Life has been stressful the last couple of months. My husband has had some health issues that we have yet to find the root cause. The next two weeks are full of busyness and as they've come closer I have found myself filled with dread. One of my friend's texted me the other day to check in on me and I was going to text her back that "I just want to close my eyes and fast-forward through the next two weeks." But as I went to write it, I felt a little check in my spirit and I was reminded of what the Lord has been teaching me over the last few weeks.
For the last month, my daily prayer time included the following verses:
Remember my affliction and my bitterness, •
the wormwood and the gall!
But this I call to mind, •
and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, •
his mercies never come to an end;
They are new every morning; •
great is your faithfulness.
‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, •
‘therefore I will hope in him.’
The Lord is good to those who wait for him, •
to the soul that seeks him.
It is good that we should wait quietly•
for the salvation of the Lord.
For the Lord will not reject for ever; •
though he causes grief, he will have compassion,
According to the abundance of his steadfast love; •
for he does not willingly afflict or grieve anyone.
Lamentations 1.12, 16a,b; 3.19, 21-26, 31-33
Reading and praying those verses everyday has been great preparation my heart and mind. As each day came it was tolerable and actually a lot of days were for the most part good - but no matter what they were all filled with grace. Grace of a handwritten note of love, emailed prayers and encouragement from friends, pulling out a freezer meal made by friend for a rainy day, texting my mom back and forth with notes of prayer requests, watching my daughter snuggle close to her dad, getting Starbucks dropped off just because... the list goes on and on.
So as I thought about these verses and these moments of grace - I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God's mercies are new every morning and that He had been faithful to me everyday. I also knew that it was safe for me to rest in His steadfast love. But yet there were many moments when I thought about the "possibilities of the future" that hopelessness would begin to settle into my heart and then it dawned on me:
When I reflected on the past and I lived in the present I could see the grace of God and just as He promised His grace was sufficient in my weakness. However, when I looked to the future it was bleak and it appeared too hard to walk through. The missing component of all my future fears was that God was still going to be present, able and loving no matter what happens. As I venture forward, I have heard the whisper of God that He is a safe place for me to put my hope in and He will be faithful to my family every step of the way. So I am leaving tomorrow in His hands and resting in the grace that He has provided for today.