Confidence in Christ

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Even as I write the title to this post, I cringe at the cliché those words can bring.  We need to have confidence in Christ can sound so spiritual and heady that even as the words drift off the page they easily get tangled up into our misconceptions and misunderstandings:  

“Yes, I need to have more confidence in Christ.  I will work on that and put it at the top of my to-do list.  As the day goes by, I will try to remind myself that I need to have more confidence in Christ.”

While words are powerful, it is easy to mix them up with misunderstanding and rip the mystery and depth right out of them.

In the past 5 years, I have fallen in love with liturgy and the church calendar.  These were tools that facilitated the renewal of my tired heart.  Liturgy has challenged me, it has centered me, it has calmed me and it has given me confidence in Christ.  

I have written before about why I love Daily Prayer, so I won’t go into all the reasons again, other than to say I still find myself in love with it.  It weaves all of Scripture together for me on a daily basis, the Psalms, Old Testament, New Testament and the Gospel.  I’m reminded daily that I am part of a story that is bigger than I am and that this great Creator has been intimately involved in human history for thousands of years and He will still be there when I am long gone. 

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“If there is anywhere on earth a lover of God who is always kept safe, I know nothing of it, for it was not shown to me. But this was shown: that in falling and rising again we are always kept in that same precious love.” ― Julian of Norwich

We live in a world of heartbreaking news.  There is no way to wrap our minds and reality around the tragic events that plague our world.  I read in the news about 200 Nigerian girls who have been raped and tortured for months and then I look across the room at my daughter, the same age no doubt as some of these children, who is carefree and loved.  And my heart cries out, “Why not the same for them?  Why did their childhood have to be torn away?”  And I pray for their precious babies, conceived in horror, will they find a life where they are loved, embraced and cherished?

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As these words wrap around me, I begin reading Paul.  I’ve come to realize that there are some in the Church who view Paul as harsh and demanding.  They can never quite measure up to “his expectations.”  But I think that for many who feel that way it happens because they have separated these holy words from the story of life.  Somewhere along the way we’ve lost the mystery, the awe and the beauty of Scripture because we have turned it into merely a rule book that reminds us of how far short we still are from God’s beauty and holiness. Instead of an invitation to learn about God’s love.

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I have found no other way to experience life in my own life apart from Christ.

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But I love Paul and he no longer strikes me in this way.  He is passionate and he struggles with putting words around the beauty and mystery of the cross.  He has seen human history, he has studied religious history, and he understands firsthand how cruel humanity can be.  Yet he has fallen in love with a Saviour whom he is willing to die for.  When he sees humanity putting confidence in themselves and selling short the beauty and mystery of the cross, yes, he does get upset and expresses it.  But I don’t see it as an angry, why don’t you get your act together?  Rather I see it as a cry “What can I do to make you see with my eyes?  What must I do to make you understand?”

Ephesians 2: 1- 9

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, ² in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. ³ All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh^[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. ⁴ But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵ made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. ⁶ And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, ⁷ in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

So what does confidence in Christ mean to me?  It is something that is always changing, growing and challenging me.  But it means learning to rest in the beauty of who He is and learning to walk in His love.  

Love not guilt, 

grace not shame, 

mercy not me trying harder. 

Loving the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and my neighbor as myself.  

Starting here, always, every day, every hour, every minute.  

He loves us (period).  

He loves us – believe it.  

He loves us – accept it.  

He loves you, yes you.

Let’s start there. Let’s live it out as reality in our lives so we have something to offer this brokenhearted world, to bring life, hope and healing to their hearts.  Sometimes I think we are so busy fighting our own hearts, our own weaknesses that we find ourselves with nothing left to offer.  But perhaps if our confidence was in Christ alone we could walk forward offering the Bread of Life, the water that is free and available to all who are weary & thirsty.  

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Drink deep His love.  It is healing, it is real, it is life-giving and it is the hope our real world needs.

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“God loved us before he made us; and his love has never diminished and never shall.” ― Julian of Norwich

So I end this post with a song, “Looking for You” by the Lone Bellow.  I have fallen in love with this haunting song and I’ve wanted to share it with you all.  I don’t know the intention behind this song, but for me I see it as a call from Christ’s love to our hearts.  Sometimes we are captured more easily by music then words alone.  If you are feeling lost and broken, maybe this song will minister to your heart and encourage you to put your trust in Christ’s love. 

