Journey to understand Grace Part 1: My journey

I became a Christian at 7 years old.  I still clearly remember the day I was baptized, one day before my 8th birthday.  I remember my Dad sitting me down later and showing me my first one year Bible and telling me to read it everyday, and ever since that day I have done pretty much that. 

When you are 8 years old you are also first learning mathematics, mostly as rote.  2+2=4, 3+3=6.   You memorize it and you can spit out the answer.  My journey to understand grace started out pretty much the same way.  What is grace?  Unmerited Favor.  What does that mean?  God loves me even though I don't deserve it.  Rote.  I can spit out the answer in 3 seconds or less, but it didn't really mean anything to my heart.

Fast forward 11 years.  I began going to a church called Mad City Church.  My pastor, Shane Holden, a rebel saved by grace preached with a "one string guitar of Grace" as he liked to call it.  This string he plucked week after week truly did sing something to my heart.   God loves me even in my weakness, for real!  It took off years of guilt and never thinking I did enough to please God, years of thinking that He was always mad at me.  It opened wide the door to freedom in Christ.

However, a chasm still remained in my understanding of grace.  In my youth, I could tell you what grace was but I didn't live in it.  In my 20's I could live out of grace and feel its transforming effects in my life, but I couldn't explain it.  In my years as a Christian, I have seen two extremes in regards to grace. Extreme 1: Grace is a dangerous thing, it gives people a license to sin and therefore we should be quiet about it. This extreme is a complete reaction to the second extreme that states grace is a license, I can do whatever I want and sin does not matter any more because I am free by the grace of God. This extreme wears their sin proudly like a badge of honor on their chest.  They are providing an opportunity for God to pour on a little more grace...

In my journey of grace, I personally have been pulled to both extremes, seeing the hearts of so many Christians whose lives have been shattered by blatant sin done under the covers of "grace" makes me want to hide grace, too.  But experiencing the freedom of grace in my own personal life, I knew it had to be more than I understood; it is too good to be hidden.  So knowing the truth of God's word in regards to sin and knowing and living in the beauty and freedom of grace, I knew that there was a way they are connected but I couldn't explain how.  Then 7 months ago, I heard a sermon that has been an "Ah, ha" moment for me ever since (Applied Grace 11/1/09 by Sam Dharam).  The words that he said on that day, registered with my heart and have settled some things and opened doors to many other things.  So I've been thinking about this concept of grace for 7 months and observing, contemplating and wondering if this is too good to be true:)

This post is Part 1 of a 5 part series.  It has truly been a journey to understand grace and that is what describes it best (sorry to Amber and her blog Journey of Grace:) it's just such a good description that I had to borrow it.  The purpose of this series Journey to Understand Grace will simply be me sharing my thoughts, observations and things that I have thought about during the last 7 months (or perhaps 22 years).  I am not a theologian by any means, I'm just a wife and a mother trying to walk out this thing called Christianity the best that I can and thus I will be sharing what I'm in the process of learning and living.

In Christ,

Whose Truth?

I was chatting with a friend the other day and she said, "God is supposed to be all loving and all kind.  If that is who He is, I don't understand why such and such happens."  As we talked, I had to stop her and point out that one of the main problems was contained exactly in what she said, "God is supposed  to be..., IF that is who He is..."

Her statement brought up the question, "whose truth are we going to believe and live by?"  Do we live by our reality and our assessment of what is taking place or will we choose to let the TRUTH of God be our main foundation?

As I've thought about our conversation further I've come up with 2 of the reasons why we allow our truth to supercede His truth:

One reason is because we have drawn wrong conclusions about what God's character means and thus when we face a trying circumstance we doubt God is who He says He is rather than doubting our conclusions. 

