What are you feeding your kids?

This morning I woke up thinking about Daniel 1:8

But Daniel purposed in his heart

that he would not defile himself with the portion

of the king's meat, nor with the wine which he drank.

Therefore he requested of the prince of the eunuchs

that he might not defile himself.

In case you do not know the story, Daniel had been taken captive to Babylon.  He has been selected by the kingdom to be trained in the Babylonian ways.  One of the ways of training was for them to eat the food of the kingdom, but the foods presented went against Daniel's principles.  So Daniel purposed in his heart to do things differently; to do things God's way.  Here was the result:

Daniel 1:19-20

And the king communed with them, and among them all was found none

like Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. Therefore stood they before the king. 

And in all matters of wisdom and understanding

that the king inquired of them, he found them ten times better

than all the magicians and astrologers who were in all his realm.

This story has always been inspirational to me.  Daniel was given a huge opportunity to be influential in the kingdom of Babylon.  I have no doubts that the food was delicious and very tempting and he could have easily blended in and probably did just fine, but he said "No, I am doing it God's way" and the result made him head and shoulders above the rest.  My challenge from this post will be for us to ask ourselves if we are raising our kid's God's way?  Are our kids standing head and shoulders above their unsaved peers?

Babylon was one of the most influential kingdoms of the time and to be given the opportunity to eat the food  that the king provided had to be huge.  There was probably a choice of a WIDE variety of the very best foods.  But Daniel chose not to look at the opportunities being presented to him, but rather to look at the principles of God and to filter his choices through God's way.

In America, we are incredibly blessed with a wide varieties of opportunities.  Around every corner are things that appear to be very beneficial.  Like Daniel, our kids have the opportunity to "eat" from the very best that this world has to offer right now, but are we as parents willing to step back and choose to do things according to God's principles and not the world's?  Are our expectations in line with His expectations or are they in line with what society says is normal?

I am often amazed when I talk to Christian parents who state the norm in their house is for their children to fight. Our society teaches that there is such a thing called "sibling rivalry" and that this is normal.  As a result, many people tolerate this sort of behavior between their children.  The Bible also taught (first) that yes, we have a sinful nature BUT we have to learn to overcome it with God.   I am also amazed by the common thread in our society that our "kids will outgrow these negative behaviors" and we call these negative behaviors "stages."  While I totally understand that our children do go through stages of negative behavior, the Bible does not call us to laugh it off, wait until the stage passes and/or look the other way.  Instead, as parents, we ARE called to train and discipline our children, and this training can and should produce a DIFFERENCE.

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go,

and when he is old he will not depart from it.

I am not saying that the proof you are doing this will be that your children are perfect little angels and never do anything wrong, but rather I am asking the question: are we training them?  The word "training" implies work.  If you have ever exercised and lifted weights you know that it is tiring and not easy, but WHEN you do it there is positive results. Our children should be known for their character. 

Proverbs 20:11

Even a child is known by his doings,

whether his work be pure and whether it be right.

Is that a goal you have for your children in their youth?  That people would know them for the good and the right things that they do?

God challenges us to some pretty big things are Christians: 

Romans 12:18

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

We are to love our brother and sisters in Christ, serve one another and live at peace with everyone.  What better place for our kids to practice and learn to live this out then in our homes?  As Christian parents, we have been given the opportunity to give our kids a HUGE head start in life and train them on HOW to love, how to live at peace and how to be kind starting right in our own families.

Psalm 127:3b-5

Children are a heritage from the LORD,

offspring a reward from him.

 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior

are children born in one’s youth.

 Blessed is the man

whose quiver is full of them.

Our kids should be a blessing to us, their brothers and sisters and then to the world.  We shouldn't be holding our breath until they grow up to see if they become people of character.  Instead, we should be able to shoot them out of our homes into the world, like a warrior shoots an arrow!  When they leave our homes they should be ready to cause DAMAGE to the kingdom of darkness.
 

Psalm 127:1

 Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain.

Deuteronomy 6:6-8

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.

 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home

and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads

Beloved, we truly need the Lord to build our houses for us. In His Word He has clearly told us how.  What we say we believe on Sunday with our hands up in the air, needs to be walked out on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday....  It needs to be a part of our lives from sun up and sun down.  And guess what, applying the Truth of God's Word into our lives, including how we raise our children should, can and will make them different.  So as the title of the post says, "What are you feeding your children?"  Are you feeding them the principles and expectations that this world has to offer or are you feeding them God's way?   As Christians, our families should be DIFFERENT, our children should be DIFFERENT.  The difference should be good, it should be noticeable and when people begin to ask why, we can say with confidence that it is because we are feeding them God's way.

For all my thoughts on parenting click here or for specific issues see the following titles:
Training Children: more of my thoughts on what it means to train our children.
The Fruit of the Spirit: Gentleness: Is gentleness one of the attributes you possess in your parenting style?
Be Referees: If you are having trouble working with your spouse when it comes to parenting.
Lessons from my Children 1: Valuing Relationships & Lessons from My Children 2: Why we have relationship: Sibling Rivalry?  Here are some thoughts about it.




In Christ,

A glimpse of my parenting perspective

As I have walked through life I have met a lot of people that have pain from their childhoods.  For a variety of reasons, whether traumatic or not, things happened in their youth which they have carried with them into their adulthood.  Often times their parenting styles take on nuances designed to prevent the same type of pain from occurring in their own children's lives.  The goal for them becomes creating a world where their children will be pain free.  While I, myself, have tried this and see the good aspects to it there can also be negative aspects to it as well. This style of parenting is primarily fear-motivated and ends up ignoring the role of the enemy in our lives, how to effectively fight him and how to receive healing from inevitable pain.  Also, this style of parenting can cause parents to be frustrated with themselves and feel like failures because they eventually do fall into the very patterns they are trying to avoid.  The past 8 years of my Christianity I have spent a lot of time allowing God to heal a variety of wounds in my heart.  As I have done that, I have learned more about God's heart toward me and about the enemy's strategies.  I feel like this part of my journey has also changed the way I feel about parenting.

