Worrying

Life has been stressful the last couple of months.  My husband has had some health issues that we have yet to find the root cause.  The next two weeks are full of busyness and as they've come closer I have found myself filled with dread.  One of my friend's texted me the other day to check in on me and I was going to text her back that "I just want to close my eyes and fast-forward through the next two weeks."  But as I went to write it, I felt a little check in my spirit and I was reminded of what the Lord has been teaching me over the last few weeks.

For the last month, my daily prayer time included the following verses:

Remember my affliction and my bitterness, •

the wormwood and the gall!

But this I call to mind, •

and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, •

his mercies never come to an end;

They are new every morning; •

great is your faithfulness.

‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, •

‘therefore I will hope in him.’

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, •

to the soul that seeks him.

It is good that we should wait quietly•

for the salvation of the Lord.

For the Lord will not reject for ever; •

though he causes grief, he will have compassion,

According to the abundance of his steadfast love; •

for he does not willingly afflict or grieve anyone.

Lamentations 1.12, 16a,b; 3.19, 21-26, 31-33

Reading and praying those verses everyday has been great preparation my heart and mind.  As each day came it was tolerable and actually a lot of days were for the most part good - but no matter what they were all filled with grace.  Grace of a handwritten note of love, emailed prayers and encouragement from friends, pulling out a freezer meal made by friend for a rainy day, texting my mom back and forth with notes of prayer requests, watching my daughter snuggle close to her dad, getting Starbucks dropped off just because... the list goes on and on.  

So as I thought about these verses and these moments of grace - I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God's mercies are new every morning and that He had been faithful to me everyday.  I also knew that it was safe for me to rest in His steadfast love.  But yet there were many moments when I thought about the "possibilities of the future" that hopelessness would begin to settle into my heart and then it dawned on me:

When I reflected on the past and I lived in the present I could see the grace of God and just as He promised His grace was sufficient in my weakness.  However, when I looked to the future it was bleak and it appeared too hard to walk through.  The missing component of all my future fears was that God was still going to be present, able and loving no matter what happens.  As I venture forward, I have heard the whisper of God that He is a safe place for me to put my hope in and He will be faithful to my family every step of the way.  So I am leaving tomorrow in His hands and resting in the grace that He has provided for today.

In Christ,

4 Special Ladies

Happy 60th Birthday to my Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who is forever young in heart and spirit!

I love you!!!!

In celebration of my Mom's birthday, the e-book version of my book, A Bond of Blessing: Insights from the book of Ruth for Mothers-in-law and Daughters-in-law is free today 10/8/12 at Amazon.com. 

I'm also sharing my annual post, 4 Special Ladies, that I like to publish on this day.  Enjoy (with a box of Kleenex)!

 Exodus 20:5-6:

for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God,

punishing the children for the sin of the fathers

to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,

but showing love to a thousand {generations}

of those who love me and keep my commandments.

I personally have had a lot more blessing in my life from my generations than negative.  I would like to share pieces of the story's of 4 incredible women in my family heritage.

Special Lady One: My Grandma Bernadine

My Grandma had sparkly eyes, a strong spirit and a happy smile. She always looked old to me with lots of wrinkles on her face and white hair. She was the best. As I've learned more about her story, I appreciate so much more who she was and how she showed us the reality of God's love in the way she lived her life.

Grandma had 6 children, which the last 2 were twins! That in itself is a lot, but she raised all of her children primarily on her own, as her first husband was abusive and divorced her when the children were young. My Grandma raised 6 children as a single mother and she worked as a teacher. During one period of her life she worked an hour away from home so her work days were a minimum of 10 hours a day, plus 6 children to take care of by herself. But my Grandma knew who her God was and she served Him all the days of her life. She couldn't sing a note in tune, but she was in her church choir and faithfully attended church. My Grandma was a prayer warrior and I know she prayed for each of us by name, and I know I am still receiving the blessings from her prayers.