In Christ,

Relishing in His Goodness and Beauty

I feel like I'm having an "epiphany" of sorts.  Some of my ways of thinking are being shaped, squished and reformed all at once by various sources.  However, as I step back and reflect on it all, I see the fingerprints of God all over this reshaping.

I don't know if you've ever experienced something like this, but I feel like half of myself is stepping away and evaluating my other half.  I am watching "how I've lived" in my thought life and I'm asking if this has been the right way or if perhaps there is a better way.  The "how I've lived" has been shaped by a quiet fear of the unknown, fear of everything suddenly crashing down and as a result even in the moments of great joy, I find myself holding back a little back because I somehow think that if I get too excited it might all fall apart.  So my thought process is, "If I don't get too high in my enjoyment, then when I fall it won't hurt so much." As I step back from these thoughts and evaluate them, I realize that I am allowing the unknown, the fear of the future steal my present joy.

In my edge of the world, spring has managed to sneak through on a few days and on one absolutely gorgeous day, I was on a run when I was struck by the beauty that surrounded me - the green grass, the beautiful blue sky, the singing birds, the cool breeze and the frogs croaking in the pond.  It was one of those moments of complete joy, where at the same time I found myself hesitating from entering in and then I questioned myself, "If the ratio of God's goodness and beauty far exceeds the moments of evil and sadness, why do I find myself more occupied with the thoughts and fears of evil than resting in the beauty of God's grace, goodness and beauty that constantly surrounds?"

The day after I asked myself this question, I was bombarded (in a good way) by Scripture and I was overwhelmed as I saw the invitation of God to live not in a place of constantly being prepared for the bottom to drop out, but rather being able to relish in His goodness:

from Psalm 139:

You encompass me behind and before

and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

so high I cannot attain it.

from Psalm 146:

The Lord looses those that are bound;

the Lord opens the eyes of the blind; the Lord lifts up

those who are bowed down; the Lord loves the righteous...

the Lord shall reign forever.

from Isaiah 61:

To give them a garland instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

the mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit, that

they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord,

that he may be glorified.

from Proverbs 4:

I have taught you the way of wisdom;

I have led you in the paths of uprightness.

When you walk, your step will not be hampered;

and if you run, you will not stumble.  Keep hold of instruction;

do not let go; guard her for she is your life...

the path of the righteous is like the light of the dawn, which shines

brighter and brighter until full day.

from Luke 1:

This was the oath God swore to our father Abraham:

to set us free from the hands of our enemies, free to worship without fear,

holy and righteous in his sight all the days of our lives.

from Exodus 15:

In your unfailing love, O Lord, 

you lead the people whom you have redeemed. And by

your invincible strength you will guide

them to your holy dwelling.

You will bring them in and plant them, O Lord,

in the sanctuary which your hands have established.

from 1 Peter 2:

For you were going astray like sheep, but

now you have returned to the shepherd and guardian of your souls.

These Scriptures overwhelmed me with the grace of God and His promises to lead and guide His people.  I realized that I am unable to contain the glory of God in my small meager self - it far, far exceeds any capacity that I have.  Yet that inability does not disqualify me from being able to drink it in and relish in His goodness.

During Lent, my pastor gave each person a seed to remind us about who we are in Christ.  As I've held that seed in my hand and reflected on it, I've continued to feel more layers fall off of "trying to be" something for God; that burden is too heavy.  However, the ability to solely respond to the glory of God and to soak it in as a plant soaks in the sun is a beautiful and freeing.  That is what I see, that is what I feel as I read these verses over and over.  Freedom to be, to live in a place of joy held by the shepherd and guardian of my soul.

In Christ,

For more thoughts on this theme check out my other posts:
Worrying
360 Vision: Not Lacking Anything
Being Changed by Contentment

Being released from the fear of men

I like to be liked.
I'm a people-pleaser.

So the Lord has started putting me in situations where I sometimes have hard things to say to people - the result being they don't like me very much (for the moment, I hope:).  It drives me crazy.  I've been asking God to give me a new perspective on things and He has:

Isaiah 51:12-15 (NCV)

The Lord says, "I am the one who comforts you.

So why should you be afraid of people, who die?

Why should you fear people who die like the grass?

13 Have you forgotten the Lord who made you,

who stretched out the skies

and made the earth?

Why are you always afraid

of those angry people who trouble you

and who want to destroy?

But where are those angry people now?

14 People in prison will soon be set free;

they will not die in prison,

and they will have enough food.

15 I am the Lord your God,

who stirs the sea and makes the waves roar.

My name is the Lord All-Powerful.

This Scripture brought my perspective back into alignment with His perspective.