Instead of having "avoiding pain" as our parenting goal, our goal as parents should be to train our children to see Jesus and to know how to access His TRUTH to find healing from pain. My children are still relatively young so in our lives this often translates to ending time-outs in prayer. I have learned in my own life that I cannot do the things I want or need to do without the help of Jesus and that I need to ask for His help. I've also learned that He is more than GENEROUS in providing help in my time of need. My children and I often come into His presence and learn how to rely on Him to move on from our places of need.


Formerly, I thought my goal was to be "Jesus" to my kids; that by looking through me and my life they would then be able to see God.  While the intent of my heart was good, the results were not.  This perspective often caused me to fall into anger and frustration at myself when I failed because I was not able to provide a perfect picture of God.  But God showed me one day that I don't need to be perfect, He had already provided the perfect mediator and that I kept getting in the way.  The following is what I have been learning since that day and applying in my own life.  I am not perfect.  If my children look through me first to see God there will ALWAYS be imperfection in the way and it will blur their picture of God.  How often have you heard people say they cannot understand the Father heart of God because they had an imperfect father here on earth?  The problem comes in because we are translating God first through our human perspective.  This model of parenting goes: 

Kids (see) Parents (then see) God. 

The result of this sytle of parenting is a skewed perspective of God. 

I truly believe our goal instead is to direct our children to see Jesus and see Jesus first:

Kids (see) Jesus (see) God. 

Where are we in all of this.  We are NEXT to our kids looking at Jesus. 

Hebrews 12:2a

Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

We do not need to be the stepping stone to God for our children.  He is more than able to meet them directly.  Instead, we need to teach and train our children to see Jesus and to see the world as Jesus sees it.

How does Jesus see the world? "He (the enemy) has come to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10a)."  But Jesus also says, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to abundance (John 10:10b)."  Your children WILL have pain in this life because the enemy still exists.  If your goal as a parent is to help them avoid pain at all costs then you will end up being very frustrated because it is an impossible goal. 

What does this style of parenting look like? For me it has been:

1. Being vulnerable with God and allowing Him to heal my heart in many areas. 
2. To learn what spiritual warfare looks like and learning how to fight it. 
3. To take these lessons and principles I've learned and apply them practically with my children.
4. Letting go of the concept of trying to raise children who will never experience pain.
5. My goal instead is to raise warriors who recognize how to fight and when the pain does come, even from me, that they know who and where they can ALWAYS go to find safety and healing.

God has not asked us to be perfect parents.  He has asked us to point the way to Him, the perfect FATHER.  For me the safest place to do this from has been next to my kids, down on my knees instead of standing between Him and them.

(As a bonus: If the pain from your childhood has skewed your perspective of God, take the source of the pain out of the way and put the cross between you and them.  They weren't meant to be there in the first place.  The best step to find healing in that instance is to have YOU then THE CROSS and then the source of pain).

In Christ,

Lessons from my children Part 5: Traveling the way of love

A couple years ago, I did a series on Lessons from my children.  The series covered things I was learning while working through issues with my children. My kids are entering a new stage and as a result we are trying to work through some new kinks.  So I thought I would add onto the series and share our latest lesson.

I've shared before that my children have opposite personalities - every day that passes accentuates it more and more.  As my son, James the oldest, is getting older he is starting to get very frustrated with his sister.  My son is a straight-forward, no-nonsense kind of guy.  He knows how to laugh but he can also be very serious.  His sister Mercea, on the other hand, is a huge practical joker.  She loves to be silly, all the time, and she is the more aggressive personality, therefore she enjoys pushing his buttons.  So what has been coming out of his mouth alot is an exasperated voice stating, "My sister is so annoying!" "Why does she ALWAYS have to be like that!"

The other day, these words came out again so I thought it was time to deal with it.  When I feel like there is an issue I need to work through with my kids I send them to the bottom of the stairs.  They have to sit there quietly and wait until I'm ready:)!

On this particular day, the Holy Spirit reminded me that just two days before we had read Ephesians 4 together as a family and here was an opportunity for me to pull that out and show them how God's Word interacts with their everyday life:

Ephesains 4:1-7, 15, 24-29

In light of all this, here’s what I want you to do. While I’m locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don’t want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don’t want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.

4-6 You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness.

7 But that doesn’t mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift.

We stopped here and talked about how we are each different - God has given James one personality and Mercea another personality.  But through our family, God is teaching us how to learn to love, cooperate and get along with others.  I stated how God is preparing both of them for marriage someday. They would someday marry someone who most likely will have a different personality. In fact, James might marry someone who had some of the same traits as his sister. God is giving them the time to learn how to love, how to compromise, how to be kind even when they didn't want to be kind. Do they want Mom and Dad to act like them whenever differences come up? We can have very different personalites but the way of love is learning to appreciate those differences, listen to those differences and learn how to walk together.

We talked about how these verses acknowledge that people do have differences but we need to work these differences out quickly.  What they do share in common is love for God and the fact that He is Our Father and we are His children.  So yes, we do look different and that is okay!  How then, does God want us to live?

God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.

Take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

25 What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.

26-27 Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.

29 Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

I love the practicality of Scripture.  I love that God doesn't leave us with, "Just don't do this, because it is wrong!" and therefore we get left with a weight that we can't carry.  But rather, He shows us a better way and invites us into it.  We see Christ, we know Christ and we learn that, yes, we have differences but there is a way to journey, with those differences intact, that leads to life.

