that continued daily and didn’t fail.  A joy that started each day, and did not grow tired nor decide to check out and take a day off.  It didn’t get disillusioned by life; there was something greater than all the sorrows of this life that was worth announcing day by day.  His creation spoke a message, a silent yet powerful message, and this is where I sat my heart for a season.  As the sun rose, I lay in bed and allowed the message of the sun’s joy in life to speak to my heart.

Another reason, I fell in love with this Psalm because from the very beginning it drew me in with its gentle peace but also because it continued on tying His creation to the power of His word (7-10):

The teachings of the Lord are perfect;

They give new strength.

The rules of the LORD can be trusted; they make plain people wise.

The orders of the LORD are right;

They make people happy.

The commands of the LORD are pure;

They light up the way.

Respect for the LORD is good; it will last forever.

The judgements of the LORD are true;

They are completely right.

They are worth more than gold, even the purest gold.

They are sweeter than honey, even the finest honey.

Just as I could rest in the faithfulness of His creation, I too could rest my heart in the faithfulness and beauty of His Word.  His teachings were perfect.  They give strength.  His Word could be trusted.

When your heart has been through a war, there needs to be a time for healing.  Psalm 19 provided a safe place for my heart to heal.  It allowed me to take the extravagant beauty that I can so easily see around me and parallel it to Scripture.

There are benefits and pitfalls to being a Christian your entire life.  It provides a solid foundation that takes a lot to demolish.  However, you also get exposed to LOTS of versions of Christianity some really good stuff and some not so good.  Combine all that information with a perfect storm of tragedy and your heart, mind, soul and spirit can end up a mess.  What I learned (and still learn) is that Jesus is a gentle Savior, who knows how to gently and patiently untie the greatest of messes.  Just as I place my body physically in the light of the sun every day, spiritually, you will find me too following the Son.  Immersing myself in His Word; knowing that my understanding or use of it won’t always be perfect or clear.  But what I do know is that it is trustworthy, it is pure and it does light up my way.

In Christ,

With New Eyes

The Sermon on the Mount has been in the forefront of my mind the last several weeks, and I have been loving it.  I'll admit that there was a time in my life, when coming to that entire section filled me with dread, fear and condemnation.  But it no longer does that, instead it fills me with excitement and a desire to say, "Yes and Amen" to God's Kingdom, what He is doing in it and how He has invited us to participate.  Some of the leading influences in this excitement and changed perspective has come from NT Wright's 40 days of Lent, Todd Hunter's sermon Beatitudes (Feb 2, 2014), The Message's version of the sermon on the Mount and my own reflections on my life via the Holy Spirit.

The following post will be snippets from Matthew 5 with my own reflections interjected in-between.  I hope you enjoy:

I must start with the end, before I get to the beginning, because the end frames it up so well:

48 Live out your God-created identity. 

Live generously and graciously toward others,

 the way God lives toward you.

This is what Jesus is inviting us to throughout the Sermon on the Mount, in fact throughout His whole life as He proclaims, "God's Kingdom come on earth."

I got to get away this past weekend for a Women's Retreat with my church.  During the silent retreat time, I was overwhelmed by God's faithfulness to me and to my life.  I was filled with utter joy.  The past 10 years of my life have been filled with many hard, hopeless, tear-filled days.  There were times where I did not want to get out of bed because the pain in my heart was so deep.  But as I reflected on these times and the things that I have learned through it - I have realized that I have emerged with a deep trust in God's heart and His love for me and those who surround me.  This conviction has partially come from living out the truths found in the Sermon on the Mount.  I have realized that the very words of Jesus are true and living and do produce the life-giving Kingdom that He has promised.

Here are a few of the snippets that jumped out at me as I read through Matthew 5 this morning:

vs 5  “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are

—no more, no less. 

That’s the moment you find yourselves 

proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

Learning to be content in my own skin, with who God has created me has been one of the treasured lessons I have received out of this journey.

vs 6-9

6 “You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. 

