Strands of Love

As a writer, I always struggle with what to share because I want to say something that is authentic.  I also struggle with wanting something that others can relate to so that those who take time to read what I write find their time well spent.  As I wrestled through how/what to say for this post I had an image of strands of thread.  All I can offer you is a beautiful strand - it doesn't amount to much when it stands on its own, but if you can take a strand or two of mine and combine it with other strands that you yourself hold in your hand, then perhaps, out of those strands something beautiful can be weaved.

In this post, I want to look at how relationships can lead us to a deeper understanding of God's love towards us.  I know that not everyone has experienced positive examples of these types of love, but that is why we should glean from others when possible.

So here are a couple strands for you to add to the life experiences that you yourself hold.

Parental Love Strand:

I had a heart-rattling dream where my son was lost for a day-and-a-half.  The emotional upheaval of thinking he was dead really shook me.  During the dream I made the statement, "How can I live without him?"  In the rawness of that dream, I realized how deeply entrenched the parent/child relationship is - there is no ceremonial moment of declaration for this love - it just is.  This child, who is birthed out of you and becomes a separate, individual person, is deeply connected to your heart. 

In awe of this love, I stepped back to reflect on the fact that our God declares that He is our Father and we are His children.  I know that the pain in my heart from a nightmare (that I got to wake up from - and not everyone gets to wake up from) is only a mere droplet of God's heart for us.

Where did humanity come from? 

It was birthed out of the heart of God. 

How can I live without them?

 Maybe, just maybe, this is a small glimpse of how our Heavenly Father longs after us.  We, who were created in His image - individual and separate yet deeply connected to His heart. It isn't through ceremony nor anything that we have done. Perhaps seeing Him as Father, through His eyes (instead of looking upward as a child) will help you to see how full of love He is for you, His child.

Marital Love Strand:

I'm coming up on 14 years of marriage and I love it.  I've been to two weddings recently and each time I hear those vows repeated they hold so much more meaning.  You realize that in that moment you had no idea what you were actually declaring, yet how true each and every word would need to be to carry you through life.

I found love on a swing

I found love on a swing.  I was young, he was young.  I remember the sun setting and the rocks tickling between my toes.

As the metallic chains twisted we talked about life.  He said, "What's the point of dating if it's not the person you plan to be with all your life?"

We were young.  How could we know what life and love would throw our way?

We are still young, I'm sure in many ways but in other ways I feel we stand at a crossroads: watching our grandparents teetering at the end of life.  Watching our parents whom we remember as young as us entering "old age." The letting go of today and welcoming the unknown.  We see our kids young and impetuous, full of life and dreams yet just starting to touch their toes to reality of hardships that life brings.  And in this place of middleness, I remember finding love on a swing.  The words and promises that were made without knowing the depths it would take us.  The snapshot of perfection in time.  I know that I was given a gift from above.  A gift that undergirds my entire life.  

I found love on a swing; it is such a gift to me.

There is something about marital love that is unique and special.  Unlike parental love, it emerges from a choice that we make after we learn more about the other person.  It is a type of love that strengthens and deepens with time.  God has invited us to not only know Him as our Heavenly Father but we have also been invited to be the Bride of Christ.  This next type of love, is an invitation for us to know Him more deeply, to experience everyday life with Him.  Yes, there are moments of declaration of this love, but only time lives out the reality of this love.

Lo, I am with you always, even until the end of the age.  This is the love that He has declared for you.  A love that was declared in a moment of time, yes, but also a love that walks beyond that moment with you through time.  Do you see it embedded into your life?

As I said in the beginning, these are mere strands that I offer to you.  I know that not everyone has experienced true parental love and/or marital love.  I do pray though that what you walk away with is a pinprick to stop and reflect on when you have experienced a type of love that moved you.  How has that love moved you?  Does reflecting on it give you a greater glimpse to the depths of the love that God has towards you?

In Christ,

 



Photo from:  http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=37443&picture=red-heart

A Story to Embody: October 21, 2012

I love this story that we are called to embody.  The Scriptures for this week, once again thread together to create a beautiful story.  We begin in Isaiah, 300 years before Christ was born and we are given a prophetic picture of what Christ ended up doing for us on the cross.  After that, we get to Ephesians which paints a picture of marriage for us - based upon Christ.  So often these Scriptures have been viewed as a "threat" to women, interpreted in fear that these verses are asking women to be doormats.  But when you view these Scriptures in light of the story God is weaving - it couldn't be any further from the truth.  How often have we've handicapped ourselves because we've not looked at the entire picture?  Finally, when you get to Mark you will see that if we have any authority, we are once again asked to walk out this story in light of Christ.  What that looks like was clearly spelled out in Isaiah...

Isaiah 53:4-12

But he took our suffering on him

and felt our pain for us.

We saw his suffering

and thought God was punishing him.

5 But he was wounded for the wrong we did;

he was crushed for the evil we did.

The punishment, which made us well, was given to him,

and we are healed because of his wounds.

6 We all have wandered away like sheep;

each of us has gone his own way.

But the Lord has put on him the punishment

for all the evil we have done.

7 He was beaten down and punished,

but he didn't say a word.

He was like a lamb being led to be killed.

He was quiet, as a sheep is quiet while its wool is being cut;

he never opened his mouth.

8 Men took him away roughly and unfairly.

He died without children to continue his family.

He was put to death;

he was punished for the sins of my people.

9 He was buried with wicked men,

and he died with the rich.

He had done nothing wrong,

and he had never lied.

10 But it was the Lord who decided

to crush him and make him suffer.

The Lord made his life a penalty offering,

but he will still see his descendants and live a long life.

He will complete the things the Lord wants him to do.

11 "After his soul suffers many things,

he will see life and be satisfied.

My good servant will make many people right with God;

he will carry away their sins.

12 For this reason I will make him a great man among people,

and he will share in all things with those who are strong.

He willingly gave his life

and was treated like a criminal.

But he carried away the sins of many people

and asked forgiveness for those who sinned."

Psalm 104:1-9,24, 35c

My whole being, praise the Lord.