As I walked away, I was overwhelmed with graditude to God for giving us a way to walk in as we manauver through this season of differences.  Also, for challenging me in my adult life to take these words to heart and let it effect how I deal with the people in my life that are different from me!  What a beautiful challenge to leave with - let each word be a gift! 

And this is where I like to rewind - this whole section started out with the words, "In light of all this..."

In light of what?

Ephesians 3:19-21

The extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.

20-21 God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

The extravagant dimensions of Christ' love is what makes this possible.  God can do anything... even teach us how to love our brother and sister and walk with them in grace and love.  How? By following his Spirit.

In Christ,

Lessons from my children: 1 Valuing Relationships

Have you ever been in the midst of teaching your children a life lesson and felt like God was holding up a big mirror in front of your face?   The words that were coming out of your mouth were flying right back at you like they are coming out of a megaphone?  Maybe you should be the one being talked to?  The next 3 blog posts will contain a snipet of the lessons that I am currently learning as I am simulatenously teaching them to my children.

Lesson 1: Valuing Relationships

Have you ever sat and listened to your kids fight?  It's not much fun to listen to, is it?  Often times their fights are well, pointless.  They often times are fighting about something that in our minds' eye is shall we say, infantile.

My kids, for the most part, are very good friends.  They enjoy each other's company and are kind to one another.  But in the past couple of weeks, they have started to pick at one another on a more consistent basis.  It is little, nitpicking back and forth and it not only gets under each others' skin it also gets under their mother's skin.

So the other day, I took them aside to have a little chat together.  During that chat, I said, that they need to work on valuing their relationship with one another more than they value getting their own way.  We talked about how Mommy and Daddy like different things, but because we like each other more than those things, we are willing to set aside our personal desires and take turns doing what the other person likes in order to make the other person happy.  Again why?  Because we value our relationships more than we value our personal desires.

Of course, as I was talking I felt more like I was listening to the Holy Spirit than talking out of my own wisdom.  And I began applying what I was saying to my own adult life.  I wondered to myself, how many times the Lord looks down at our adult fights and feels that the arguments are pointless.  That often times we are more interested in getting our own way and being right instead of valuing our relationships and making the changes necessary to show that the relationship is more important than getting my way done for the moment.

Galatians 5:13-15

You, my brothers, were called to be free.

But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature;

rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command:

"Love your neighbor as yourself." If you keep on biting and devouring each other,

watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

So I encourage you to take time to pause and consider what you are valuing right now in your relationships.  Are you taking the way of love and service to one another or are you choosing your way.  What is more valuable?

(Hint: The only things that are eternal are relationships.)

In Christ,

Lessons from my children: 2 Why we have relationship

You would think after my last talk with my children, they would stop picking on each other, right?:)   Not so. 

Lesson 2: Why do we have relationship?

I heard my son, James, yelling at his sister, Mercea the other day.  For the first time, it didn't seem like my daughter was actively participating in annoying him.  I asked him if he was being cranky with his sister or if they were just pretending (sometimes it is hard to tell) and he said he was cranky so I sent him to his room for a time out.  Then I called my daughter in to see if she was being an instigator and she said she wasn't.  After his timeout I had him come to me so we could talk.  I asked him what was wrong.  James said his sister was being silly.  Was she interfering with what you were building?  No.  Was she touching your stuff or getting in your way?  No, she was just being silly. 

I had to chuckle to myself when James said this.  In order for the rest of this post to make sense you need to know that  my son and daughter have 2 very different personalities.  James is the oldest and has a serious streak to his personality.  He pays great attention to detail and needs to do things the "right way."  Mercea, on the other hand, is very carefree.  We call her "Messy Missy" because she cannot make it through a meal without creating something, and it usually is a mess.  She is very artistic.  And silly, well that is one of her main character qualities.  Of course, it is obvious to see why these 2 different personalities could cause constant conflict, but it is also easy to see why these 2 personalities need each other.

So back to our conversation.

"So your sister was being herself, and that was bothering you?"  "Yes."

So we called Mercea in and we had a chat about the purpose of relationship.

If there was only seriousness and order everyday how would the colors of life shine through?  However, if there was only a carefree, messy life, how would anything productive be done?  We talked about how often my son enjoys his sister's silliness and how often it makes him laugh.  We also talked about the need to not always be silly all the time and how to be sensitive to what the other person is feeling.

We need relationships with others because they bring beauty and color to our life.  If we choose to let the times their personalities challenge ours and annoy us define who they are to us we will soon view them as  "annoying" and disassociate ourselves with them.  Then we are the ones who will lose.  So instead of cutting people out of our lives or trying to change their personalities we need to look at the many ways they enhance our lives.  And those few times (which we tend to exaggerate to be all the time) their personalities rub us the wrong way, we need to give them the grace to be themselves.

Relationships are challenging but they are worth fighting for.  Sometimes we need to evaluate what lies are beginning to dominate our relationships with others and challenge those lies.  As adults, we don't have our parents to sit us down and help us talk it through, but that doesn't mean that sometimes we don't need to give ourselves a timeout and work through why this relationship is becoming a problem.  If you have a relationship that is being defined more by conflict than peace I would encourage you to step aside with the Lord and allow Him to speak His truth over it. 

In Christ,

Lessons from my children 4: Doing something great

This morning my kids decided to make a picture together as a present for their Dad and I.  "Sshhh" at the time it was a secret.  I overheard them working together,

"I'll make the ears.  I'm good at making the ears." 

"Okay."  And then they were patiently taking turns with one another.

Wow, that puts a smile in a parent's heart.  As they were doing it, I was already thinking about how it will go in the memory box with a note that they came up with an idea to make something together and they pulled it off.  The beauty of the moment was shattered by high pitch screaming and crying by my daughter Mercea.  The intensity of the cry would make you think that she had sliced her finger off, but the cry was not due to an injury but rather it was from a disagreement about the color of the next body part.