To give you an idea of the strength of my Grandma, she died of lung cancer 2 and a half weeks after being diagnosed because she didn't go to the doctor for being sick. The only reason we found out she had cancer was because she visited us for Thanksgiving and when my mom heard the way she was breathing she took her to the doctor. I remember visiting her in the hospital a week and a half before she died and she wanted to prove to the doctor she was strong enough to go home. She literally jumped out of bed (at age 85, and only about 4 feet 10 inches) and was pushing on the doctors hand to show her strength. During that visit she talked about how she was teaching Hebrews to her Bible study and had been studying the Matthew Henry Concordance in preparation.  She plopped open the huge concordance on her bed! Finally, the last time I would see her concious, she sang to me: "He's still working on me, to make me what He wants me to be..." She was an amazing, strong Christian woman and I feel very humbled and blessed to have her in my family line.

Special Lady Number 2: Aunt Ethel
Aunt Ethel was my Grandma Bernadine's sister. She died at the ripe old age of 100 just days after her 100th birthday. She too was an incredible woman of God whose eyes shined of a daughter who knew who she was even after all she had been through. Now I can't find my fact sheet so I might be a little off on numbers  but my great-aunt had an incredibly hard life.

She was married on her 18th birthday because her father wouldn't let her get married a day before that and she didn't want to wait until a day after that! She had a beautiful first son and everything was fine. But after that tragedy began to strike. My great aunt was RH-negative before the doctors knew what RH-negative was. As a result, she subsequently lost 9 children shortly after childbirth. Only one of her other children, Jane survived but she was mentally handicapped. Aunt Ethel once told me how she tried drinking horse's urine during one of her pregnancies because she was told that would help her baby live. During her last pregnancy, they were starting to figure out RH-negative but the babies (twins) were not given the help they needed in time. My great aunt lived through the death of all those babies, and then Jane died of cancer in her 40's, then her husband died and finally she also endured the death of my Grandma (her baby sister by 11 years). However, you would never know she had been through all that if you met her.  Whenever I would see her, she would always have a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. She lived many days on earth and lost so much but she lived with a confidence that was so evident that she knew who she belonged to and where she was going.

Special Lady Number 3: My Mom (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!):
My mom too went through a lot. She grew up in a broken home and had a mom that had to be gone more than present just to keep the family afloat. She married her high school sweetheart right out of high school and proceeded to have 3 children over the next 7 years. She was pregnant with me (the 3rd child) and going to law school when she received a call that my biological father had been killed in a motorcycle accident. This was on August 7, 1978 a month and a day before I was born. She too ended up being a single mom, having 3 kids and finishing law school. She has lost much during her life but she has also given much and loved much.

She is a wonderful Mom and an incredible Grandma.  As I watch my daughter grow, she reminds me more and more of my Mom.  I know her life hasn't always been easy but the grace and love of God has taught her how to love.  She is my mom and I know I can always call her for prayer support and she will pray. She grows more and more beautiful to me as each day goes by. I love you Mom. Happy Birthday!

Special Lady Number 4: My Cousin

And the history of my family line continues to unfold.  Even as I write, the reality of God and our ability to experience Him in the midst of real life, suffering, hardship, excitement and joy is being lived out in my cousin Amanda's life.

I originally wrote this post on 10/08/09 and literally while I was writing it, another story was unfolding in my family heritage. On this date (09), my sweet cousin Amanda was having a routine 20-week ultrasound. During that ultrasound she found out that her unborn daughter, Layla Rae, had Potter's syndrome and if she survived in the womb, her life outside of the womb would be extremely short. I heard the news hours after I originally wrote this post and I literally lost it (Layla Rae's diagnosis and birth date lined up month wise exactly with Nevaeh Rae's diagnosis and birth date; for me it felt like I was literally walking through the story again. Thank God for good friends, my friend Correna came and prayed with me for a couple hours that day). Over the past  three years I have watched my cousin walk humbly, honestly and confidently before the Lord. She has been a complete inspiration to my soul.