As I've walked through this season of suffering I have come to realize that in general the church in America has very little teaching to support people who are walking in a place of suffering.  Rather the overwhelming feeling people walk away with is, "the people suffering aren't living in the fullness of God and that is why they are going through a time of suffering."  The result of this conclusion, is that in the time when people need God the most they actually, with the help of the church, feel He is as far away as possible.  However, as I have read the Bible it is very clear that God is in exactly the opposite position that people conclude:

Psalm 34:18

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

He also is an ever-present help in time of trouble (not instead of trouble).

Psalm 46:1-3

He always helps in times of trouble. 

So we will not be afraid even if the earth shakes,

or the mountains fall into the sea,

even if the oceans roar and foam,
or the mountains shake at the raging sea.

We all love the Psalms and when we think of David's life we often view him when he was at the pinnacle of his life, often forgetting the many years where he had to run away from his enemies.  However, if you study the Psalms and the life of David you will see that many were written in the very times when he was at his lowest and his circumstances didn't line up with his understanding of who God IS.  In those times, David chose to declare "This is WHO you are God" even though his circumstances weren't lining up perfectly for him.

A second reason we choose our truth over His truth is because we want God to move on OUR terms not His.

When we come into a conflicting situation instead of standing upon His truth and walking through it His way, we spend our time arguing with God, "Prove to me that you are who you say you are because I'm not seeing it.  I'm not going to do another thing until I see you move."  While God in His kindness allows us to ask these questions we often don't get the results we are looking for.  Instead, we end up being very frustrated with Him.  What we can and should do instead is say, "Lord this IS who you are, my present circumstances are causing me to be confused, misunderstand and doubt that aspect of your character.  Help me to walk in the reality of who You are in THIS situation."

Psalm 46:10-11

God says, "Be quiet and know that I am God.

I will be praised in all the nations;

I will be praised throughout the earth."

The Lord All-Powerful is with us;

the God of Jacob is our defender.

We all have situations and circumstances in our life which cause us to question who God is.  The purpose of this post is not to condemn the asking of the question, rather it is to help us to take the next step when we are faced with a time of conflict.

My question to you is, "What do you do in those times?  Do you let the "truth" of your circumstances define who God is for you? Or do you declare His TRUTH and let His truth change your understanding of your circumstances?"  I personally have seen that despite my circumstances, (whether good or bad) I experience a greater reality of His presence, peace and joy in my life when I allow HIS TRUTH to trump mine.

The Limits of His Love

Barred Spiral Galaxy NGC-6217

As we all know, we live in a microwave  society.  We want things taken care of as quickly as possible.  We often apply this same philosophy to our understanding of how God feels about  us and our problems.  We feel like God has set a time limit on His mercy, grace and love for us.  We need to hurry and get our act together before His time limit runs out.  It goes something like this: 

 You are going through a difficult time, there is grace but only for a season. 

 It has been one month.  Are you getting any better? 

No, not yet. 

Alright, you have 6 months left and then you are on your own...

 Is that true?  What exactly is God's time limit?

Psalm 106:3

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;

his love endures forever.

Forever.  Really?  We have no grasp of understanding for this.

Jeremiah 31:37

This is what the Lord says:

"Only if people can measure the sky above

and learn the secrets of the earth below,

will I reject all the descendants of Israel

because of what they have done," says the Lord.

Good news for us, here is what scientists today still say about the universe: "How indeed, do we measure something that many believe to be infinite?" (from "How to measure the universe?")

So let us change the way we think about God and His love.  Stop applying limits to the depths of His love.   He has gone to great lengths to prove it with His infinite universe and He has declared it through His word: His love ENDURES forever.  The word endure implies withstanding, holding firm, not wearing out, or giving up.  In our lives, especially in times of pain, we as humans want to do the exact opposite.  We want to give up and throw in the towel.  Instead, we need to learn to lean on the arms of Him whose love ENDURES Forever:

Isaiah 40:29-31

He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Finally, if for some reason, you did want to put limits on God's love the picture from above is from a galaxy 6 million light years away.  So you could start with that limit:)

In Christ,

Need a little direction?