The cry resulted in me sending them to their rooms for a "creativity break" and after a couple of minutes I sat and talked first to Mercea and then the two of them together.  The gist of the conversation was, that what will make this project special to Mommy and Daddy is the fact that they are doing it together.  The picture will be beautiful, but what will make it extra special is the fact that they did it together in love.  We talked about the need for compromise and cooperation.  They returned to their project and happily finished their grand surprise.

Many Christians want to do some "great" project for God.  Do you know what often gets in the way of doing something "great" for God?  People, especially those closest to us.  It is much easier to do a project then it is to love people.  I have tons of art pictures by my kids, they shoot them out at about 5-10 pieces a day.  Why then was I going to choose to treasure and store this particular picture?  Because they did it together, in love.  And I thought about God.  Throughout the course of a day, much more the course of human history, there are many people doing "things" in honor of God.  But in God's Word, He didn't command us to do 30 great things for Him over the course of the lifetime.  Yet that's what we so often strive after.  We as humans still tend to focus on outward projects.  We forget that He tells us that God does not look at the outward appearance, but He looks at the heart (I Samuel 16:7).

What did He ask us to do with our hearts?  He has asked us to love one another and yet this single command remains one of the hardest challenges of our lives.  Here is just a taste of the numerous requests:

John 13:34

A new command I give you: Love one another.

As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

Romans 13:8

Let no debt remain outstanding,

 except the continuing debt to love one another,

for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.

I Peter 1:22

Now that you have purified yourselves

by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers,

love one another deeply, from the heart.

I John 4:12

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another,

God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

If you want to do something great for God, love your sisters and brothers in Christ.  I know as a parent, there is nothing that excites my heart more than seeing my two children working together in love.  I believe that seeing us love one another brings joy to God's heart.

In Christ,

Lessons from my children: 10 Pennies

I've discussed this before but it remains true, my children have two very unique and different personalities.  My son is reaching the age where he is beginning to daily see these differences and annoyance is reaching high levels. Yesterday, there was another incident...  I spent awhile processing the problem and came up with an idea.

I handed him 10 pennies and told him to put them all in his right-hand pocket.  I then told him that every time he responded crankily to his sister he should take one penny out of his pocket and put it in his left-hand pocket. As he was doing that, I told him he could use that time to simply stop and pray.  The pennies were meant to be a physical reminder of a spiritual truth.

I brought up the fruit of the Holy Spirit and we talked through it.

"What is the fruit of the Holy Spirit?"
"Love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."
This entire list were the very things he needed as he learns to love his sister in this season.  These moments were opportunities to bring the reality of God into his daily life.  I admitted that I too, struggle in all these areas but that the Holy Spirit has promised that this is what His fruit would look like.  Instead of feeling defeated at these moments, we can instead look at them as opportunities for us to learn how to walk in the Spirit.

We then talked more closely about gentleness.  I shared with him my understanding of gentleness -  the recognition that you have the power to break, harm or destroy the object you are interacting with because it is precious, fragile and inferior in power compared to you.  Because of this you choose to restrain your power and instead use your power to protect it for its benefit.  His words have power to them and that by responding to his sister in gentleness, it was a choice to control that power.  We also discussed self-control, the fact that we all have initial responses to situations but it doesn't mean that is how we have to respond.  Self-control is taking the time to stop and think before we react.  We then prayed and I sent him off for the day.

Well, throughout the day, he came up and whispered in my ear - "Mom, you should probably move a penny over."  So by the end of day, I was informed I should have moved 3 pennies over and he - none!

In Christ,

Lessons from my children: 3 Letting Go

I currently am teaching Mercea how to play the piano.  The other day, she initiated practice and we went to play.  She was completely excited, sitting straight up, giddy, perfect attention!  I was excited too.  Then the phone rang.  I answered the phone, and Mercea went off to play while I took care of the phone call.  By the time I got off, Mercea had come up with a whole new idea of what she wanted to do.  I said, that we couldn't do it; the task would make a mess (surprise) and that we were going to resume playing piano.  She was none to happy about it.

She returned to the piano but her attitude was completely different.  She was slouched down, hair over her eyes, and lip sticking out.  Remember, 5 minutes earlier I had a perfectly happy, delighted little girl that wanted to play the piano?  Now, because of an event, completely unrelated to the piano, she no longer was in the place where she could participate in playing the piano.

The conversation I had on the phone between this transition was about the book Journey of Desire.  My co-leader was asking me if I had read the chapter yet called, "Letting Go."  I had not read it at that time.  However, after the conversation, I had a pretty good visual representation of the topic of that chapter.

Because, Mercea, was hanging on to her disappointment it was completely effecting the task she was supposed to be doing.  She was not able to participate wholeheartedly because she was still hanging on to the disappointment from not getting her way.  Even though the 2 events were completely unrelated it was still connected because of the way it was influencing her attitude. 

So yes, it was a right on visual for me.  I can completely relate.  Disappointment has become an underlying attitude for me.  I know the Lord has asked me to continue in some things, but I am only joining in half-hearted because I haven't and frankly don't want to let go of my disappointment.  Of course that chapter, in Journey of Desire, was about God bringing John to the realization that he needed to let go and God had another path for him to walk on.  But unlike I assumed, that God wanted me to suck it up and move on, it is becoming very clear that He wants to hear all about it and then He is inviting me to trust him.