Lord my God, you are very great.

You are clothed with glory and majesty;

2 you wear light like a robe.

You stretch out the skies like a tent.

3 You build your room above the clouds.

You make the clouds your chariot,

and you ride on the wings of the wind.

4 You make the winds your messengers,

and flames of fire are your servants.

5 You built the earth on its foundations

so it can never be moved.

6 You covered the earth with oceans;

the water was above the mountains.

7 But at your command, the water rushed away.

When you thundered your orders, it hurried away.

8 The mountains rose; the valleys sank.

The water went to the places you made for it.

9 You set borders for the seas that they cannot cross,

so water will never cover the earth again.

Lord, you have made many things;

with your wisdom you made them all.

The earth is full of your riches.

Let sinners be destroyed from the earth,

and let the wicked live no longer.

My whole being, praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord.

Ephesians 5:21-31

Yield to obey each other as you would to Christ.

22 Wives, yield to your husbands, as you do to the Lord,23 because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. And he is the Savior of the body, which is the church.24 As the church yields to Christ, so you wives should yield to your husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it to make it belong to God. Christ used the word to make the church clean by washing it with water.27 He died so that he could give the church to himself like a bride in all her beauty. He died so that the church could be pure and without fault, with no evil or sin or any other wrong thing in it.28 In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies. The man who loves his wife loves himself.29 No one ever hates his own body, but feeds and takes care of it. And that is what Christ does for the church,30 because we are parts of his body.31 The Scripture says, "So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body."

Mark 10:42-45

Jesus called them together and said, "The other nations have rulers. You know that those rulers love to show their power over the people, and their important leaders love to use all their authority. 43 But it should not be that way among you. Whoever wants to become great among you must serve the rest of you like a servant.44 Whoever wants to become the first among you must serve all of you like a slave. 45 In the same way, the Son of Man did not come to be served. He came to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many people."

Praying your excited to walk out your part in the story.

In Christ,

A Story to Embody: Sunday, July 29

Sorry I missed last Sunday; I was away with my love celebrating 11 years of marriage.  After all that we have been through, it was a truly sweet and precious time.  Marriage is truly meant to be a wonderful, life-giving gift.  I am in awe of our great God and His blessing and design and once again overwhelmed with the freedom and the joy of doing it with God and my husband.  Below is a video my husband made for us last year. 

Link: http://youtu.be/GoTwUiBYziw (Also if you are looking for a little Christmas in July or laughter be sure to check out my mother-in-law aka "Jingle Jane" afterwards).

Once again, I am getting the readings for this summer from Holy Trinity's website.  They are going through the book of Ephesians and it has been wonderful.  The main theme thus far has been GRACE  and if you know me at all I love grace.  My understanding of grace has truly strengthened and deepened this summer.  If you are interested, I would truly encourage you to listen to the sermons that go along with the weekly readings.

So that's enough from me, but as always I pray that you would be strengthened and deepened in your understanding of God's great love for you.  The Trinity (God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit) are ever-present and real, whether you are in a great place, or in a dark place.  May you ever-increase in your ability to walk in the reality of their love.

Galatians 3:7-9

So you should know that the true children of Abraham are those who have faith.8 The Scriptures, telling what would happen in the future, said that God would make the non-Jewish people right through their faith. This Good News was told to Abraham beforehand, as the Scripture says: "All nations will be blessed through you."9 So all who believe as Abraham believed are blessed just as Abraham was.

Psalm 145:10-18

Lord, everything you have made will praise you;

those who belong to you will bless you.

11 They will tell about the glory of your kingdom

and will speak about your power.

12 Then everyone will know the mighty things you do

and the glory and majesty of your kingdom.

13 Your kingdom will go on and on,

and you will rule forever.

The Lord will keep all his promises;

he is loyal to all he has made.

14 The Lord helps those who have been defeated

and takes care of those who are in trouble.

15 All living things look to you for food,

and you give it to them at the right time.

16 You open your hand,

and you satisfy all living things.

17 Everything the Lord does is right.

He is loyal to all he has made.

18 The Lord is close to everyone who prays to him,

to all who truly pray to him.

Ephesians 2:11-22

You were not born Jewish. You are the people the Jews call "uncircumcised." Those who call you "uncircumcised" call themselves "circumcised." (Their circumcision is only something they themselves do on their bodies.) 12 Remember that in the past you were without Christ. You were not citizens of Israel, and you had no part in the agreements with the promise that God made to his people. You had no hope, and you did not know God.13 But now in Christ Jesus, you who were far away from God are brought near through the blood of Christ's death.14 Christ himself is our peace. He made both Jewish people and those who are not Jews one people. They were separated as if there were a wall between them, but Christ broke down that wall of hate by giving his own body.15 The Jewish law had many commands and rules, but Christ ended that law. His purpose was to make the two groups of people become one new people in him and in this way make peace.16 It was also Christ's purpose to end the hatred between the two groups, to make them into one body, and to bring them back to God. Christ did all this with his death on the cross.17 Christ came and preached peace to you who were far away from God, and to those who were near to God.18 Yes, it is through Christ we all have the right to come to the Father in one Spirit.

19 Now you who are not Jewish are not foreigners or strangers any longer, but are citizens together with God's holy people. You belong to God's family.20 You are like a building that was built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets. Christ Jesus himself is the most important stone in that building,21 and that whole building is joined together in Christ. He makes it grow and become a holy temple in the Lord.22 And in Christ you, too, are being built together with the Jews into a place where God lives through the Spirit.

Luke 4:16-21

Jesus traveled to Nazareth, where he had grown up. On the Sabbath day he went to the synagogue, as he always did, and stood up to read. 17 The book of Isaiah the prophet was given to him. He opened the book and found the place where this is written:

18 "The Lord has put his Spirit in me,
because he appointed me to tell the Good News to the poor.
He has sent me to tell the captives they are free
and to tell the blind that they can see again. — Isaiah 61:1
God sent me to free those who have been treated unfairly — Isaiah 58:6
19 and to announce the time when the Lord will show his kindness." — Isaiah 61:2

20 Jesus closed the book, gave it back to the assistant, and sat down. Everyone in the synagogue was watching Jesus closely. 21 He began to say to them, "While you heard these words just now, they were coming true!"