As I read it I saw the following things:

• We don't need to be afraid of men
• Because we worship the Creator of the universe 
• God's ultimate plan is to bring freedom to the captives
• Because of this we can put our trust in the All-Powerful God

I love how His ultimate plan is sandwiched between His Almighty character.  As I step away from fear, to trusting Him, He gently reminds me of what He is up to and gives me another reason why I can trust His ways.

This verse reminded me of a mental picture I've used the past couple of years as I have dealt with difficult people and situations:

My perspective has been:

                 ME --negative thoughts-- A person --judgement--The Cross

It should be:

                  ME --negative thoughts-- The Cross --love-- A person

What's the difference?

In the first scenario, I am trying to deal with the person first.  I see the Cross in the background and "the freedom" God has in store for the person, but I'd like to walk alongside that person and lead pull them with judgement to the Cross.  When we arrive, we can kneel down together and I can show them the right way:). 

In the second scenario, all my thoughts and attitudes towards the person is having to pass through the Cross first.  The end result is my perspective has been tailored into love for that person.  And I'll take love over fear any day. 

I'm thankful for God's Word reminding me that walking in His perspective towards others leads to mine and their ultimate freedom.

In Christ,

Dusting off Dreams

My kids have big dreams, dreams that are bigger than life itself.  For instance, over the last several months my daughter has been building a "rocket ship" in our living room out of cardboard boxes.  For Christmas, my kids got an upgrade to a 5 foot long rocket ship.  Below is a video of my kids preparing to launch off to space.




Their dreams have expanded my horizons and have taught me child-like faith.  There is something about "getting older" that allows the practicality of life and the limits life offers to begin to bury those youthful dreams we once had.

My daughter has another dream and her dream has inspired me to dust off some of my own dreams.  When she was 4 1/2 years old she took paper, scissor, tape and a pencil and made a little book.  She couldn't read or write at this point in time but she drew pictures.  The book ended up having a story line of a princess captured by a witch and saved by a hero.  It was very cute and I was amazed at her creativity.  The hero of the story, Tot began to take shape and form.

Tot was not a one time incidence.  She began creating more and more books.  However, her creations  much like her personality, were spread all over the place.  I began to help her "organize" her little books.  Last time we organized, Tot was up to 11 "books."  I began to realize that this was a significant moment in her little life and I made sure it was kept together and not thrown away which is what I like to do when there are too many papers (remember practicality).  I still did not understand or realize the depths of her dreams.

One night, she and I were driving alone in the car.  In the backseat, her little voice spoke up,

"Tot will be in the library when I'm 26 years old." 

"What?" I asked.

"Tot will be in the library when I'm 26 years old.  I'll have to probably have other jobs until then, but he will be in the library when I'm 26."

I was astounded at the depths and the practicality of her dreams.  In her young mind, she was going to have her books published when she is 26 and she understood that it will take time, effort, and perhaps pursuing other things in the process.  After our recent trip to Disney World, she added another element to her dream.  She announced that Tot's wife, Micah would be the next Disney princess and Tot would be the next prince.  (So you heard it here first!)

Wow! I began to pray to the Lord after all this.  How in the world do you harness the depths of these dreams to keep them alive, so that she can accomplish some of her dreams?  And then the Lord began to quietly remind me of some of my own dreams.  You see in my younger years I used to dream, too.  Every New Year, I would journal and write out what I hoped to accomplish in the upcoming year.  As we know, the practicality of life gets in the way and those dreams get dusty.  Now that I'm older and "wiser" I no longer keep up with this tradition of writing down dreams that will never happen, what's the point?

The point, I've been learning, is that it is okay to fail and that failure is often a road to reality.  So after seeing the dreams of my kids, the Lord has challenged me to dust off one my forgotten dreams.  One of the ways I can help my daughter achieve her dreams is to show her that it is okay to try, fail and then try again.  Maybe every dream won't reach reality, but as the video above showed, it is sure fun to dream.

So yes, for this New Year, I'm dusting off some old dreams.  I am returning to the wonderment of childhood and realizing through the eyes of my daughter that you can have huge dreams and be practical at the same time.

Where are the dreamers?

Where have they gone?

They are the melody to life's song.

In Christ,

Not enough time?

"Hurry, hurry, hurry!"

"We are running out of time!"

"We don't have enough time to do that right now!"

As I've been listening to myself talk to my kids the last several weeks, those would be among the top statements that have been coming out of my mouth.  I began realizing that time, or rather the lack of enough time were dominating my thoughts about and my reactions to most situations.  The future and what "needed to be done next" were becoming more important to me than the present. 