So I want to share some quotes from the chapter "Letting Go" that shows the process that I am walking through:

• Being content is not pretending that everything is the way you wish it would be; it is not acting as though you have no wishes.  Rather, it is no longer being ruled by your desires (180).
• "I want to predict what the Lord is going to do, so that it doesn't hurt so bad when it happens." we grasp onto perfectionism to avoid pain and disappointment.  It only makes matters worse.  So what do we do?  How do we live with desire we cannot take care of and heartache we cannot prevent?  We groan and wait (Romans 8:22-25)  (184)
• To wait is to learn the spiritual grace of detachment, the freedom of desire.  Not the absence of desire, but desire at rest (185).
• The paradox of grief is that it is healing; it somehow restores our souls, when all the while we thought it would leave us in despair (188).
• The time has come for us to quit playing chess with God over our lives.  There are two kinds of losses in our lives, the kind that comes to everyone that we have no say in and chosen loss.  Chosen loss is when we give our lives to the only One who can truly keep them.  Spiritual surrender is not resignation.  It is not choosing to care no longer.  Nor is it Eastern mysticism, an attempt to get beyond the suffering of this life by going completely numb.  It is surrender with desire, in desire. (192-193)
• True surrender is not an easy out, calling it quits early in the game.  This kind of surrender comes only after the night of wrestling.  It comes only after we open our hearts to care deeply.  Then we choose to surrender, or give over our hearts, our deepest desires to God.  And with them we give our hearts, our deepest selves.  (194)

Thanks for reading where I am in process.

In Christ,

Homeschool Curriculum Review

It is spring!!!!!!!!!!!!  One of my favorite things about spring is that it is time to pick new curriculum for school (yes, I know I am weird).  Now I know most of you probably don't homeschool so you don't have to read this, BUT (DON"T STOP YET), if you know of someone who does homeschool you can pass this along to them.  I write this annual post because I love curriculum, I also love giving credit to the people who help make my homeschooling life a reality and  I also write it because occasionally I do have people who ask me about what I use and I can save myself time and just send them this. 
This past year's curriculum:

I consider Sonlight to be my core curriculum.  I love Sonlight because it is literature based, which means real books are the primary source of learning.  I also love it because it can be used to teach multi-aged children.  We used Grade 2 this year and we were able to do Bible, History, Read-alouds and Science together with my 5 year old and 7 year old.  Sonlight does a beautiful job of correlating the time periods so what you are studying in History, correlates with what you are reading in Bible and your read-alouds.  This bring a richness and depth to your understanding of History. You also study geography right alongside with what you are learning.  I think Sonlight also has an excellent way of dealing with History in a way that acknowledges both the sad and terrible things that have happened in History but also keeps a positive perspective to the reality of the good things that have happened in it.

Here is a little story from our read-aloud time this year.  I personally think the story is cute and shows how much our kids are processing what we are saying, even though we don't always realize it:

We were reading The Apprentice Core 2 and Arduino says "the sons of tailors want to be painters and the sons of painters chefs. I wonder what the sons of chefs would want to be?" My five year old interrupts me and says, "I know. They want to be horseman. Because Hans was a baker (in White Stallions of Lipizza) but wanted to be a horseman."  My daughter had used a book we had previously read, to answer a question in a book we were currently reading.

Sonlight for me means cuddling up on the couch with my kids in my arms reading, learning, crying and laughing together (and yes, I'm learning a ton, too).  It also, as the story above shows, includes lots of interruptions.  I literally can read only about 5 sentences without my kids stopping me to ask a question.  Sometimes it is frustrating, but often it reminds me that this is preciously why I homeschool, to allow my kids to process what they are learning, and process they do.  Finally, Sonlight has a 4-day schedule which allows us to homeschool with flexibility, which I love.

James uses the Sonlight readers for his reading.  Reading finally kicked in for him in high gear and he doesn't want to stop at the recommended stopping points.  We had to start going to the library to supplement his reading need and 5 chapter books lasted one week.  So, I am glad that next year, we went with the advanced readers which added about 9 thick books to his reading list.  Hopefully, this will keep him partially satisfied:)

Math:  Mercea started with Abeka math this year.  While she did learn with it, it was a struggle and very disappointing.  Abeka uses a circular learning method, which means a concept will be introduced and then they get back to it about a week later.  The concepts would totally escape her and by the time the math tests came along, it was often a total disaster!  Fortunately, we made it through the book early and moved on to Christian Light Publications math, which James has used the past two years.  We absolutely LOVE it and Mercea LOVES it and is doing fantastic with it.  Christian Light Math uses a mastery approach, which means only one new concept is introduced a day and the rest of the math time is spent reinforcing the concepts already learned.  They do an amazing job showing the variety of ways you can look at a number and they build upon their concepts in a very logical and orderly manner.  They are also very affordable.  I am 100% satisfied with this math program!!!!!!!!!!

Phonics:  For James, I continued to use Abeka's phonics book to reinforce what he had already learned.  He was able to do the workbook all by himself.  Mercea, is my artistic, creative, dramatic child and reading has been a struggle all year long.  She has great desire which often goes beyond her abilities and unfortunately a lot of reading periods ended in tears.  She also has an amazing ability to write things in mirror image (which means it is completely backwards and reversed, so if you hold it up to a mirror it would be written correctly).  I am college-trained to be a teacher by trade but my daughter was throwing me for some major loops!  Thankfully, the Lord intersected me with the book The Gift of Dyslexia: Why some of the smartest people can't learn to read and how to help them and this book gave me some keys to help Mercea.  While, I don't think she has full-fledged dyslexia she is a very visual learner and the book helped show me where gaps could be taking place and how to help her with the gaps.  It also helped give me more grace and patience while working with her.  She was too young to do the visual reorientation, recommended in the book, so we didn't try those methods.  We have stopped the Abeka phonics method with her and we  moved on to the Sonlight reading program.  Sonlight correlates writing and spelling with what the children are reading in their readers and she just LOVED this.  She loves to write, write, write, so this has allowed her to write what she is reading which in turn is helping her reading ability to improve.