In Christ,

Draw Me a Map that Leads Me Back to You: Conclusion

This is the conclusion to a six-part series entitled "Draw Me a Map that Leads Me Back to You."  I know everyone's marriage is different and there may have been spots in our story that had you nodding your head, "Yes, I understand," and at other times perhaps you couldn't relate at all, which is just fine.  The purpose in writing this series has not been to give "5 steps" to a better marriage but instead to show the beauty of turning our mistakes, anger and errors over to God's grace.  All of our marriages are different, but the Designer of marriage is the same, and He has promised to  faithfully lead us.  My understanding of what that looks like, truly changed, stretched and grew over that season, but I can say that it is so very true.

God created marriage to be a beautiful, life-giving gift; not only to ourselves but also to our children.  Marriage was created to be a safe place where love and joy can flourish and grow.  But just like anything in life, the enemy and our brokenness can take the beauty that God created and turn it into a thing of pain, harm and destruction.  I pray that I have at least pointed you to the "better way," our Saviour and Lord, Jesus Christ who moves through the Holy Spirit in the dailiness of life.  He loves you, He loves your spouse and He is The Way for the two of you to move together in grace and beauty.  He understands the dirtiness and the dankness of it all, but that doesn't prevent Him from desiring to redeem it all; He doesn't do it without us though and that is the mystery of His ways.

So as I said at the start, I have come to realize that I have married the perfect man for me.  He completes me, strengthens me and challenges me everyday.  When I got out of the way, the Lord managed to recapture his heart - largely through the ministry of Todd Hunter (which is why I keep sharing about his ministry).  Not only that but I learned to let my husband lead, even when he wasn't where I thought he should be.  The results have been phenomenal.  I never considered my husband a "leader" but now I realize that perhaps my big personality was getting in the way.  He sees things that I don't see, he desires to protect me, and he is often wise beyond my current understanding of a situation.  He has "stepped up" or maybe I finally cleared out of the way.  There were many times on this journey where I would cry and cry and be angry at God.  "Didn't He see what was happening to me?  Didn't He know what a big mistake He had allowed me to make marrying this man?"  But when I finally quieted down and listened to His plan, I had my eyes opened to the biggest surprise of my life: I had indeed married the perfect man.  He knows how to lead and he has done a phenomenal job.  He loves me well and he loves our children well.  I almost stomped out one of the most precious gifts I have ever been given because I had chosen to live under lies, fear, disillusionment and disappointment.  I thank my husband and my God for fighting for my heart and opening my eyes to all that I have been given.  I have been blessed beyond measure.

Finally, I want to leave you with two thoughts:

Titus 2:4 says,

Teach the young women to love their husbands, to love their children.

Our society often makes us believe that love is based on emotions and feelings and when those things disappear you should leave.  Scripture presents a different view and in fact teaches us that we need to be taught to love our husbands and our children.  If you are struggling in your marriage, I pray that you will have the humility to ask for help and look to God and others to teach you how to love your husband.

Song of Songs 2:15 says,

Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.

Even though I realize that I have married the perfect man for me, it by no means we have a conflict-free marriage.  However, we've both come to the point where we choose to trust each others' hearts instead of the hurt and pain from a moment.  When conflict does arrive we deal with it until we can understand each other.  We no longer let pain, unforgiveness, bitterness and disappointment have opportunity to take root in our hearts.  As I've reflected on our journey I've realized how so many little things began to grow into much bigger problems and before I knew it, I was standing at a gap looking at my husband and realizing I no longer knew how to love him nor allow him to love me.  But I also realize that the path back to each others' hearts was full of just as many seemingly small and insignificant decisions.  My conclusion is that the best way back to your spouse's heart is to hook into the Holy Spirit and follow His leading in the dailiness of life; He is the One who knows the way back and He will lead you there.

In Christ,



P.S.  Did you enjoy this series?  If yes, please share it with friends and family (e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, Google plus, Pintrest...).  The entire series is available at this link: Draw Me a Map that Leads Me Back to You.  Thank you!

Photos by Melanie Guest Photography

Draw Me a Map that Leads Me Back to You: The Power of Words

     As this series has come out, I've been asked why I'm willing to share such private things. The reason we (yes, my husband has read and helped polish all that I've written here:) are willing to share this hard part of our journey is because we've personally seen the power of God to redeem and restore that which was lost. The beauty and profound joy that I now experience in my marriage far OUTSHINES the darkest of the dark moments. As I've talked with other women over the years, I know that I'm not alone in some of the choices that I made along the way; but I also know that the freedom and joy my marriage now experiences isn't for me alone, it has always been a part of the original design and purpose for all marriages. My prayer is that through my sharing others will have the hope and desire for more.

     This is part four in a series entitled: "Draw Me a Map that Leads Me Back to You."  You can read the first 3 parts to get an idea of what was going on during a difficult season in my marriage.

     As my husband struggled with his Christianity and other life stresses, his character often became unpleasant to be around.  Many times, I did not look forward to him coming home from work, because his attitude often brought down the whole mood of the house.  I also let his behavior  negatively affect my thoughts about him. 

     One day, God jolted me awake and changed the way I was handling my thoughts about my husband.  One of my close friends, whom I confided in, had come to pray with me.  She said that as she was praying for my husband she got the picture of a "treasure hunter."  My mouth just about dropped open.  She did not know it but "treasure hunter" is part of my husband's Ebay seller name.  I knew right then that God was speaking through her to get my attention.  This word truly gave me His perspective on my husband.  Treasure hunter ended up having a two-fold meaning for me: 

• First: God saw my husband as a valuable treasure that He was on the hunt for.  God didn't define him according to all the junk that I saw, but rather God defined him as the treasure that He had redeemed.
• Second:  He saw my husband as valuable to the kingdom of God and that my husband is a treasure hunter for the kingdom. 

