Timeout for Mom

Well, Mother's Day was a test of my emotions, not because of a lack of love or appreciation from my family, rather it was due to what rose up inside of me.


"It's my party and I can cry if I want to..." would probably have been an appropriate theme song for that weekend. I don't usually need attention but something about that weekend awakened a quietly sleeping selfish beast. This beast thought: I should be served and appreciated and I shouldn't need to lift a single finger on Mother's Day weekend. (I'm just being honest.)

While this picture didn't turn out because I was trying not to squint, it does ironically capture a look at the beast.

The next day was no picnic either. After being loved on, celebrated and appreciated, you'd think it would be a beautiful day of peace and calmness where I eloquently demonstrated that I am that mother that was celebrated. But it just wasn't so.

So this morning, I had to give myself a timeout and be brought back to what I know to be true. I've prayed the prayers, "Lord, take my selfishness away. Make me patient, loving, gentle and kind!" And what I meant by that is: rip out all the evil and immediately upload the good. Do  a massive reboot today and let me look like who I really want to be in my mind. But as usual, I was reminded that just isn't how He works (at least not with me). Instead, He promised to walk with me today and teach me how to live and love by being daily transformed from inside out. Instead of the wave of a magic wand, I have to do the hard work of saying I'm sorry, asking for forgiveness and demonstrating by action that I need God to help me be a mother. So during my timeout, I went back through some old posts about what He has taught me in the past because I needed the reminder. So if you too were reminded on Mother's Day that you are far from the perfect mother and that you need God to be the builder of your home feel free to glance back with me:

10 pennies: which now reside in my pocket, 6 pennies in one and 4 in the other...

Gentleness: Oh, what a good reminder.

Training Children: Maybe better yet it should be called Training Parents.

This is a better reflection of how my family really makes me feel.

In Christ,

Lessons from my children Part 5: Traveling the way of love

A couple years ago, I did a series on Lessons from my children.  The series covered things I was learning while working through issues with my children. My kids are entering a new stage and as a result we are trying to work through some new kinks.  So I thought I would add onto the series and share our latest lesson.

I've shared before that my children have opposite personalities - every day that passes accentuates it more and more.  As my son, James the oldest, is getting older he is starting to get very frustrated with his sister.  My son is a straight-forward, no-nonsense kind of guy.  He knows how to laugh but he can also be very serious.  His sister Mercea, on the other hand, is a huge practical joker.  She loves to be silly, all the time, and she is the more aggressive personality, therefore she enjoys pushing his buttons.  So what has been coming out of his mouth alot is an exasperated voice stating, "My sister is so annoying!" "Why does she ALWAYS have to be like that!"

The other day, these words came out again so I thought it was time to deal with it.  When I feel like there is an issue I need to work through with my kids I send them to the bottom of the stairs.  They have to sit there quietly and wait until I'm ready:)!

On this particular day, the Holy Spirit reminded me that just two days before we had read Ephesians 4 together as a family and here was an opportunity for me to pull that out and show them how God's Word interacts with their everyday life:

Ephesains 4:1-7, 15, 24-29

In light of all this, here’s what I want you to do. While I’m locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don’t want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don’t want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.

4-6 You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness.

7 But that doesn’t mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift.

We stopped here and talked about how we are each different - God has given James one personality and Mercea another personality.  But through our family, God is teaching us how to learn to love, cooperate and get along with others.  I stated how God is preparing both of them for marriage someday. They would someday marry someone who most likely will have a different personality. In fact, James might marry someone who had some of the same traits as his sister. God is giving them the time to learn how to love, how to compromise, how to be kind even when they didn't want to be kind. Do they want Mom and Dad to act like them whenever differences come up? We can have very different personalites but the way of love is learning to appreciate those differences, listen to those differences and learn how to walk together.

We talked about how these verses acknowledge that people do have differences but we need to work these differences out quickly.  What they do share in common is love for God and the fact that He is Our Father and we are His children.  So yes, we do look different and that is okay!  How then, does God want us to live?

God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.

Take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

25 What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.

26-27 Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.