He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.

7 “You’re blessed when you care. 

At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ 

you find yourselves cared for.

8 “You’re blessed when you get your inside world

—your mind and heart—

put right. 

Then you can see God in the outside world.

9 “You’re blessed when you can show people 

how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. 

That’s when you discover who you really are, 

and your place in God’s family.

This joy and love for God and His kingdom is being awakened during the season of Lent. Celebrating Lent is a fairly new concept for my faith-walk but it has been a beautiful experience.  As my pastor said during our Ash Wednesday service - Lent is not about beating yourself up and punishing yourself to try and get yourself to be acceptable before God.  Rather it is placing your sin at His feet and listening for His words of truth over you.  So as I've entered into this season - I have stopped to listen with new eyes and fresh ears to what God has to say, instead of my preconceived notions of what I think He should say.  The difference is beautiful.

Let me tell you why you are here. 

You’re here to be salt-seasoning that 

brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? 

14-16 “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. 

 If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? 

I’m putting you on a light stand.

 Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! 

For me, Lent is a season to reflect on these truth of being salt and light and remembering that I get to shine.  The spaces where godliness has diminished I get to bring before Him and let Him fix, heal and teach me.  For He says,

“Don’t suppose for a minute that I have come to demolish the Scriptures—either God’s Law or the Prophets. 

I’m not here to demolish but to complete. 

I am going to put it all together, pull it all together in a vast panorama.

God’s Law is more real and lasting than the stars in the sky and the ground at your feet. 

Long after stars burn out and earth wears out, God’s Law will be alive and working.

God's way seems backwards and sometimes it is hard.  And that's where this trust and understanding of what He is up to makes all the difference in the world:

You’re familiar with the command to the ancients, 

‘Do not murder.’ 

I’m telling you that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder. 

Carelessly call a brother ‘idiot!’ and you just might find yourself hauled into court. 

Thoughtlessly yell ‘stupid!’ at a sister and you are on the brink of hellfire.

The simple moral fact is that words kill.

This is not about the tit-and-tat of the law.  Rather it is about understanding the power we have as image-bearers of God.  The power of our words and of our hearts.  Self-indulgence in what feels good for the moment can have long-lasting negative effects on those we love (and do not love).  How then can we love?

“You’re familiar with the old written law, 

‘Love your friend,’ 

and its unwritten companion, 

‘Hate your enemy.’ 

I’m challenging that. 

I’m telling you to love your enemies. 

Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. 

When someone gives you a hard time,

respond with the energies of prayer, 

for then you are working out of your true selves, 

your God-created selves. 

This is what God does. 

He gives his best

—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—

to everyone, regardless: 

the good and bad, 

the nice and nasty. 

So we have come full circle.  Back to where we started:

Live out your God-created identity. 

Live generously and graciously toward others, 

the way God lives toward you.

My conclusion is that coming to know how God feels about me has enabled me to walk this out in my own life and as a result I am enjoying the fruits of this kind of living.  Even in the midst of the difficulties, the unknown, the darkness and the questions - clinging to God's way, loving the way that He loves - it is worth it.

In Christ,




All Scripture has come from BibleGateway's website.

Lessons from my children: 3 Letting Go

I currently am teaching Mercea how to play the piano.  The other day, she initiated practice and we went to play.  She was completely excited, sitting straight up, giddy, perfect attention!  I was excited too.  Then the phone rang.  I answered the phone, and Mercea went off to play while I took care of the phone call.  By the time I got off, Mercea had come up with a whole new idea of what she wanted to do.  I said, that we couldn't do it; the task would make a mess (surprise) and that we were going to resume playing piano.  She was none to happy about it.

She returned to the piano but her attitude was completely different.  She was slouched down, hair over her eyes, and lip sticking out.  Remember, 5 minutes earlier I had a perfectly happy, delighted little girl that wanted to play the piano?  Now, because of an event, completely unrelated to the piano, she no longer was in the place where she could participate in playing the piano.