     I walked away from that time with a righteous jealousy for my husband and to experience the treasure of who he is.  If my friend could recognize and believe in the value of my husband then surely I, as his wife, could begin seeing the treasure inside of him.  After this prayer time, when conflict arose, I no longer made agreements that these negative moods reflected who he truly was.  I knew that a better man existed inside.  As I would walk away from a difficult time, I no longer sat and dwelt on how frustrated I was with him, but rather I would ask for and then declare God's perspective on the situation.  Also, when I did see the treasures in my husband's personality I began to verbally affirm  him and internally affirm my thoughts about him.  As this happened, I began to see changes in my husband.  The changes did not happen overnight, nor was there "one day" when everything was "better." However, over time, the negative patterns decreased and the positive behaviors substantially increased.  I still stand amazed and in joyful wonder of the man I married.  Just the other day, we left church with both of us laughing about something my husband "out of character" that he did.  I just shook my head and said, "Are you sure you're my husband?!  You have made me a believer in the love of God."  The changes in my husband still leave me dumbfounded and in awe of our mysteriously, sneaky working God.

     After all that I have been through, I truly believe in the power of words, whether spoken aloud or just held in our minds.  Scripture says that Jesus is the Word (John 1:1).    We have the ability to speak LIFE over situations or death.  There is power, because of Jesus the Word, when we begin to see our spouses with God's eyes.  God does not define us according to all of our junk.  He truly sees the treasure held within each one of us; we are invited to see, know and declare His truth over people's lives.  If you are in a situation, where the definition of your spouse is mostly negative, surrender your thoughts and words to Jesus the Word, and get His perspective on your spouse.  Then partner within Him in declaring the truth.

     After reading the ideas in this post, there is a temptation to think I'm just talking about wishful thinking or that I'm encouraging you to be blind to what is "really going on."  However, I have learned and am still learning that taking God's perspective on things is where true life and freedom exists, even when I can't immediately see it with my physical eyes.  I conclude with the following quote from a sermon by Bill Johnson:

The Gospel empowers you to take what's of the enemy and put it under your feet and take what's of people around you and you come under them to empower them.  You rule over the spirit world so that darkness doesn't rule and then you come under and empower people.

In Christ,

Photo courtesy Melanie Guest Photography

Draw Me a Map that Leads Me Back to You: The Traps of Ministry

This is part three in a series entitled: "Draw Me a Map that Leads Me Back to You."  It is a series about a difficult season in my marriage and how my marriage was restored and strengthened to better than ever.

I've entitled part 3: The Traps of Ministry
As I mentioned in post 1, about the time my husband started a crisis of faith was the same time my individual ministry began to take off.  His crisis of faith was not unfounded; there were various stressful events within the extended family during this time.  I started getting involved in various types of ministry and it started to lead me farther and farther away from home.  At times, my husband would ask me not to go somewhere or do something and I would justify my refusal to follow his lead with thoughts like, "I don't have to listen to him because he is just jealous of God.  My first duty is to God."  I thought his leading was preventing me from doing all the things God wanted to do through me so I chose to rebel against the design of God but I tried to cushion my rebellion "in the name of God." At the time, the words: prideful, self-absorbed, self-righteous didn't dawn on me.

I didn't know how to translate all that was happening in my "God sphere" to him, and often times his questions and doubts would only aggravate me more and more.  After months and months of conflict we finally came to a long, tearful argument where I insisted we meet with a pastoral couple for advice.  I excitedly attended that meeting, hoping that they would convince my husband that God was indeed real and that he needed to suck it up and become a better husband.  Thankfully, God brought us to the right couple and their gracious and guiding words started us on a path to healing.

Their response to my husband's crisis of faith? He was right where he needed to be, in fact he was in a beautiful spot!  He was looking for genuine faith, not anything fake, and God could handle that.  I left their house very humbled and changed.  I don't know what else was said that night, but those words resounded so true in my heart that they began to change me and how I operated.  See before that my Christianity didn't provide room for doubt or questions.  I thought my husband needed to get his act together - on his own.  However, these words released him and I from the responsibility of "fixing his faith."  It instead made room for God to be God and for me to be his wife.  I began to accept and love my husband on the journey that he was on, and I began to appreciate the heart he had; a heart that only wanted what was genuine and true. I realized that my reactions of fear and anger had actually been rooted in a doubt that God had the ability to show himself as real, to my husband.  I have since realized, that God can meet anyone right where they are at.

I also realized that my ministry was actually causing pain and trouble in my marriage and so I made the choice to  step away from all ministry during that time.  I realized that I couldn't be in ministry if things were not right within my home. This was not an easy thing for me to do, ministry was how I was "measuring" my relationship with God and I no longer had a way to measure (this stepping away also did a healing in my relationship with God, that I didn't realize needed healing).  I realized I needed to invest in my marriage and in my husband as a person.  I needed to learn how to love him, right where he was at, without an expectation that he would ever change.  I had no guarantees that my stepping away, would lead to changes in him, and so I truly stepped away in complete surrender.  I asked God to teach me how to love and respect my husband and He was so faithful to teach me how. 
I realize now, how very fortunate I am that God was able to capture my reluctant heart and teach me that He could care less how many people were ministered to by me.  He had blessed me with an amazing man, amazing children and He wanted me to learn how to love Him and them well.  We have all seen or heard of people who have amazing ministries but then their marriages fall apart.  I have seen first hand how easily that could happen and I've tasted the lies that help lead down that path.  Please realize the importance of investing in your spouse, over "ministry" any day, everyday.

In Christ,



Photos courtesy Melanie Guest Photography

Draw Me a Map that Leads me Back to You: Eliminating the Fantasy

This is post two in a series entitled: "Draw Me a Map That Leads Me Back to You."  As I shared in the last post, when the reality of what my marriage started to become began settling in, I decided to solve it by going into fantasy land.

