4 Special Ladies

Happy 60th Birthday to my Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who is forever young in heart and spirit!

I love you!!!!

In celebration of my Mom's birthday, the e-book version of my book, A Bond of Blessing: Insights from the book of Ruth for Mothers-in-law and Daughters-in-law is free today 10/8/12 at Amazon.com. 

I'm also sharing my annual post, 4 Special Ladies, that I like to publish on this day.  Enjoy (with a box of Kleenex)!

 Exodus 20:5-6:

for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God,

punishing the children for the sin of the fathers

to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,

but showing love to a thousand {generations}

of those who love me and keep my commandments.

I personally have had a lot more blessing in my life from my generations than negative.  I would like to share pieces of the story's of 4 incredible women in my family heritage.

Special Lady One: My Grandma Bernadine

My Grandma had sparkly eyes, a strong spirit and a happy smile. She always looked old to me with lots of wrinkles on her face and white hair. She was the best. As I've learned more about her story, I appreciate so much more who she was and how she showed us the reality of God's love in the way she lived her life.

Grandma had 6 children, which the last 2 were twins! That in itself is a lot, but she raised all of her children primarily on her own, as her first husband was abusive and divorced her when the children were young. My Grandma raised 6 children as a single mother and she worked as a teacher. During one period of her life she worked an hour away from home so her work days were a minimum of 10 hours a day, plus 6 children to take care of by herself. But my Grandma knew who her God was and she served Him all the days of her life. She couldn't sing a note in tune, but she was in her church choir and faithfully attended church. My Grandma was a prayer warrior and I know she prayed for each of us by name, and I know I am still receiving the blessings from her prayers.

To give you an idea of the strength of my Grandma, she died of lung cancer 2 and a half weeks after being diagnosed because she didn't go to the doctor for being sick. The only reason we found out she had cancer was because she visited us for Thanksgiving and when my mom heard the way she was breathing she took her to the doctor. I remember visiting her in the hospital a week and a half before she died and she wanted to prove to the doctor she was strong enough to go home. She literally jumped out of bed (at age 85, and only about 4 feet 10 inches) and was pushing on the doctors hand to show her strength. During that visit she talked about how she was teaching Hebrews to her Bible study and had been studying the Matthew Henry Concordance in preparation.  She plopped open the huge concordance on her bed! Finally, the last time I would see her concious, she sang to me: "He's still working on me, to make me what He wants me to be..." She was an amazing, strong Christian woman and I feel very humbled and blessed to have her in my family line.

Special Lady Number 2: Aunt Ethel
Aunt Ethel was my Grandma Bernadine's sister. She died at the ripe old age of 100 just days after her 100th birthday. She too was an incredible woman of God whose eyes shined of a daughter who knew who she was even after all she had been through. Now I can't find my fact sheet so I might be a little off on numbers  but my great-aunt had an incredibly hard life.

She was married on her 18th birthday because her father wouldn't let her get married a day before that and she didn't want to wait until a day after that! She had a beautiful first son and everything was fine. But after that tragedy began to strike. My great aunt was RH-negative before the doctors knew what RH-negative was. As a result, she subsequently lost 9 children shortly after childbirth. Only one of her other children, Jane survived but she was mentally handicapped. Aunt Ethel once told me how she tried drinking horse's urine during one of her pregnancies because she was told that would help her baby live. During her last pregnancy, they were starting to figure out RH-negative but the babies (twins) were not given the help they needed in time. My great aunt lived through the death of all those babies, and then Jane died of cancer in her 40's, then her husband died and finally she also endured the death of my Grandma (her baby sister by 11 years). However, you would never know she had been through all that if you met her.  Whenever I would see her, she would always have a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. She lived many days on earth and lost so much but she lived with a confidence that was so evident that she knew who she belonged to and where she was going.

Special Lady Number 3: My Mom (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!):
My mom too went through a lot. She grew up in a broken home and had a mom that had to be gone more than present just to keep the family afloat. She married her high school sweetheart right out of high school and proceeded to have 3 children over the next 7 years. She was pregnant with me (the 3rd child) and going to law school when she received a call that my biological father had been killed in a motorcycle accident. This was on August 7, 1978 a month and a day before I was born. She too ended up being a single mom, having 3 kids and finishing law school. She has lost much during her life but she has also given much and loved much.