The Lord, has hit my pause button and has invited me to live in TODAY instead of always the next moment.  First off, He has shown me that I already live in eternal life.  According to

John 17:3

"this is eternal life: that they know you,

the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." 

Eternal life has started NOW and so the truth is - I am NOT running out of time.  I am already living in eternal life.  I've been learning more and more each day that He really IS there in every situation and time, wanting to love on us and help us through each moment.

Acts 17:28

"For in Him we live and move and have our being."



I do not need to be afraid of the future because He has promised to never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). The fact that I'm walking in eternity now has helped me to invest in the things that have eternal significance - relationships.  I can enjoy today with my husband, my kids and my friends.  My relationships with them and with God are the only things that hold eternal weight.

In Christ,

Performance-Based Lovers Anonymous

This post is written for people who understand what it means to be a performance-based lover.  If you have no understanding for this type of loving, consider yourself blessed and you don't need to keep reading.  However, if you can understand this problem, then join me as I reflect on my journey to recovery.

God has a great sense of humor.  He allowed me, a performance-based lover to be married to a man who has no comprehension nor ability to love me based upon my performance.  As you can imagine, this inability has at times caused great angst in our marriage.  A recent incident, brought it up once again; I was hoping to increase my husband's love for me based upon what I did.  However, it did not turn out quite as I had imagined.  As we discussed this, two simple sentences, one out of his mouth and one out of my mouth, broke open the floodgates to revelation, and I pray that I will never be the same again.  And so once again, I laugh that God has me married to the one man who could love me in such a way that it would wake me up to realize that love can and should have nothing to do with my performance.

I freely admit that I am a recovering performance-based lover and I am looking forward to learning how to live a life free from the worry of performance and instead learn how to walk in the confidence of love.  I will share with you the visual image I got in regards to this topic.

The visual: two love tanks: the first love tank is God's, the second love tank is mine.  Now the following picture, is nothing that was taught to me but it puts language around much of the way I have lived my life.  As I reflect on being a performance-based lover, the picture I see is that God's love tank has a little faucet that is always on and the faucet is labeled "Daily Quota of Performance."  As the day goes by, the level of God's love for me in the tank begins to go down, slowly.  My job, is to keep the tank full and the way I do that is through my performance.  My performance adds love to God's love tank and if I do enough in one day the tank remains full.  Who determines how quickly it diminishes or fills up?  I suppose it is me.  Some days I am happily reaching my "quota", some days I am panicky that it is not filling up quickly enough and other days I am devastated that there will never be enough that I can do to keep it full, so why even bother.

The second love tank is mine.  It is situated next to God's love tank and it too wanes in its amount.  In order to love others well, it needs to be full, but it often is half empty.  The emotional result of this leaky tank is disappointment in and with others, because my perception is that others don't put in as much time and effort to fill me up as I do to them.

The main concept of my revelation is that God's love tank (and my husband's love tank) is always full.  It is never empty, nor slowly leaking towards E.  All this time, I have been putting in effort trying to "fill it up" with my performance.  But in essence, that has been pointless.  Why?  Because, in regards to love, they can't tell the difference; their love tanks are already full, in fact overflowing, so when I pour my performance in attempting to fill it up, there is essentially no difference to them.  Think of it as a bucket overflowing full of water.  If you add a drop of water to it, are you going to be able to make significant note of it?  On the other hand, if you toiled and strained hoping that one drop would make a difference you will end up feeling disappointment and exhaustion on your end. 

Do you know one of the scariest Scriptures for a performance-based lover is the Sheep and Goats in Matthew 25?  The last thing we want is to be caught not doing one of the "things" and get sent away.  We make a checklist:

• Hungry
• Thirsty
• Clothes
• Sick 
• Prison

  Check, check, check, need to get on that one still...  How often though?  Everyday? Once a week? Once a lifetime?

Do you see?  We still miss the point.  If you will look at the passage again, you will see that the sheep didn't even know what it was that they did.  They weren't the ones saying, "Remember that time I visited you in prison?  Do you remember the time I fed that one guy, it was really you, wasn't it?"  When Jesus sends the goats away the statement He says is, "I never knew you." Like Mary sitting at Jesus feet, the sheep took time to know and be known by God. 