29 Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

I love the practicality of Scripture.  I love that God doesn't leave us with, "Just don't do this, because it is wrong!" and therefore we get left with a weight that we can't carry.  But rather, He shows us a better way and invites us into it.  We see Christ, we know Christ and we learn that, yes, we have differences but there is a way to journey, with those differences intact, that leads to life.

As I walked away, I was overwhelmed with graditude to God for giving us a way to walk in as we manauver through this season of differences.  Also, for challenging me in my adult life to take these words to heart and let it effect how I deal with the people in my life that are different from me!  What a beautiful challenge to leave with - let each word be a gift! 

And this is where I like to rewind - this whole section started out with the words, "In light of all this..."

In light of what?

Ephesians 3:19-21

The extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.

20-21 God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

The extravagant dimensions of Christ' love is what makes this possible.  God can do anything... even teach us how to love our brother and sister and walk with them in grace and love.  How? By following his Spirit.

In Christ,

Cranky Christmas Love

I checked my e-mail when I woke up this morning and found that an order I had placed last week was canceled because the items were no longer in stock.  I then had to hop on the phone and after 25 minutes of placing a new order was told they were not going to give me some of the "cash" they owed me because the coupon had expired.  I explained it was not my fault because they had canceled the order I had placed while the coupon was active.  By this time frustration had begun to mount inside me - it is early morning, the person on the other end of the line barely speaks English, this is not what I wanted to do with my morning I wanted to blog and spend time with God, it was only $3.60 but it is the principle of the thing - all these thoughts added together and resulted in crankiness towards the person on the other side of the phone.

While I was on hold waiting to speak to a manager, the Holy Spirit was quietly conversing with me.  He reminded me that even while I was on the phone I was spending time with Him and He also reminded me of some of the things I read in The Greatest Thing in the World, things about the development of character.   God works and moves in the dailyness of life and not just when I am in "worship and quiet time" with Him:

Why should God have provided

that so many hours of every

day should be occupied with work? 

It is because work makes men. 

 Character is the music of the soul, and is developed by exercise. 

Active use of the power entrusted

to us is one of the chief

means which God employs

for producing the Christian graces.

In the end, it all worked out, I got my $3.60 back, and I didn't even have to talk to the manager about it. But through it all, I was also reminded of the opportunities God has given me to show His love to other people and not be so American about my rights to good service but to care more about the person serving me and remembering that they have 8 hours to work with cranky housewives who are trying to share the "Christmas spirit" by purchasing items on-line.  Perhaps, I can and should pause and spread the fragrance of Christ through love by being patient, kind and understanding...

Do we carry about with us the thought of

God wherever we go?  If not,

we have missed the greatest part of life.

I realized that being on the phone wasn't just a waste of time (which is what I thought) but rather a chance to feel God's refining fire at work in my heart, teaching me how to love when it was the very last thing I wanted to do.  So once again I am reminded, challenged, encouraged that "in Him we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28)."

Which end of the continuum do I want those that interact with me to associate with Christmas - crankiness or love? 

In Christ,

PS The quotes in italics are from The Greatest Thing in the World.

Waiting on the Lord

What does it mean to wait on the Lord?  Personally, I believe it means to trust that the Lord is moving even though we can't see what He is doing; it is an element of faith.  In order for us to trust Him, we need to rest in His character, that He is who He says He is even when we don't see it. 

Years ago, I read a commentary on Exodus 33:18-22:

Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.”

19 And the LORD said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you,

and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence.

I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom

 I will have compassion. 20 But,”

he said,

“you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.”

21 Then the LORD said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock.

 22 When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. 23

Then I will remove my hand and you

will see my back; but my face must not be seen.”

The commentary stated that Jewish tradition teaches the following based on this story: "You cannot see God in the moment, you can only see where He has been."  I have found this to be so true in my life.  There have been many moments when I have called out to the Lord in the desperation of the moment and got up discouraged because I didn't get "an answer" in that moment.  However, there are so many more times when I have emerged from a season of hardship and looked back and I can see God's hand EVERYWHERE!  Why?  I think that this Jewish commentary sheds some light on the why.  God is always present and working but we do not have the ability to see Him in the moment.  However, just because we can't presently see Him, does not mean that He is not at work.  Because of this truth, I have been taking the time to learn how to wait on the Lord.