She is a wonderful Mom and an incredible Grandma.  As I watch my daughter grow, she reminds me more and more of my Mom.  I know her life hasn't always been easy but the grace and love of God has taught her how to love.  She is my mom and I know I can always call her for prayer support and she will pray. She grows more and more beautiful to me as each day goes by. I love you Mom. Happy Birthday!

Special Lady Number 4: My Cousin

And the history of my family line continues to unfold.  Even as I write, the reality of God and our ability to experience Him in the midst of real life, suffering, hardship, excitement and joy is being lived out in my cousin Amanda's life.

I originally wrote this post on 10/08/09 and literally while I was writing it, another story was unfolding in my family heritage. On this date (09), my sweet cousin Amanda was having a routine 20-week ultrasound. During that ultrasound she found out that her unborn daughter, Layla Rae, had Potter's syndrome and if she survived in the womb, her life outside of the womb would be extremely short. I heard the news hours after I originally wrote this post and I literally lost it (Layla Rae's diagnosis and birth date lined up month wise exactly with Nevaeh Rae's diagnosis and birth date; for me it felt like I was literally walking through the story again. Thank God for good friends, my friend Correna came and prayed with me for a couple hours that day). Over the past  three years I have watched my cousin walk humbly, honestly and confidently before the Lord. She has been a complete inspiration to my soul.

Layla Rae was born January 6, 2010 and lived a very short while being loved by her family:

The story continues on, my cousin is due this very month (October) with her precious second child.  She is anxiously counting the days left (17 days from today she is due).  We joyously await the coming of the newest one to our family line and we continue to rejoice at God's faithfulness and love to our entire family line, for generations to come:

My Cousin Amanda!

As, I look at my godly heritage I know that I am blessed.  Each of these incredible women, move me, inspire me and bring tears to my eyes.  I love and thank God for each one of them.
In Christ,

Taking back life

I have walked around before with a disconnect about being in LIFE right now. I have experienced death, and it stung - stung badly. I have struggled before the Lord with the verse:

I Corinthians 15:55

"Where oh death is thy victory, where oh death is thy sting?"

These words rather than producing comfort, produced a frustration within my spirit. After the death of Nevaeh, my world went spinning out of control in many ways. For about 6 months, I would wake up every night in panic and fear. I would replay the entire day of her death over and over again in my mind. Then during the day, I would worry about every little and big thing my kids were doing. If my kids weren't up at their usual time I would wonder if I would walk into their room in the morning and they would be dead.  The fear of death had begun to take over my life. 


I remember the exact night the Lord freed me from walking in this terror. That night as I was replaying playing her death over and over again in my mind I realized that I was trying to change the ending of her story. I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I played it one more time, she would wake up. On that night, the Lord showed me that ending was the end - of that chapter - but it was not the end of her story. The Lord took me another step further through a conversation I had with my mom. She said, "So many people live their lives like they are never going to die, instead of living with the understanding that their life on earth is going to end." After these events, I was released from the fear of death that had been dominating my life. I also surrendered the life of my children into Jesus' hands, the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). Trusting in Him and the story He is writing has allowed me to release the "control" I thought I needed to have to avoid death.

In the last several months, the Lord has been taking me farther, challenging me to see that another reason I do not need to be afraid is because eternal life is now.  For the last month I've been reflecting on the following quote by Todd Hunter:  "Most of my life we've asked this question, "If you died tonight, do you know where you would go?" But I think this is a way more interesting question, "What if you knew you were going to live tomorrow, next week and next year, and decades longer - what would you do with your life?"

Whenever I hear a new perspective I don't immediately jump on it.  I have to take time to let it sit and test it against Scripture.  The following are Scriptures that the Holy Spirit has brought to my mind as I've reflected on this quote:

• John 10:10 I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
• John 11:25 Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies.
• I Peter 1:23 For you have been born again, but not to a life that will quickly end. Your new life will last forever because it comes from the eternal, living word of God.
• I Peter 2:4-5 As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ
• Galatians 5:16, 22-25 So I say, Live by the Spirit! The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

We have been invited to - life - here, today, right now.  Obviously, heaven will be the culmination of our hope and there will be great joy in seeing Jesus face to face; but I think, as these Scriptures show, we were invited to so much more. 

When we live according to God's word, we are living a life that will never spoil, perish or fade.  We are a living stone in a house that God is building.  The Good News contains the message that we have hope that our life right now, truly matters and it has a purpose.  How then do we live our lives in life?  By walking according to the Spirit.