Layla Rae was born January 6, 2010 and lived a very short while being loved by her family:

The story continues on, my cousin is due this very month (October) with her precious second child.  She is anxiously counting the days left (17 days from today she is due).  We joyously await the coming of the newest one to our family line and we continue to rejoice at God's faithfulness and love to our entire family line, for generations to come:

My Cousin Amanda!

As, I look at my godly heritage I know that I am blessed.  Each of these incredible women, move me, inspire me and bring tears to my eyes.  I love and thank God for each one of them.
In Christ,

Yahweh

I so enjoyed reflecting on Yahweh this week, that I wanted to share about Him for another day.  I ran across this song yesterday afternoon and it is a beautiful worship song so if you have time to listen today here it is:




Secondly, I am bringing out of the archives a poem/prayer I wrote several years ago about I am.  Enjoy,

Dearest Child,

What is it that you need? What is it that you are searching for?

Do you feel like your life is a mess?

I am your Redeemer.

Do you feel unloved?

I am the Lover of your soul.

Are you filled with sorrow?

I am your Comforter.

Do you feel alone?

I have promised to never leave you or forsake you.

Do you feel your story is incomplete?

I am the author and perfecter of your faith. Fix your eyes on me.

Are you afraid?

I am your Defender and Protector.

Are there situations in your life that you need to be rescued from?

I am a Warrior; I fight for you daily and will save you.

Do you feel unknown?

I have numbered even the hairs on your head ~ I know you.

Do you need to rest?

I have asked you to come to me when you are weary and I will give you rest.

Whatever it is you are facing ~ I AM.

I AM here for you to be your strong tower, a refuge. I AM mighty and the one who can and will and does fight for you daily. I AM full of love & provide a place to receive mercy and grace in your time of need.

Ask me your questions. I will answer you for

I AM.

Love,

Your Heavenly Father

References:

Redeemer: Isaiah 48:17, Jeremiah 50:34
Lover: Song of Solomon 2:14, 1 John 4:10
Comforter: Isaiah 49:13, 2 Corinthians 1: 3-5
Never leave: Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5
Fix your eyes: Hebrews 12:2
Defender: Isaiah 19:20, Proverbs 23:11
Warrior & Savior: Exodus 15:3, Isaiah 42:13, Jeremiah 20:11, Isaiah 43:11, Isaiah 45:21
Give you rest: Psalm 68:19, Matthew 11:38
Numbered hairs on your head: Luke 12: 6,7
I AM: Exodus 3:14
Refuge: 2 Samuel 22:3
Mighty One: Psalm 50:1
Gracious: Exodus 34:6, Psalm 116:5, Isaiah 30:18, Romans 8:32
Merciful: Deuteronomy 4:31, Micah 7:18, Luke 1:50, Titus 3:4-7

In Christ,

Can anything good come from dust?

Sunset Over the Hill by lucianvenutian

My kids and I went to the library last week. Our library experiences aren't organized or intentional by any means, instead this is how we do the library: we walk in, the kids grab a few books randomly off the shelf, they give them to me and then they go off and play with the toys. This method never allows us to know what we are coming home with much less knowing whether the books will be excellent, okay or just plain strange. During our last trip, they managed to pick a good book, Stars Beneath Your Bed: The Surprising Story of Dust by April Pulley Sayre. The story talks about what dust is, where it comes from and what it does. The end of the book has 2 pages discussing dust in further details for the adults and in those pages it says, "When the sun is low in the sky, its rays hit dust particles at an angle. The more dust, the more colorful the sunsets and sunrises. When volcanoes erupt or forest fires burn, they send a lot of ash and soot into the air. This ash makes sunsets particularly colorful for weeks and even months, until the dust settles."