As I've talked with other women, I realize that my "solution" is a common solution women have to solving marriage issues.  We find that it is so much easier to dream of a different and better life than to invest in the life that we actually live.  While I wasn't having an affair, the fruit of my thoughts was just as dangerous and deadly.  It caused me to withdraw my heart from my husband and my marriage.  It made me dream and pray for God to create for me a better life - one that didn't include my husband.  I am so thankful that God doesn't answer every prayer that we pray - because we often times have no idea what is best for us.

I cannot pinpoint an exact moment when I woke up to the reality that this had to stop and that it wasn't okay but there came a point when I eventually "resigned" myself to the fact that this truly was the man that I had chosen to marry (sigh) and decided to accept him for who he was.  I began to stop all my "fantasies."  I had made the choice to marry this man, not another, and I needed to learn how to love him.

As I did this, I also began to see some of the dangerous lies that our society speaks over "love" and to realize these lies truly do provide a trap for us.  It might surprise you but the Bible does not talk about us having a "soul mate" nor does it talk about God having a pre-planned "perfect spouse" out there for you.  When I was living in fantasy land I began to cling to these ideas and I gotten myself so caught up in the idea that I had "missed God's will" that I was trying to figure out ways to get myself back in "His will" - apart from my spouse.  My husband, ever the practicalist, believes that we actually should be able to marry anyone and make it work.  While this idea, for me, rids all romance, I think it speaks more to the truth of marriage than the other ideas listed above.  God doesn't have a mapped out "plan" for you nor is He watching and tapping His toes waiting for you to get things right.  He has told us to love Him and to love others and He has equipped us with the ability to do those very things.  God's true will for me was to invest in my marriage and He could and would show me how to love my husband.

So no matter who you marry, whether you regret it or not, through Christ you have the ability to love that person well.  The spouse you married is your spouse, period. "Becoming one flesh" is an act that occurs after "I do." The act of marriage itself is what seals the fact that you are with the "right person" for you.  The cherry on top, however, is that marriage doesn't have to remain in the place of duty.  Even as I write this, I realize that the Lord was probably smiling as I complained about my "whoa is me marriage."  Yes, I had married a man exactly opposite of me, but when I woke back up to reality I realized my "one flesh" man completes me in so many ways.

As I realized that he was part of me, even if it was a part I didn't really like at the moment, he was none the less a part of me.  It was time for me to embrace my flesh, accept him and learn to love him.

Below is a thought that was given to me during that period that brought life to my mind and my marriage as I encountered situations where I thought my ways would be way better than working with my spouse:

God does not need to circumvent His design

to make His will happen.

In Christ,



Photo courtesy Melanie Guest Photography

PS March 31, 2012 is the last day to participate in my survey, thanks: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/BJVSMTS

Draw Me a Map that Leads Me Back to you: I Married the Perfect Man and found out he wasn't and then that he was

This is the first post in a series called "Draw me a map that leads me back to you." Yes, the title is inspired by country song "Draw me a Map". 



This series will be about marriage.  I've been married to my wonderful husband for almost 11 years now and we are a beautiful place in our marriage.  However, we had about a two year season that was very tough, difficult and long.  As I've been in conversation with other women about their marriages, I've realized that some of the negative thought patterns that led my marriage off-track also exist in their marriages.  I want to share pieces of my story because I know that the thought patterns and lies I believed almost destroyed the beauty of my marriage and I know that it is worth fighting for what is right and true.  I'm praying that pieces of my story will provide hope and inspiration one may need to keep fighting for beauty and deep love in your own marriage.

I married the perfect man, found out he wasn't perfect, and then that he was:

My husband and I are high school sweethearts (actually 8th grade sweethearts).  We dated for 8 years before we got married.  As you can imagine, we were thrilled to finally get married and let the fun times begin!  Since we started dating so young we were only 22 when we got married.  All throughout our relationship we always heard, "You will never make it."  "People change when they get older."  "This is young love; it will never last."  While I understand the intentions of these statements and I  understand the rarity of a relationships like ours, those words ended up planting seeds of doubt in my heart that eventually started to sprout.

The first seven years of our marriage were beautiful and exciting.  I realized that I had married the perfect man.  We enjoyed being able to experience the full measures of our love and it brought two precious children into the world.  Then real life began to set in: sleepless nights, work, stress, anger and religion.

I had the opportunity to be a stay-at home mom and one of the beauties that blossomed from that place was a ministry to women.  I began investing fully in ministry and opportunity after opportunity began to open up.  I began saying yes to all of them.  God made many phenomenal changes in my understanding of what it means to be a follower of Christ.  I also began seeing how God brought freedom to other people's hearts through speaking truth.  As I was seeing freedom all around me, there was one place where freedom was quickly disappearing and that was in the heart of my husband.

You can imagine my frustration, as I am falling more and more in love with God and His freedom, I am watching my husband struggle in his faith.  I didn't know how to stop it or reverse it. I knew how to pray for others but I didn't know how to pray for him and frankly I didn't want to pray for him.  In my mind I thought he should know better.  When we said our vows, I had married a Christian, we were going to raise our children up in the Lord.  A husband with a growing temper and who doesn't know what he believes - this is not what I had signed up for when I said my vows and so I began to detach my heart from our marriage.

Remember those seeds I discussed above?  Comments like, "You'll never make it,"  "People change when they get older?"  They began to find fertile soil in my heart.  I began to make agreements with those little seeds.  "Everyone was right, I was too young to know how to pick a man worthy of marrying.  We had not experienced enough life to see each other's true colors.  I should of held out longer."  I began to imagine the "better life" that God had actually "willed" for me.  "I should have married a pastor, I would make a perfect pastor's wife.  Imagine what a great strength I would be for the kingdom, if I had just taken the time to wait for someone better."  I call this first lie, "the fantasy mind" and I have come to realize that this is a very dangerous place to live.  The life in my mind, without the man that I had married,  I thought was oh, so much better.

Secondly, I started a "holier than thou" mindset.  Because he was struggling with loving God, I thought I would show him how it should be done and I left him in the dust.  I began attending all the prayer meetings at church, doing all the ministry that I could.  I felt "good" because at least one person in our family would be "living the way we should."  I suppose from a reader's perspective it is easy to see how my husband would continue to be drawn away from the Lord, instead of to the Lord as I left him in the dust to struggle with his doubts.  I had no tolerance for where he was at; I wanted him to be the "spiritual leader" of our home but I had no hope that he could ever be that person, and so I took over.