As I look at my marriage, I can guarantee you that my husband truly knows me better than I know him.  It is probably because the last 18 years of our relationship, he took the time to get to know me.  One example of the many ways he knows me, is that he can literally sense in 3 seconds or less if something is wrong with me.  He knows me that well.  Me, well I look forward to spending more time getting to know him, than doing things for him:)

The point of this post, beloved, is that God's love tank is ALWAYS full and overflowing. Because of that our performance cannot increase His love for us.  In fact, you can see because of God's generous love for us that even the things we end up doing here on earth, will end up benefiting us in heaven: "Lay up for yourselves, treasures in heaven" or take the parable of the talents, " they are given even more in the end..."  God's love tank is so full that it fills ours to overflowing.  Remember tank 2?  Mine used to be situated next to God's tank.  I recommend getting a replacement tank and storing it within His tank.  Perhaps your love tank, like mine, needs to be replaced from the hole-filled performance based tank, to the solid and secure love-based tank.

Ephesians 3:17-19

I pray that out of his glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

 

So thank you, to my husband Josh, for loving me so well.

 

In Christ,

Becoming Untangled from Fear

I recently had the opportunity to watch Disney's newest movie Tangled.  My family and I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and it is currently vying with Cinderella for my favorite Disney movie ever.  One of the reasons it ranks so highly, is because Rapunzel with her green eyes and golden hair reminds me of my own  blond green-eyed princess Mercea.  The other reason it resonates with me is because it opened my eyes to some of the things going on in my own life spiritually right now.  There are two scenes which I would like to share with you.

Background: In case you haven't seen the movie here is a little background.  Tangled is a story about Rapunzel with her long golden hair.  She was born a princess and her hair had magical powers which could bring healing.  As a baby she was kidnapped by an evil woman, Gothel, and placed in a tower so high she could never get free.  Gothel kidnapped Rapunzel because the power of Rapunzel's hair keeps Gothel young forever.  Rapunzel grows up believing that Gothel is her mother.  Gothel tells her that she must never leave the tower because of evil people would mistreat her and use her for her hair. Rapunzel longs to enter the world she sees from her tower but her trust in her "mother" Gothel keeps her locked up in the tower.

Scene 1: There is one scene in the movie when Rapunzel leaves the tower for the first time in her life.  She has felt called to the outside world but is torn because she feels she is rebelling against her mother.  The scene cuts back and forth between the different emotions Rapunzel feels:

She is dancing  and doing cartwheels in a field of flowers.

The next second she is crying because she is afraid.  She remembers all the things her "mother" would tell her about why she must stay locked up in the tower.

The next second she is running and screaming with joy "I'm free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The next second she is feeling like the worst person in the world for leaving the tower.

This continues on for several rounds but you get the idea.  Perhaps it's a female thing but I could totally relate.  Before my season of rest, fear was beginning to have a strong hold in my life.  I've been dealing with the fear of death, the fear of failure, the fear of loving my family with abandonment and more.  During my time off I've dealt with all the emotions Rapunzel experienced.  I love being free and God would speak to me about being free and my heart would leap for joy.  Later, however, the places of fear would remind me why I want to stay locked up and not care anymore.  It has been a back and forth emotional teeter-totter as God has been wooing me out of fear into trusting Him.

Scene 2:  This scene was the most powerful scene for me because it "revealed the face of fear" to me.  Rapunzel eventually realizes that Gothel is not her true mother and as it dawns on her she tells Gothel:

"All along you have been telling me that you kept me

 here to protect me from others,

while the truth of the matter is that you

were keeping me here for your own selfish gain."

That was extremely eye-opening for me.  Rapunzel had believed everything Gothel had been telling her because she believed Gothel was telling her those things to protect her.  She realizes, however, that Gothel only said those things to protect herself and it has nothing to do Rapunzel's own good. As you know, I believe we are in a spiritual battle with the enemy.  The words from this scene revealed the motives of the enemy.  He absolutely loves it when we choose to let fear reign in our lives because it keeps us holed up and out of his way.  Yes, fear can masquerade for a while as something good and something that protects you but soon you begin to realize that this isn't where you belong.  As I heard this, it helped me to see that living in these places of fear is not for my good or benefit it is actually for the enemy's benefit and he would more than love to keep whispering these lies and keeping me entangled for his gain.

Whenever God reveals to me the lies I've been living under I ask Him to replace that area with His truth.  So here is what the voice of Truth has to say about fear:

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear,

 but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Romans 8:15

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves,

 so that you live in fear again;

rather, the Spirit

 you received brought about your adoption to sonship.

And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

John 10:2-3

The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep.

The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice.

He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.



In Christ,