Who doesn't love a beautiful sunset? Who knew that something we find as useless and annoying as dust is the palette, which God uses to create His artistic masterpieces? God wastes nothing, not even something as small as 1/16th of a millimeter of ash. We all appreciate God's handiwork in the physical realm and as we appreciate these displays of His splendor it should remind us of what He also promises to do for us in the spiritual realm:

Isaiah 62:2-3

to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes, the oil of gladness

instead of mourning, and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

The God who uses dust and ash in the physical realm promises to one up it for us in the spiritual realm; He promises to replace our ashes with a crown of beauty. In the Old Testament, times of mourning and repentance often included the presence of ashes. As I look over the past year, there have many days of mourning in my life and the lives of those around me. While I am not surrounded by the presence of physical ashes there are many dreams and desires that currently are ashes in my minds' eye. Sometimes it has been hard for me to look up and not settle into a place of sadness and despair. This book along with the verses in Isaiah have reminded me that even the ashes in our lives will be redeemed by Him. If a sunset is a demonstration of what He can do just by shining on ashes I can't wait to see what He will do when He replaces them.

Smorgasbord Tuesday: Fruit of the Spirit Faithfulness

This week's fruit of the spirit is faithfulness. I feel that I have a grasp of understanding about this fruit because of my husband. This month we will be married 8 years and we dated for 8 years, so we've been together for 16 years. During our wedding ceremony it was mentioned that one of my favorite qualities of Josh was his faithfulness. That quality still remains one of my favorite quality traits of him. If you have the opportunity to become Josh's friend you have made a friend for life. It doesn't matter if you turn your back on him, or reject him, he will remain faithful to you despite of you because his faithfulness is not dependent upon who you are but it is dependent upon who he is.

Because of this amazing quality trait in my husband I think I am able to have a greater understanding of the faithfulness of God.

2 Timothy 2:13
If we are faithless,

He will remain faithful,

for He cannot disown himself.

God's faithfulness to us is not dependent upon who we are but it is dependent upon His character. We can know without a doubt that God will never abandon us because it would go against His character, who He is, to do that. It has nothing to do with me or my faithfulness but it has everything to do with Him.

I feel blessed to be married to a man that has a genuine character trait of faithfulness. Now I know Josh is a human being, but I have no fears or qualms of him ever being unfaithful to me because I know it would go against the core of who he is. His being unfaithful would require him not only to breech our relationship but it would also require him to go against a core part of himself. Being in a relationship with someone who has a character trait of faithfulness does several things for you. One thing it does is it removes fear. I don't have to worry about what he is doing and I do not have to worry about our future together . I also don't have to try to be a certain way in order to keep his affections on me and me alone. Another thing faithfulness does it creates an atmosphere for trust. I can trust Josh and I can trust the activities that he is doing even when I'm not around because he has promised to be faithful.

I hope this description of my husband gives you a clearer understanding of God and His faithfulness. When we get a grasp of God's faithfulness towards us it will set us free to be ourselves. His love and commitment to us has nothing to do with who we are but has everything to do with who He is. He will not disown us, because to do so would cause Him to disown Himself. So we don't have to live in fear of losing God's faithfulness towards us and we don't have to try to be somebody else in order to keep His affections on us. He loves us just the way we are and He always will. When you remove this fear of abandonment trust can fill its place. If you truly believe that God will always be faithful to you and will never abandon you then you can trust Him through whatever circumstance you find yourself in. There may be times when you think He has left you, or that He is no where to be found. You don't have to fear though that He has given up on you, or found someone else to care about and so now He has no time for you anymore. Instead, you can trust that He has your best interest in mind, and even though you maybe can't see Him at the moment He is caring for you because He alone is the Faithful and True One (Revelation 19:11).

Reflect this week on the faithfulness of God to you. As always, I believe when you grasp the character of God not only in your head but in your heart it will begin to flow out of you naturally to others.

Finally, if fear and abandonment have been a part of your life story I truly believe God desires to speak to that wounded place in your heart. He has promised to never leave you or forsake you. He is asking for you to give Him the broken places of your heart and allow Him to move in them. Do not draw back in fear but let the Great Physician take the wounded places and breathe His life into them.