A third mistake I made was letting my husband's negative characterstic, which happened to be a temper, define him.  Our household began walking on eggshells to try and prevent his temper from going off, but all without fail.  It didn't matter how neat I tried to make the house, how well I planned dinner, etc.  It was never enough to "please" him.  So in my mind he was no longer my lover or my friend, he soon became defined as an angry jerk.

All these things played into the unraveling of my heart.  As I withdrew my heart, he wanted it all the more desperately and the more he wanted it, the farther I took it from him.  We are not in any of those places anymore.  The fact that we are together and he has my heart more than he has ever had it before, is a testament of the grace of God and the reality that He works in our lives in real and lasting ways.  The next posts will look a little more closely at the mistakes that I made and the ways we were redeemed from our mess.

In conclusion,though, I can say without any doubt that although my husband is an imperfect person I know that I have married the perfect man for me. 

In Christ,



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Intertwined: Justice and Mercy

I recently listened to a sermon by Ian DiOrio entitled Justice (10/13/10).  This sermon gave me a greater understanding of justice and how mercy and justice are intertwined together.  You see, I am a person of mercy; I have great compassion for people in the moment of their need.  My husband, however, is a man of great justice.  There have often been conversations in our marriage where he has driven me completely nuts;  I will be discussing a person's need and he will begin talking about bigger issues - looking at what caused the problem.  I get frustrated because I start to think he doesn't care about the person and why should we worry about the bigger problem because it won't help that person right now.  It has seemed like we have been opposed to one another but after listening to this sermon I've realized that if we work together, both in our strengths, we can accomplish more.

You see my former thoughts were that mercy and justice were on opposite ends of a teeter-totter.   Both were needed but there had to be a sort of balance between them.  However, the following visual Ian shared struck a cord within me and gave me a different perspective on how justice and mercy work together:
Pretend you are on a river camping and see you a baby come floating down the river.  You would wade into the river and get the baby out and take care of its needs.  That is an act of compassion, it is an act of mercy.  But lets say, that a few minutes later another baby comes floating down the river, and then another baby and another baby.  Mercy is the act that keeps getting the babies out of the river but justice is the act that stops and asks the question, "Who's upstream throwing babies down the river?  How can we go upstream and stop the person who is throwing babies in the river?"

This visual not only rocked my heart but I could totally envision my husband and I in the scenario.  Initially, we would both be in the river.  But eventually my husband would talk about getting out of the river and walking upstream to see what was causing the problem.  I would be so consumed in the immediate problem that I would probably end up getting irritated thinking he didn't care about the babies, when in fact, he cared so much that he wanted to eliminate the source of the problem.  As this direct quote will show, both of our gifts would be needed to solve the problem:
"Some of you are mercy people, compassion people, you are people who will always put bandages on broken souls and you will do that without any sense of duty or obligation, it's who God created you to be and you will always do that.  And some of you are justice people.  Some of us ask the question, 'Is there a way to stop the perpetuation of broken people?  Is there a way to stop children from being thrown into the river?  Is there a way to stop communities that are broken and desperate from continuing violence and tragedy?  As Micah shows us we are to do both:"

Micah 6:8

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.

And what does the LORD require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God.

While I know this understanding will be beneficial to future conversations in my marriage, I think that this message is applicable to conversations that occur within the church, especially in America.  When you are engaging in coversation with fellow believers I think it is important for you to stop and think about where they are coming from in their conversation - a place of mercy or a place of justice?  Often times conversations get stunted because we think we are oppossed to one another.  But mercy and justice are not opposed; they are intertwined together and Scripture tells us that we are to do both. However, sometimes the way to accomplish "both" is by working together with people who see things differently than us. My prayer for the church is that we can have a greater understanding of the relationship between mercy and justice and begin to walk together to accomplish our goals.  Greater success depends on our ability to operate in the strength of both.

In Christ,

 

Photo courtesy of Melanie Guest Photography

Have you found something worth dying for?

My husband and I were listening to a sermon the other day by Todd Hunter and he was talking about how polls show that the majority of Americans claim they are Christians, however many "lifestyles" do not reflect this as true.  He then made the statement, "Many people have found something to live for, but have you found something worth dying for?"  Todd Hunter stated how people are willing to invite Christian morals into their lives, but they often are not willing to die to themselves to follow Christ.

What is Jesus' Call?

As we look at the call of Christ and throughout Christian history we can see that death, both spiritual and at times physical is a part of following the Lord.  Below are several examples of individuals whose understanding of who Jesus Christ is, was something worth physically dying for:

• When Jesus presented Himself to Paul on the road to Damascus, He also presented Paul with the kind of life he would soon be living:
• Acts 9:16, "I will show him how much he must suffer for my name."
• When Paul accepted the invitation to follow Jesus as Lord of His life, Paul understood what he was getting himself into.  His understanding of Jesus Christ convinced Paul that Jesus was someone worth dying for. 
• In John 21:18, Jesus informs Peter of the cost following Jesus would entail:
• "Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”  Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
• Dietrich Bonhoeffer, chose to return to Germany, knowing very well that his decision could lead to his death, and he ended up walking to his death saying, "This is the end - for me the beginning of life."

But as we also see in John 21 (which Erwin McManus discusses in Unleashed), not every follower's life, will lead to a physical martyrdom:

Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved

was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against

 Jesus at the supper and had said,

“Lord, who is going to betray you?”) 

 When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”
 Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return,

what is that to you?

You must follow me.”

Because of the country we currently live in, our faith rarely requires us to give up our physical life for the sake of Christ.  However, if we hear the words of Jesus, His invitation to us still requires a death:

Luke 9:23

Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves

and take up their cross daily

and follow me.

Have you encountered Jesus in such a way that you are willing to die to follow Him?

How Deep is the Love of Christ?