The conversation I had on the phone between this transition was about the book Journey of Desire.  My co-leader was asking me if I had read the chapter yet called, "Letting Go."  I had not read it at that time.  However, after the conversation, I had a pretty good visual representation of the topic of that chapter.

Because, Mercea, was hanging on to her disappointment it was completely effecting the task she was supposed to be doing.  She was not able to participate wholeheartedly because she was still hanging on to the disappointment from not getting her way.  Even though the 2 events were completely unrelated it was still connected because of the way it was influencing her attitude. 

So yes, it was a right on visual for me.  I can completely relate.  Disappointment has become an underlying attitude for me.  I know the Lord has asked me to continue in some things, but I am only joining in half-hearted because I haven't and frankly don't want to let go of my disappointment.  Of course that chapter, in Journey of Desire, was about God bringing John to the realization that he needed to let go and God had another path for him to walk on.  But unlike I assumed, that God wanted me to suck it up and move on, it is becoming very clear that He wants to hear all about it and then He is inviting me to trust him.

So I want to share some quotes from the chapter "Letting Go" that shows the process that I am walking through:

• Being content is not pretending that everything is the way you wish it would be; it is not acting as though you have no wishes.  Rather, it is no longer being ruled by your desires (180).
• "I want to predict what the Lord is going to do, so that it doesn't hurt so bad when it happens." we grasp onto perfectionism to avoid pain and disappointment.  It only makes matters worse.  So what do we do?  How do we live with desire we cannot take care of and heartache we cannot prevent?  We groan and wait (Romans 8:22-25)  (184)
• To wait is to learn the spiritual grace of detachment, the freedom of desire.  Not the absence of desire, but desire at rest (185).
• The paradox of grief is that it is healing; it somehow restores our souls, when all the while we thought it would leave us in despair (188).
• The time has come for us to quit playing chess with God over our lives.  There are two kinds of losses in our lives, the kind that comes to everyone that we have no say in and chosen loss.  Chosen loss is when we give our lives to the only One who can truly keep them.  Spiritual surrender is not resignation.  It is not choosing to care no longer.  Nor is it Eastern mysticism, an attempt to get beyond the suffering of this life by going completely numb.  It is surrender with desire, in desire. (192-193)
• True surrender is not an easy out, calling it quits early in the game.  This kind of surrender comes only after the night of wrestling.  It comes only after we open our hearts to care deeply.  Then we choose to surrender, or give over our hearts, our deepest desires to God.  And with them we give our hearts, our deepest selves.  (194)

Thanks for reading where I am in process.

In Christ,

Recommended Book: Journey of Desire

Twice a month, I co-lead a Women's Group in my home.  This summer we had the privilege of going through the book Journey of Desire by John Eldredge.  It was an amazing time and I think I can fairly say that all of us ladies received a lot from it and are still reveling in the beauty of the truths.

Journey of Desire was written by John the year after his best friend Brent tragically died in a rock climbing accident.  Beautifully interwoven throughout the book is the journey that John went through in his thought processes during that year.  The book discusses how God has given us desires and how to keep desire alive in the process of life and all the hardships life throws our way.  It acknowledges that sometimes it is way easier to curl up and stop caring.  But it also tenderly speaks to the truth of who God is and what He desires for our lives and while acknowledging the pain it challenges us to keep going.  Unlike the book I read earlier this year Why is God Ignoring Me?, I truly believe this book acknowledges and is comfortable with the depth of pain that people can be in and tenderly calls us forth to life again.

I believe this book is a tool of the ministry of Jesus described in Matthew 12:20:

A bruised reed he will not break,

and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out,

till he leads justice to victory.

Finally, I believe this book is a great book to do with a friend or a group.  There is so much in it, that I believe for you to receive the fullness of it, you should be discussing it with others as you go through.