English: We used Susan Wise Bauer's First Language Lessons for a Well-trained Mind for James' English class.  This is a classical learning method which includes directed lessons and verbal responses.  It worked really well for James (and I) in learning about the English language.  Mercea has been listening in and she is starting to chime in with answers so I think it will go well for her too.  As a result of using this program, I did take time to read A Well-Trained Mind.  While I don't feel the need to create a program for myself, I do think Sonlight, infuses the philosophies shared in this book and it helped give me an understanding to the whys behind what I am doing.

We purchased God's World magazine this year.  The kids enjoy it, especially the puzzles and games and it is a great way to keep up with current events from a godly perspective.

Finally, we ran across Homeschool Buyer's Co-op this year.  Homeschool Buyer's Co-op is a free homeschooling organization for both new and veteran homeschoolers. Co-op membership is free and confidential, and entitles homeschooling families to discounts from over a hundred educational suppliers. They also sponsor "Group Buys" for curriculum packages that save homerschooling families lots of money. On the site you'll find lots of free information, such as databases of free curriculum, field trips, and educational contests and scholarships. I recommend this as a way to receive curriculum at a discounted price. We purchased our God's World magazine subscription this year through them.  We also purchased Mark Kistler's 3-d Online drawing program through them.  This is a great drawing program which allows the kids to do art since their mom has no artistic ability.

Are you still with me?  As you can tell, I love homeschooling.  I thank God, usually daily, for the opportunity to be with my kids like this and I thank my wonderful husband for allowing me to be home to teach my kids.  If you ever have any questions about homeschooling feel free to contact me: forhisgloryalone@ymail.com.

Thanks for reading,




PS This post was written because I love homeschooling.  None of the companies I discussed in the post asked me to do a review.  All opinions expressed are mine and mine alone. I am entered into a drawing for an i-pad 2 though for my review of Homeschool Buying Co-op but I really do like them!

Homeschooling: Questions and Answers

Photo courtesy Melanie Guest Photography

It's the time of the year when, as a homeschooling Mom, I start getting excited about next school year!  I think it helps me to not get too overwhelmed trying to finish off this year.  Just this week I've had 3 people ask me about what curriculum I use; when that starts to happen on a regular basis I know it is time to write a post.  I know this post won't relate to all of my readers but at least finish this paragraph before you hit delete.  I've split the post up into parts so that you can read the parts that might relate to you.  The first part is "Common questions and answers about homeschooling."  Whether you home school or not, I would recommend reading this part because homeschooling seems to be on a growing trend and there still are some misunderstandings concerning homeschooling.  Chances are you will meet someone who home schools and it might give you a better understanding as to why and how they do it.  So here we go!

Common questions and answers about homeschooling
Several years ago I wrote a post, Why I home school and it provides a more in-depth post than I will write here.  Feel free to read it too if you want more information.

Do you believe homeschooling is for everyone?
I don't believe homeschooling is for every family.  I believe it is a personal decision that people should take seriously and only proceed in doing it if they feel that it is what they are supposed to do.  If you do decide to home school it is helpful to have a list of reasons why you are doing because there will be difficult times and if you don't know why you are homeschooling you will quit.

What about socialization?
This question is one of the most common questions I have been asked.  People believe that home schooled child(ren) have very little opportunities for socialization.  Our problem is quite the opposite.  We are blessed to be in a community that is very supportive of homeschooling and we have a plethora of options for socialization.  In fact, we have so many opportunities to socialize it is hard to balance and make sure we are actually doing school work.

What has been the biggest plus of your homeschooling experience?
One of the biggest blessings of our homeschooling experience has been watching the personalities of our kids grow and develop.  They are as unique as can be (as you will see when I start talking about curriculum) but have become each other's best friends.  It is a beautiful blessing to see your children be each other's best friends.

How long do you plan on homeschooling?
We take it one year at a time.  We love homeschooling and at this stage in our lives it is beneficial to our kids.  We never know where life is going to take us, or what will be our children's interests.  One of the primary reasons we home school is because we want our children to excel in who they are as children of God.  Right now I am able to provide the best environment for that to take place, but that may not always be the case. While I can "see" the reality of doing it all the way through, I don't feel the need to make a decision that is the way it has to be.

Is homeschooling hard?
There definitely are challenges to homeschooling but it does get easier as each year goes by.  I would say the first year or two of homeschooling is the hardest.  You often are second guessing yourself as you are learning about your kids' learning styles and your ability to teach them.  You are also learning how to balance doing grocery shopping, laundry and cleaning the house all while teaching children at different learning levels.  As time goes by, however, you and your kids will figure out a rhythm that works for your family life.  I think the most important key is to have a support system of other families to talk to and get advice from.

Our Core

Sonlight is our core curriculum.  We love it more and more each year.  It is a literature-based curriculum, which simply means there are a lot of books.  This year we studied the beginning of American History.  It was a very interesting study and we (and that includes me) learned a lot this year!  I thought Sonlight did a good job balancing the reality of the hard and sad things that have happened in American history while still capturing the excitement and the uniqueness of the development of America.  While we absolutely love the books Sonlight provides and the flexibilty of the 4-day schedule there are some aspects of their program we don't use. 