I entitled this post "Taking back Life" because I believe that is what Jesus came to do.  He came to give us life, abundantly, and it starts now.  This concept has allowed me re look at verses like 

I Corinthians 15:55
"Where oh death is thy victory, where oh death is thy sting?"

or

Philippians 1:21

"For me to live is Christ, to die is gain."

 

Through these experiences and the thoughts about eternal life starting now, the Lord has helped me step back and see the bigger picture.  We have been given life, now today.  We are part of a bigger, grander picture, called God's kingdom.  As Christians, let us take back life, today and walk with the knowledge that we are His living stones.

Finally, I leave you with these quotes from Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, Letter 15 (I heard this quote in a sermon by Ellis Brust called Celebrity or Service 5/24/10 @ Holy Trinity Church):

The humans live in time but our Enemy destines them for eternity.  He therefore wants them to attend chiefly to two things - to eternity itself and to that point of time which they call the present.  For the present is the point at which time touches eternity.  Our business, as demons is to get them away from the eternal and the present.

It's far better to make them live in the future, all their passions point in that direction.  The thought about the future inflames hope and fear.  It is also unknown to them so that making them think about it will make them think of unrealities.  In a word, the future is of all things the least like eternity.  It is the most completely temporal part of time - for the past is froze and no longer flows and the present is all lit up with eternal rays.  Hence nearly all vices are rooted in the future.  Gratitude looks to the past, love to the present, fear, avarice, lust and ambition look ahead. 

In Christ,

 

2 years today

I have a terrible memory.  If you ask me what I did last weekend, I would probably stare at you with blank eyes and you would wonder if I was alright or if I was hiding some dark secret.  Honestly, the reason I have a blank stare is because I am in shock at myself; my mind is completely blank.  "Last weekend, Open this feed in your default podcast application

Note: If your podcast application does not automatically open the feed after clicking the link above, you can manually add the feed by copying and pasting the following address into the "New Feed" area of the software:

pcast://www.focusonthefamily.com/podcasts/family_radio.aspxlast weekend, what did we do last weekend?"  And I will rack brain trying to remember something to share.

However, if you ask me what I was doing the week before, on and the week after April 26th, 2009 I could give you tons of information of what I was thinking about, who I was talking to, what I was feeling, what I was singing and what God was saying to my heart.  Around 11:55am on Sunday, April 26, 2009 my precious niece Nevaeh Rae Wallace died in an ER while those closest to her stood around in absolute shock.  My life has been forever changed by getting the opportunity to love and be a part of this precious little girl's life.

I have learned from Nevaeh, that every life is significant and precious.  Time is short, so live life well and full of love especially for those closest to you.

Here is a video in memory of Nevaeh:

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=a621bedc2679ae6613fefe&skin_id=1901&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

In Christ,

Death in the light of the goodness of God

I wrote in my journal the other day,

What you believe about God, effects how you fight.

On Monday, April 26, 2010 it will be exactly one year since Nevaeh passed away. Her life was something that I fought for in the place of prayer for 19 months. Her death was not what I prayed for, believed for or fought for. This past year has given many moments to reflect and consider if what I believed about God was true. The temptation has often been to change what I believe about God in order to make sense of what happened to Nevaeh. But no matter how hard I try, I can't do that and I won't. Even though I now know the outcome of her life I wouldn't change one prayer that I prayed or one tear that I shed in asking for her life. She was worth the fight, and I fought the way I did because of what I believed and still believe about God.

I have heard many peoples' thoughts and conclusions, including my own, of what it means about God because she is gone. I often walk away completely frustrated because in ones' conclusion there is often a complete denial of another aspect/attribute of God. Last night I read something that for me brought together the conflict in my heart and mind to a place where I believe truth is accurately being represented. The following is from Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas; it is from a letter Bonhoeffer wrote to members of the Confessing Church as he announced yet another death of the pastoral community:

To be sure, God shall call you, and us, only at the hour that God has chosen.

Until that hour, which lies in God's hand alone, we shall all be protected even

in greatest danger; and from our gratitude for such protection ever new readiness surely arises for the final call.

Who can comprehend how those whom God takes so early are chosen? Does

not the early death of young Christians appear to us as if God were

plundering his own best instruments in a time in which they are most needed?