In Christ,

In the desert places

Desert by Steve Phillips

This year has been the hardest year of my life. In a span of 12 months I watched 5 people die (2 of which I was in the room while they were passing on to the next life) 2 people of cancer and 3 young children whose lives were torn away way too soon for earthly understanding. These events have stripped me to the core and has placed the desire in me to know God even in the midst of tragedy; are you still there God?

Throughout this year I've felt God's wooing presence but this weekend had an impact on me like no other. This weekend I attended my church's Women's Retreat and on Sunday the speaker, Barbara Sandiford, talked about being Betrothed to God. When I returned from the retreat guess what this week's topic in my Breaking Free just happened to be? Being the Bride of Christ. I just had to smile at God and say, "I hear you speaking, I'm starting to get it. I want to be your bride."

You might be starting to think what in the world does being in a desert place have to do with being the bride of Christ? What I've learned through this weekend's retreat and my devotional study has confirmed in me that the evidence of the desert places I've experienced has not shown an abandonment of God to me and my circumstances but He is right there and in fact He is inviting me to know Him and experience Him in an even more intimate way then I ever have before.

Jeremiah 2:2
I remember the devotion of your youth,
how as a bride you loved me
and followed me through the desert,
through a land not sown.

Ladies, do you remember what it was like when you fell in love with your spouses? You would follow them anywhere and do anything for them. In Jeremiah 2:2 God is reminding the people that when they understood His love they would be willing to walk into those desert places with Him, they would follow Him anywhere.

Hosea 2:14-15
Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor (trouble) a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
"In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master. '

There words have done untold wonders for my heart.

Even though I walk through the Valley

of the shadow of death I will fear no evil,

thy road and thy staff they comfort me (Psalm 23:4).

God does not abandon us in the valleys. He instead extends His hands towards us and invites us to know Him in an even more intimate way; to trust Him with our whole hearts and walk through those times holding His hands and letting Him love on us as a lover loves on His bride. I have said yes and taken His hand, how about you?

The Rockets Red Glare

This one is for my "3rd sister" Amber.

In case you don't know this about me, I've been on a journey pressing in to understand what healing means for today. I read the Bible and hear what God does throughout the OT and NT in regards to miracles and I hear Jesus say "if you ask anything in my name it will be done" & "greater things than this shall you do in my name." I personally am unsatisfied with the level of "miraculous healing" in our time. Don't get me wrong, I see the hand of God move often and in situations but I never ever want to settle for second best. I want to see the dead raised, cancer healed & the lame walk ~ which brings me to my post today.

My "sister" Amber has had a hard year. Her 2 year old nephew died from complications to a disease he had. Her sister just miscarried at 15 weeks along. Throughout this year she has pressed on, fully giving God glory and trusting in His sovereignty. I admire her and all of her courage.

I am not an expert in the least but here are the thoughts that I am leaning on in this stage in my spiritual journey. We are in a battle and sometimes we lose. Unfortunately, the church seems to be losing more than winning and this losing truly effects the lives of real people in real ways. I thank the Lord that He is our Comforter and He will sustain us. To me, however, these are battles that we have lost but for those of us left fighting may these losses push us on to keep fighting and begin winning.

I was at a basketball game the other night and I was singing along with the "Star Spangled Banner" and was caught up in the words "and the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air gave proof to the night that our flag was still there." We sing this song all the time to remind us of the cost of our freedom. Real people died on that night, and in all the battles fought for our freedom. And now I am sitting comfortably with my two kids watching a basketball game without a care in the world. The cost of other people's lives and belief in the dream and fight purchased our freedom for us.

It is my sincere pray that the "ones we have lost" are not lost in vain rather that those of us left fighting will keep fighting for freedom. In addition I pray, that my children's generation will receive the benefits of us fighting for the reality of God's miraculous freedom in America. That they can know healing as commonplace instead of the "far between" that it is today.

So even in this battle may we remember: "As the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air gave proof to the night that the cross was still there."