As I said in the beginning, waiting on the Lord means to rest in His character in the midst of situations; instead, of being in despair, I choose to rest in the faithfulness of the Lord and wait in eager expectation of the day when I can look back and say, "There you were."

The Psalms provide us with plenty examples of doing this, here are a few:

Psalm 5:3

In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice;

in the morning I lay my requests before you

and wait expectantly.

Psalm 37:7

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;

do not fret when people succeed in their ways,

when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Psalm 130:5

I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,

and in his word I put my hope.

I am learning that it is so worth waiting on the Lord.  There comes a time in our lives when what we believe should begin to affect the reality of how we live our daily lives.  One way to do this is by learning how the Lord operates so when hard times come we are not confused.  The Lord has promised that He will always be faithful, even if we are not faithful; that He will never leave us or abandon us.  If and when you are in a situation where you can't see His face, learn to wait on the Lord.  Don't let the smallness of our minds, cloud out the greatness of our God.  Instead, wait in eager expectation that He has placed you in the cleft of the rock (Jesus) and know that there will be a day when you can look back and say, "There you were."

In Christ,

Smorgasbord Tuesday: Fruit of the Spirit - Patience

Mahesh Kanna's Mangoes

So I'm starting to wonder what I was thinking 4 weeks ago when I thought it would be a good idea to go through the fruit of the Spirit. This journey for me has been like holding a big mirror up to my face and realizing it is full of dark permanent ink. In other words, yeah I need the Holy Spirit and His fruit in my life. The trees are looking awfully bear. How do you look?

Today's fruit is patience and I am by no means an expert on this fruit. I decided that if I were to ever have another child her name would be Patience because that was the next thing I needed to learn. Repeating the word, Patience, 20 times a day keeps the concept on the forefront of your mind! So like I said patience is not my greatest strength which gives me all the more reason to lean into the Holy Spirit.

I guess the theme that has been emerging for me during this journey the last 4 weeks is SURRENDER. I do; I surrender. You grow up a Christian, read the Bible, etc and people begin to look at you like you might be onto something. It starts to creep into your mind, yeah, I am something, I've got this thing down, I know how to be a Christian. Then, you look in the mirror, the word of God, and you realize left on your own you are still a dark stained mess:

Song of Solomon 1:5-6

I'm dark but lovely,

women of Jerusalem,

dark like the tents of Kedar,

like the curtains of Solomon.

Don't look at how dark I am,

at how dark the sun has made me.

My former pastor Shane Holden does a beautiful series on the book of the Song of Solomon relating it to our Christian walk. He hits on the verses above and talks about how we are dark, full of sin, but yet in God's eyes through His grace we remain lovely to Him. My point in all of this, is we need the Holy Spirit ~ like I've said before. If you see things in me that you like and enjoy, it is only there by the grace of God living through me (Put Your Clothes On! and Uprooting a Besetting Sin talk about some of the ways I've grown). I have a few friends that say to me, "Oh, your sooo patient." Well, guess what, I'm not! Any patience I do exhibit I give full credit to the Holy Spirit on those times because He has to reign me in a lot, but I often regrettable escape His grasp and go ahead with what I want to do. We are still working on this one together.

So here is a definition of patience for you scholarly types: The capacity to endure hardship, difficulty, or inconvenience without complaint. Patience emphasizes calmness, self-control, and the willingness or ability to tolerate delay (from http://www.thefreedictionary.com/patience).

If you are like me and patience isn't your strong point, join the club. You need the Holy Spirit and like I said, He will grab a hold of you: your tongue, your thoughts, your actions if you let Him. And when you fail, you jump back into His arms and say, "Let's try it again. You go first this time."

So pull out your journals and let loose. Remember, if you leave a comment, you will get your name entered into the drawing for Sailing Between the Stars by Stephen James.

Love ya,