God has been opening my eyes to the depths of His love for others. He has been showing me that if we as His people, want to meet people in their depths then we need to be willing to go to the depths to meet them there.  Entering into those depths may at times very well feel like a type of death, but Jesus is willing to encounter us in a way that we can willing follow Him wherever He leads.

Marriage is one practical area where we have to die to ourselves in order to follow Jesus' path.  As I think about my marriage, I realize that there has been phases where I have not wanted to follow Jesus' leading, particularly, in the area of submission.  I'd love to say, that I've been a great Christian wife always ready to follow my husband's lead.  But there have been many times where I was cringing inside, or defiant to his lead.  I wanted him to prove beforehand that he was worthy of being followed before I would follow.  As a result, frustration and disappointment began to dominate my marriage.  Thankfully, the Lord stepped in to change me.  In my process, the Lord began to ask me to trust Him first and that part of that trust would at times entail dying to my "rights" to have my own way and to instead submit to my husband's leadership.  It was not an easy process and at times it was quite painful.  But in the midst of that "death" God has brought about such life.  I emerged from my spiritual death and awoke to find a husband, who is an incredible man of God and leader.

Another place in my own life where I have experienced a type of "death" in order to follow Christ has been in ministry to others.  One particular time of ministry, was extremely difficult for me and in the process, I thought to myself, "I am going to have to die to myself in order for this thing to work."  I felt like the Lord smiled and said, "Exactly."  I then asked Him, "Is this really how deep your love goes - that a death is needed in order to bring life?"  And He said, "Yes."  You see sometimes for us to be able to serve others in a life-giving way, we are going to have to die to ourselves as we follow Jesus: 

Hebrew 12:1b-2

Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 

 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

For the joy set before him he endured the cross,

 scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners,

so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

The primary way we walk out our Christianity is through love.  In order to love and serve others well we may very well need to die to ourselves to follow Christ's lead.  The good news is that He has gone that way before us and He has overcome it with a new and better life.  So my question remains, "Have you found something worth dying for?"

I pray your answer is, "Yes."

I haven't encountered Christ in a way that I am willing to die.

However, if your answer to this question is no, I would like to share some thoughts.  I know that it would be very easy to read this post and come up with 10 different ways you haven't died to yourself and then begin to come up with strategies on "how to do better tomorrow."  You could beat yourself up and say, "I don't really love Jesus."  If that is your reaction, then you've missed the point.  The "key" to this is to FOLLOW Jesus' lead, and He knows how to speak to you.  However, so many of us have never been taught to listen for His voice because we have been taught to be on a mission of self-improvement.

If your immediate reaction is self-improvement, I believe it is due to one of the greatest misunderstandings of the church today - the idea that a Holy God cannot be in the presence of sin.  In my series entitled, Journey to Understand Grace: Part 3, I address this misunderstanding in depth.  But very simply, Jesus Christ could not have been fully God here on earth if that concept is true.  Because of our obsession with the "problem of our sin" we end up total ignoring the beauty of the cross and what Jesus did.  God states in Psalm 103:12 that He has removed our sin as far as the east is from the west.  So what does this have to do with trusting Jesus?  If you still think your sin is an issue between the two of you, then you will not come to Him to listen nor trust His leading and guidance.  Instead, you will be spending all your time, trying to figure out how to get yourself better in order to spend time with Him.  However, it will be a fruitless cycle of despair and desperation because apart from Christ you cannot be righteous.  So if you don't feel like you can come to Him because of your failures and you try to get better in order to come to Him, you will fail over and over and over again.  Or Beloved, you can embrace the truth.  Jesus Christ came to set you free from the curse of sin and death and you have full access to Him 24/7 no matter what you have done.  This kind of love is profound and can be found in no other place. 

Jesus invitation to Peter provides a perfect scenario of the difference between self-improvement and following Jesus' lead.  Peter had declared that He would follow Jesus to the death but ended up denying Him 3 times!  Then, Jesus came to Peter and asked Peter 3 times if Peter loved Him.  After the third time, Peter finally said, "Lord you know all things..."  Jesus replied, "Follow me."  And that is where the truth lies.  Jesus knew Peter's heart the whole time, but before Peter understood this, Peter thought it was his duty to prove his love to Jesus by the things he did.  Jesus instead showed His great love for Peter that NOTHING could get in the way of Jesus' love for him, including failure, and that Jesus is the One that will lead us the way we should go.  We just have to follow Him.

So I don't know what lies have gotten in the way to prevent you from a desire to follow Jesus with all your heart even unto death.  However, I do know that He is a faithful, True and loving God and He will meet you right where you are at.  In addition, I hope that you understand this "death" to yourself is not so that you can live a miserable existence.  Rather Jesus says, "he who gives up his life for me, will find it (Matthew  10:39)."  This death, is an exchanging of the lies and the masks that we carry around and hide behind.  The result of this "death" is life and life abundant.


In Christ,

In theory

(Shhh,don't tell my mother-in-law) But in theory it is possible for someone in America to leave their garage door open all night and leave their doors unlocked.  In this theoretical situation, it is also possible that nothing bad happened as a result.  The family was not murdered, no goods were stolen, everyone slept soundly and securely.

It is also possible, in theory of course, that the said family had a husband and a wife and that on this particular night the wife went to bed slightly upset at the theoretical husband.  Perhaps, as she was walking up the stairs, thoughts were ringing in her head, "Don't let the sun go down on  your anger, it can give the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:26)."  Of course, the thoughts were ignored as, "it's no big deal, we can deal with it in the morning."  The situation was dealt with in the morning and it ended up being no big deal. 

However, as the wife opened the door on the theoretical next morning and saw the garage door, wide open to the outside air the Holy Spirit began to speak, "Going to bed in your anger is like leaving your garage door wide open to the enemy.  Just because the enemy, who steal, kills and destroys (John 10:10), didn't stop by that night it doesn't mean it is wise to leave your garage door wide open."

So perhaps this theoretical woman will stop by this blog and read posts like Movement and remember that it is worth choosing life in your marriage for the protection of your home and your family.  Also, maybe she will remember to make sure the garage door is closed before going to bed.