Yet the Lord makes no mistakes. Might God need our brothers for some

hidden service on our behalf in the heavenly world? We should put

an end to our human thoughts, which always wish to know more than they

can, and cling to that which is certain. Whomever God calls home is someone

God has loved. "For their souls were pleasing to the Lord, therefore he took them

quickly from the midst of wickedness" (Wisdom of Solomon 4).

We know, of course, that God and the devil are engaged in battle in the world and that the devil also has a say in death. In the face of death we cannot simply speak in some fatalistic way, "God wills it"; but we must juxtapose it with the other reality, "God does not will it." Death reveals that the world is not as it should be but that it stands in need of redemption. Christ alone is the conquering of death. Here the sharp antitheses between "God wills it" and "God does not will it" comes to head and also finds its resolution. God accedes to that which God does not will, and from now on death itself must serve God. From now on, the "God wills it" encompasses even the "God does not will it." God wills the conquering of death through the death of Jesus Christ. Only in the cross and Resurrection of Jesus Christ has death been drawn into God's power, and it must serve God's own aims. It is not some fatalistic surrender but rather a living faith in Jesus Christ, who died and rose for us, that is able to cope profoundly with death. (pg 383-384)

Amen,

Silence

I know I've been quieter on the blogging front lately. There have been several reasons but one of the main reasons is I was helping plan the 2nd Annual Carnival in celebration of my niece Nevaeh Rae Wallace's life. The event helped raise money for the Playroom of Hope (it is a brand new website, check it out!), a playroom being built in honor of Nevaeh's life at Wisconsin Children's Hospital. The playroom will provide a place for siblings to go and be kids while their brother/sister is being treated at the hospital. The event was held on Valentine's Day (Nevaeh's birthday) and it turned out to be an AMAZING event. We were hoping to raise between $7,000-$8,000 and we ended up raising over $12,0000!!!! We had an amazing response from companies and individuals donating items plus we had a ton of generous people show up.

Below is the video that was played during the event. It will give you a small picture of the amazing little girl Nevaeh Rae was on earth and a slight glimpse of the year and a half embedded into the fabric of my family's life forever:

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Sunday was truly a bittersweet day. It was sooooo busy that we barely had time to think much less mourn. But seeing Nevaeh on t-shirts, and my sister-in-law with a pink bow attached to her shirt provided a constant reminder as to who was missing that day. For me it also started the "countdown" to it really almost being a year since she was last here on earth. Her last party had been a very special day to everyone; at the time it had been a big sigh of relief and a celebration that she had made it through the "hardest" season of her life. This was suppossed to be the "honeymoon" period where she just got to be a little girl and we could all just enjoy her without worry. No one would have believed that just 2 short months later she would be gone.

So that helps explain why I've been silent lately. Thank you again for your support to our family during this difficult year.

In Christ,

Never the Same

nu=324:>56:>862>WSNRCG=3234637556<;

A sweet melody is missing from the symphony of life.

We keep waiting for your grand entrance into the music

but silence is all we hear.

Silence has never been so loud.

I miss your million dollar smile, the waving of your hand,

the sweetness of your spirit. All the things that made

you uniquely you.

We knew each moment with you was precious; that it

was a gift. We hardly knew how precious now

that you are gone.

You are forever a part of who we are.

Never will we be the same.

The Measure of Life

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ppdigital/2327029777/

Matthew 24:36

No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

Matthew 24:45-50

Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, 'My master is staying away a long time, and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

I found these passages of Scripture intriguing this week. First, I was struck by the fact that no one knows the hour, not even the Son. Have you ever really thought about this? I've read this before but it didn't effect my perspective of heaven. As I was contrasting this Scripture to what I thought about heaven I realized that I thought heaven had a big clock ticking down: 200 years, 12 hours, 13 minutes and 10 seconds. Everyone in heaven was tapping their toes waiting for the end to come. But they are not. Jesus and the angels are in the same boat as us ~ they know what Revelation says, they see what we are doing here on earth and they are cheering us on and fighting alongside of us as we wait in eager expectation for the fullness of the Father's heart to be revealed.

So what are we supposed to be doing while we wait for Jesus' return? Relationship is one of the key things we should be pursuing. In Jesus' parable He says the wicked servant began beating his fellow servants. This is what grieved His heart. Jesus didn't emphasize that they had let their business slide, or they lost thousands of dollars rather He focused in on the way they were treating one another.

I know you've heard me talk about relationships before, but I really think we need to get this. The Bible commands us to "Love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and to love one another." This is the point of life and the sooner we "get it" the better!