We don't use their English program.  It is too in-depth for me and there doesn't seem to be a flow that I am able to follow.  I also don't care for their organization of their curriculum guides.  While I've learned how to use it for us and our needs, it still remains a pain to do.  You get a humongous binder, and you have to sort and organize things each week.  Supposedly, they changed it up a bit this upcoming year - but we usually buy used so those changes won't trickle down to us for a few more years.  However, it is quite tempting to bite the bullet and buy it new if they truly have organized the curriculum guide better.  We are finishing part 1 of a 2 year unit on American History and we truly did love all the books we read this year, so for another year we will continue to use Sonlight as our core curriculum. 
Math
Sonlight does not include a math program.  A couple of years ago, I ran across Christian Light Publications and decided to try out their math program.  I ABSOLUTELY love it.  It is very cheap and it is very well-written.  They only introduce one new concept a day, and the concepts are reinforced over and over and over and over again until the students have it down.  It also builds on top of previous concepts so once the students have a firm foundation then they can easily add the next step.  Every day since first grade they have had a story problem, which I think is a great way for kid's to think about math in a real day to day understanding.  They also have speed drills everyday which helps the math facts become rote.  They deal with both the U.S. and the metric system of mathematics which I think helps the kids to be well-rounded. 

James did the 3rd grade math program this year.  It said in the beginning of the year, he should primarily be able to do it on his own and may need help from time to time.  This has truly been the case.  Every lesson starts out with a brief description he reads it, does a few sample problems and then moves on to the review of previously learned ideas.  I literally have only had to help him 3-5 times this entire year.  I think there is a lot to be said about a curriculum where a third grader can teach himself math.  I did buy the teacher's guide (because everything is so inexpensive) and I'm glad I did.  There have been a few times I've need to pull it out and check the answers because he is getting into stuff I'm not so clear on anymore.  Mercea is using the 1st grade program and enjoys it.  You definitely need the teacher's guide for first grade because there are a lot of teacher dictation moments and you won't know what to say without the book.

Each grade comes with 10 booklets.  Each booklet contains lessons, 2 quizzes and one tests.  The kids get so excited when they finish a booklet and get a new one.  It is a great way to keep them excited about their math program.

English
We are using two different English curriculum with the kids.

James is doing the 3rd grade Rod and Staff English program Beginning Wisely .  It started out with a unit on nouns, then there was a unit on verbs.  I think it does a thorough job explaining everything and then building upon concepts step by step.  It does have him diagramming sentences, which I don't remember how to do, so I've been learning right along with him.  It is just about the right amount of work for him, not too much not too little.  The one thing it is missing thus far is opportunities for creative writing.  I don't know if it is coming down the line, but if not, I will need to find a way to supplement it next year.

Mercea is using First Language Lessons for the Well-trained mind.  This is an easy oral, teacher-directed way of teaching language.  We used it with James and really enjoyed it.  It is going well, but we are taking it a little bit slower than we did with James because we are needing to reinforce concepts visually since she isn't primarily an oral learner.

Reading
James uses the advanced readers for the Sonlight core we use.  Sonlight usually provides two different reading levels.  He loves to read and is a fast reader so I was glad that they had an advanced reading list.  It challenges him enough that it takes him time to read, but it is not too overwhelming for him.

Mercea has been an interesting person to teach reading too.  We've actually been working on learning how to read for almost 2 years now.  We finally have down 3, 4 and 5 letter short-vowel sound words.  As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, my children are two completely different learning styles.  I've had to realize this and adjust, adjust and adjust again!  I no longer assume that what worked for James will work for Mercea, which is why you will probably always see different types of materials for a lot of our subjects. 

Our first year we tried Abeka phonics.  She was having heavy dyslexia issues last year so I took the time to read The Gift of Dyslexia.  I learned that dyslexia isn't diagnosed until third grade so it wasn't time to say she had dyslexia but I did learn some tips on how to teach her and maybe understand a little better on how she was viewing things.  He discouraged phonics for individuals with dyslexia which is why we dropped Abeka.  In the beginning of this year, we tried to use Sonlight's early reading program.  It started off fairly well but again began moving way too quickly for her.  So in December, when I was about to give up, All About Reading released their level 1 reading program.  I decided to buy it because it had a money back guarantee.  I knew that we would be starting from scratch again but that ended up being okay.  Mercea and I both enjoy the hands-on worksheets and games that accompany this reading program.  It also takes everything 1 step at a time, allows for reinforcement and then builds on previous concepts without skipping any steps.  For the most part it has been a smooth transition for us.  We've hit a few rough patches but All about Spelling allows you to e-mail them to ask questions and they get back to you right away!!!  This was very helpful for me and it helped keep me from losing my sanity.  So yes, homeschooling has its challenges and as a teacher I am in no way perfect but I am so thankful for the many different resources out there to help you through the bumps.

Spelling

We are using Spelling Power with James.  This is a spelling system which is supposed to last through 12th grade.  You don't have a spelling list each week.  The "simple explanation" of what you do instead is that you spend 5 minutes a day reading spelling words to your kids.  After they write each word, you spell it aloud for them.  If they get it wrong they immediately rewrite the word correctly.  You do that for a total of 5 minutes.  When the time is up they indepedently work through a ten-step method of reviewing and learning how to spell the incorrect words correctly.  The next day you start the 5 minute spelling time with the words they got wrong the day before and then add the new words.  Each list has a rule that goes with it, that the kids write down.  At the end of each section there is a list of review words from the whole past unit and a list with the most misspelled words in the English language.  This system works well with James' personality.  He as a natural spelling ability so we've moved through the book fairly quickly.

Mercea is using All About Spelling Level 1.  We started it at the beginning of the school year and we were around lesson 20 when we switched to their reading program.  We then put spelling on hold since it correlates with their reading program.  It has been easy to do spelling after reading and Mercea appears to be a good speller.  Again instead of having a weekly spelling list, they teach concepts and then you work on words that fall into those concepts.  I've incorporated the Spelling Power method with the words that we use for Mercea, but for now we will continue to use All About Spelling because the hands on aspect goes well with Mercea's learning style.

Science
Science has been my weak point thus far.  We try to tackle it once a week.  My daughter would love to do it everyday all day long, so I need to be more serious about finding something for next year.  In the meantime, we purchased Magic Tree House Chemistry Lab.  It had lots of hands on science projects and it came with many of the needed items and it uses common household items.  It has been fun.  We built a volcano, made slime, a bouncy ball and a milk rainbow so far.