In Christ,

Trying to make things happen

I sinned against my husband this week.  As I began reflecting on the "why" the Lord began downloading a lot of things into my heart. 

My sin came from trying to make something happen.  The thing I wanted to make happen I felt had God's blessing and favor on it and I didn't feel my husband was seeing "God's perspective" and so I thought I could take matters into my own hands to make it happen.  As you may have already guessed, this didn't work out very well. 

As I was reflecting on this incident, I thought, "the motivation behind my sin was good, I wanted God's will to be done!! So of course that should have justified the means."  But as I reflected more I was reminded of Rebekah's incident (Genesis 27).  Rebekah knew of God's promises concerning Jacob.  God had in fact told her that the older (Easau) would serve the younger (Jacob; Genesis 25:23) and now Isaac was about to bless Esau when it was in fact Jacob's blessing.  She was not about to let that happen.  She took matters into own hand.  Jacob did receive the blessing, "God's will," but her method ended up costing her alot and she had to send her son away for 20 years.

I then was reminded of Sarah.  She too knew that God had promised Abraham a son but it obviously wasn't happening through her.  So she too, took matters into her own hands (Genesis 16), and had her maidservant Hagar sleep with her husband.  The result, Ishmael, ended up being a thorn in Sarah's side for many, many years. 

With both of these ladies, they knew God's will and His promises to their families.  They didn't see their husbands "moving on it" or making it happen, so they decided to take matters into their own hands to make it happen.  A version of "God's will" ended up happening but their forced version also had many negative consequences attached to it and instead of having a beautiful thing, they ended up with some very heavy burdens.

Here is the train of progress:

Desire to see God's will done.
Mistrust of your husband's heart and ability to make it happen.
Taking matters into your own hands: sin.
Ultimately mistrusting God's heart.

Seeing it this way, brought me back to the full truth.  When we as wives, take matters into our own hands, we aren't just mistrusting our husbands, we ultimately are mistrusting God.  We don't think God is able to bring about His will without our help. We've deceived ourselves to think that our husbands are the problem, when in fact the problem remains in our own hearts we ultimately still don't trust God and we think he is holding out on us.  Where did this all come from? Eve.  Eve took matters into her own hand.  She felt that God was holding out on her.  He was keeping her from something good, so she would make the "good" thing happen.  The consequence:

Genesis 3:16

Yet your desire will be for your husband,

And he will rule over you.

Ladies, we have been fighting against this consequence ever since and even as Christians we still try to fight against it, but we disguise our sin in the clothes of making "God's will" happen and thus we justify ourselves when we subvert the authority of our husband.  But even after Christ, God has a design for our own protection and blessing.  Here it is in Ephesians 5:22-24:

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife as

Christ is the head of the church,

his body, of which he is the Savior.

Now as the church submits to Christ,

so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

In regards to our marriages, this is the design of God:

Christ is the head

Your husbands are in submission to Him.

We are in submission to our husbands.

This provides a place of protection and blessing.

This sums up what I've learned this week:

God does not need to circumvent His design

to make His will happen.

I definitely haven't figured out how to walk this out perfectly, but it has opened my eyes.  What I am working on is trusting my husband's heart and ultimately trusting God's heart.  The safest way for me to operate in God's actual will is by operating in the position that He has created for me.

In Christ,

Running Barefoot

Spring is trying to come to Wisconsin and I have already noticed those awful prickly weeds starting to grow in our backyard. Our backyard has been notorious for having those weeds that are extremely prickly and if you step on them those prickles get embedded in your feet. My desire for my backyard is for it to be weed free so that my kids would be able to run through the backyard barefoot. I want them to be able to enjoy the summer without a care in the world.

As I've looked at those weeds it has reminded me of marriage and how our marriages provide the "yard" in which our kids play, romp and learn about life.

Malachi 2:15

"Has not the LORD made them one?

In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one?

Because he was seeking godly offspring.

So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith

with the wife of your youth."

I am becoming more aware of the importance of marriage because of its relation to our children. This verse points out that God made us one flesh with our spouse because He desires godly offspring. Marriages provide a foundation for our kids, and it doesn't matter how young, or old they are, your marriage still provides a stability for their identity.

It is very easy for weeds to grow in our marriage "yards." We need to weed our "yards" on a regular basis so that our kids can run through life, enjoying and not worrying about getting hurt in their own yards.

Hebrews 12:14-16

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy;

without holiness no one will see the Lord.

See to it that no one misses the grace of God

and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

One weed that can begin to sneak into marriages is a root of bitterness. Bitterness starts out small and seems like not a big deal, just like those weeds. However, if bitterness is not dealt with, it will get deeply rooted and begin to spread. It might not seem to effect your kids because it is so small but as days and weeks go by it will continue to grow and spread and there will be a day your kids will stumble upon it and it will hurt them. When Mercea was 2 she was running in our backyard and her whole foot got filled with those prickles. It was not a pretty moment.

I don't know where you are in your marriage and whether you have younger or older kids but no matter what I would like to encourage you to do some spring weeding in your marriage "yards." If you need motivation then do it for the sake of your kids. None of us would purposely send our kids out in a yard full of prickly weeds to run around barefoot and get hurt. However, we often allow the weeds of our marriage to get out of control and we end up hurting our kids more than if they would have stepped on real weeds.

Here are some verses that deal with uprooting weeds in the spirit realm:

James 3:13-16

Who is wise and understanding among you?

Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that

comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition

in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom"

does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil.

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder

and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure;

then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy

and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

Ephesians 4:30-32

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,

with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander,

along with every form of malice.

Be kind and compassionate to one another,

forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Steps to keeping your marriage-yard weed free:

• Recognize the importance of your marriage and the role it plays for your children's lives
• Guard your spirit against marriage busters
• Get rid of the behaviors that create weeds such as, bitterness, anger, envy and selfishness
• Replace those behaviors with weed-killers: peacefulness, compassion, mercy, forgiveness and kindness

My prayer for you and your marriage is that you, your children and your spouse can run barefoot through your "yards" this summer.