Nevaeh truly slipped away from us quickly ~ even with her health issues it was on no ones' radar that she was leaving us that soon. Her leaving has truly brought a "gentleness" into our home that has never been here before. It is hard to be be impatient and harsh with someone when you are reminded that it is just a privilege to even have one another. Death gives you an appreciation for life and it makes you realize the value of each breath that you take. It truly is a gift ~ what are you doing with it?

Psalm 90:12 "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

This verse has been a motto for my life since a young age. My biological father died a month before I was even born so I've always grown up with the understanding that life is short and could end at any moment. As a result, I try to live my life from the perspective that my days are numbered and today could potentially be my last. So at the end of most nights I ask myself if I could die tonight without any regrets. If my kids, my husband and my friends woke up in the morning and I was gone what would their last memories of me be? Would it be laughing, loving and enjoying life or would it be crabby, yelling and arguing? I love the days when I can say, this was a "perfect day," I could go today.

I don't know when my last days, hours or minutes will be. I don't know if I will be going home in the rapture or if the Lord will take me a different way. But what I do know is that life is short, but a breath and what the Lord asks of us is that we love Him and love one another. That is what measures life.

And so...

And so I've been thinking all day of what I would want to write on here today. Death does do things to you; good and bad I suppose.

This morning in my quiet time the Lord took me back to Job (I've been reading it slowly over the last couple of months). I have never really understood Job because to me half the book is listening to people talk about what they think. As I read it, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what they have to say but then we find out in the end that the Lord wasn't pleased with what they had to say. Obviously, since I blog I have lots of opinions on matters and Job reminded me this morning that sometimes it is best to be quiet!

Nevaeh passed away on Sunday and we were sitting in church when we got the news that something was very wrong. The pastor had just finished preaching a sermon on The Sovereignty of God; if anything could prepare you for the worst, I guess that was the closest thing possible. He had ended the sermon with

Deuteronomy 29:29:

“The secret things belong to the Lord our God,

but the things revealed belong to us

and to our sons forever, that we may

observe all the words of this law."

I guess this is where I want to land during this season. I like answers, I like to understand why, I want explanations but unless the Lord reveals it to us it will remain a secret on this side of heaven. As the pastor said during Nevaeh's funeral , "there are no words" ~ and that is okay.

I talked to one of Jamie's close friends who has lost a child and a husband and I asked her, "What does Jamie need right now?" She said Jamie just needs to be loved. That truly is what I want to do during the next years as she processes the loss of her precious daughter.

James 4:6

God opposes the proud

but gives grace to the

humble.

Our family needs the grace of God during this difficult season. I pray that humility will be the banner on all of our hearts as we grieve.

...........................................................................

The primary comment for me at the funeral was, "This must be hard because you spear-headed prayer on behalf of Nevaeh for healing."

So now I'm crying. I thought I had landed somewhere, but I guess I haven't.

But it does take me back to one of my first posts The Rockets Red Glare and my prayer and hope still lies in there. At the time I wrote it, I didn't think Nevaeh would be one of our losses, but I guess she was.

Do I regret fighting? No. I am glad that I did everything I knew how to do in regards to prayer.

And so, that's where I am at,

PS My brother-in-law Matt is planning on blogging for the next 52 weeks as he processes the passing of Nevaeh. If you would like to read her story or follow the process of healing the family will be going through you can visit: http://caringbridge.org/visit/nevaehw . Thanks

Thank you

As you may have heard, my beautiful niece

Nevaeh Rae Wallace

went home to be with the Lord

4/26/09.

Nevaeh was born on February 14, 2008. She was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome and underwent two open heart surgeries during her short life.

If you saw her you never would have known it. What you would have seen was a smile that would light up any room and her big beautiful bows. She will be deeply missed by many especially her Mom, Dad, 2 brothers and 1 sister.

Her obituary can be viewed at:

http://www.gundersonfh.com/content/obituaries/view.jsp?OID=47279

If you participated at anytime during her journey through prayer: THANK YOU! Our family continues to desire and need the prayers of each one of you.

In Christ,

Note: Many people have come across my site by searching for Nevaeh's name. If you see my side bar you can read 4 more postings relating to Nevaeh. In addtion, her story is documented on her caringbridge site: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/nevaehw . Her Dad is journaling every Sunday for the next year about their process of healing. Thank you for stopping by and caring.