As you can see, there is a lot to choose from when it comes to homeschooling.  I hope this gave you a little taste of why I home school and perhaps some new resources for you to look into.  It is a challenging but rewarding experience.  If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.  Feel free to pass this post on to others you know who are looking into homeschooling.

If you made it this far, thank you!  Here is a funny video about the myths of homeschooling.  Enjoy:



 
In Christ,

Review: Is the Bible Reliable?

I recently had the opportunity to review Focus on the Family's DVD series:
Is the Bible Reliable?  Here is the DVD's description: The Bible claims to be the direct revelation of our Creator. So if the biblical record is true, it is a primary means by which the God of the universe has revealed Himself to mankind. However, if it can be proved false, then the God of whom it speaks is simply one more pretender in the assembly of gods that man has created.



In Is the Bible Reliable? Dr. Stephen Meyer challenges you to examine the historical and archaeological evidence to determine for yourself the veracity and accuracy of biblical Scripture. Is the Bible true? You decide.

Includes two DVDs, each with five 30-minute lessons, and a 96-page, two-color discussion guide. Discussion guide also sold separately.



This series was excellently done.  The series is taught with a college classroom feel.  The students are watching a professor teach.  The teacher is passionate about what he is sharing about and he is not afraid to inform you of what the skeptics state and then take on those arguments with evidence.  He supports the reliability of the Bible (both OT and NT) from archaeological evidence and from secular scholars.  This series gives you confidence in the historical reliability of the Bible and erases that as an argument against believing in the Bible. It leaves you with the question that if the people and the places of the Bible are accurately described, then what do you do with what else it says?

This is an amazing resource that will remain in our home and definitely will become something I will have my children will watch as they grow older.  While it is directed towards students going off to  college, I think anyone of any age will receive a lot of encouragement and truth from watching it.

In Christ,


I receive this item free of charge from Tyndale Publishing.  I was not paid for my opinion.

Advent: HOPE

This week's Advent theme is HOPE.  

In light of this week's tragic news events the lessons I've been learning this week on this topic sit very relevant in my heart, mind and soul.

What does hope mean, in a world of darkness?

What is the purpose of the body of Christ in this age?

Should fear, rule and reign over our hearts?

My reflections on those questions are being answered for me by these thoughts:

• There is nothing new under the sun. 
• Christian Hope is not wishful thinking.
• Christ's Kingdom is not of this world. 
• We are representatives of His Kingdom here on earth.

 There is nothing new under the Sun

I've been reading, Seeking God, by Esther de Waal this week.  She was discussing how the Rule of St. Benedict was established during the age of the barbarians.  Barbarians from the north were raiding and destroying the known civilized world.  As I reflected on it, I recognized that terrorism is nothing new to the human story.  But neither is the seeking of God, by His people.

Christian Hope is Not Wishful Thinking

Our Lectionary readings at church this week covered the idea of Christ's Coming the second time:

Luke 21:25-36

 ²⁵ “There will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. ²⁶ People will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. ²⁷ At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. ²⁸ When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.”

My pastor reminded us that in the midst of the chaos of this world, we can lift up our heads in hope and confidence, because we do know the ending of this story.  REDEMPTION is what God is up to in this world.

Christ's Kingdom is NOT of this world 

This week, too, I reflected upon Christ before Pilate, answering the question - are you the King of the Jews?

Jesus' response, was that His Kingdom was not of this world.  Jesus was very much in the world and His life was definitely affected by the world, however, He was keenly aware that His story was not written by the world.

We are representatives of His Kingdom here on earth 

All these truths brought me back to the question, then what is our place in this world? Do we need to be given to fear? Because if you spend five minutes watching the news that is where you can easily be led.

Personally, this Advent season is leading me to a new reflection: of Christ returning as King.  I've never experienced Christmas reflecting on this, I've only reflected on it through the eyes of the first Christmas.  However, there is a sweetness to this season, reflecting on the fact that He will return again as King.

In light of all of this: 

Because there is nothing new under the sun, I am aware that terror exists in our world, but I also am aware that Christ is fully confident in the role of His Bride, the Church.  We have been invited to place our Hope (confidence) in Him and what He is up to in our lives.  We've also been invited to fully live in this world and have our lives fully affected by this world, but to also be confident that we are part of another Kingdom.  Finally, we've been invited to walk out His Kingdom, here on earth, in the midst of darkness.  To be the LIGHT in a dark world.

May we LOVE our enemies.

May we pray for those who PERSECUTE us and others.

May we LOVE our families and our children.

May we SERVE our neighbors.

Lastly, I feel this Psalm provides a fitting direction to direct our hearts, souls and minds in this season:

 Psalm 24

 The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it,
    the world, and all who live in it;
² for he founded it on the seas
    and established it on the waters.

 ³ Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?
    Who may stand in his holy place?
⁴ The one who has clean hands and a pure heart,
    who does not trust in an idol
    or swear by a false god.^[a]

⁵ They will receive blessing from the Lord
    and vindication from God their Savior.
⁶ Such is the generation of those who seek him,
    who seek your face, God of Jacob.^[b][c]

⁷ Lift up your heads, you gates;
    be lifted up, you ancient doors,
    that the King of glory may come in.
⁸ Who is this King of glory?
    The Lord strong and mighty,
    the Lord mighty in battle.
⁹ Lift up your heads, you gates;
    lift them up, you ancient doors,
    that the King of glory may come in.
¹⁰ Who is he, this King of glory?
    The Lord Almighty—
    he is the King of glory.

May we lift up our heads, our King is coming.  May His GLORY be reflected in our lives, even today.

Advent: Hope

In Christ,