I had the opportunity to visit my beautiful best friend Amber the other day.  She lives 2 hours away and we hadn't seen each other in ages.  I used my new Magellan GPS unit that replaced the one stolen months ago.  As I was driving I reflected on the amazement of GPS units.  There is a satellite in the sky that is communicating directly to my GPS unit telling me where to go; it knows where I am, where I'm going and when I'm going to get there.  In fact, this same satellite is communicating with lots of different GPS units, telling them where to go and getting them there.  None of those other GPS units were going to my location; we were all going our own separate ways.  The satellite is not confused or overwhelmed with the number of people asking it for direction and it gets them all to their correct location.  I find this absolutely amazing: man has managed to create an inanimate object that can give thousands of people directions at the same time and it does not get confused.

As I thought about this further (4 hours in the car, so I had lots of time to think:) I thought of how we experience this amazing invention and fully believe, know and use this unit without question.  Yet we have a hard time believing the Creator of the universe can actually care about every single human being on earth and that He is able to be involved in every individual's life giving them direction in their every day decisions.  Often we believe He is either too big, too busy or He doesn't care about me.  He probably cares about nations but He doesn't care about individuals.  One of the reasons we believe it can't be true is because we can't comprehend how He could do it.  Yet we have no problem taking a GPS unit (a man-made item) up on its offer to give us direction, even though I don't think any of us reading this blog could actually create or even explain in depth how a GPS unit technically works.  My point, the Creator of the universe has declared that He cares about YOU and He has declared that He is willing and able to give you direction in your life.  Do you take Him up on His offer?  Do you really truly believe it and seek after it?  Or do you let your inability to comprehend how He could care about you trump over His declarations that He does care for you?

Or perhaps you don't realize He has offered to guide and direct you.  Here are some verses that show His offer:

• Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you.
• Isaiah 30:20-21 Your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it.
• Exodus 15:13 In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed.
• John 16:13-14 When he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you.
• Isaiah 58:11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
• Psalm 25:8-9 Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.

My prayer is that you see the heart of our Great God and His desire to lead you and guide you, as an individual in your path of life.  He has asked us to cast our cares upon Him because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).  Take Him up on His offer.  He is willing and He is more than capable of doing what He has offered to do.

In Christ,

PS Remember my post on John Eldredge's marriage book Love and War?  My friend Amber is giving away a copy of it at her blog Journey of Grace.  Check out the details for a chance to win!

Book Review: The secret Holocaust Diaries

This weekend I finished the book the Secret Holocaust Diaries: The untold story of Nonna Bannister by Nonna Bannister with Denise George and Carolyn Tomlin.  Nonna was a young Russian girl who was born right before World War II and spent a good portion of her youth in Germany's labor camps.  Her story is very unique and full of tragedy.  She came from an aristocratic childhood and about the age of 5 life began to change in Russia.  She proceeded to lose literally everyone in her family from the age of 7 until 16.  Most of the story comes from her direct diary entries.  Nonna hid her diaries for her entire adult life and a couple of years before she died she allowed her husband to read them.  She told her family that after her death, they could share her story with the world; hence this book.

Because Nonna passed before the book was published and the editors never spoke to her in person there are a lot of gaps in the story.  In addition, Nonna had written the original diary in 4 different languages and then throughout her adult life she translated the diary into English.  Because of the unique way this diary was brought into being there isn't a smooth flow in the book.  You get a lot of bits and pieces throughout the book but by the end you understand the whole picture. 

Nonna experienced a lot of tragedy and honestly there were two parts in the book that I couldn't handle reading and I literally closed my eyes and turned the page.  Nonna quoted the philosopher Santayana in the book, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it! (pg. 255)"  It is absolutely heartbreaking to read the depth of evil that humanity can reach and the absolute disregard for the value of human life.  But it is also amazing that the power of love can carry one through an extremely difficult time.


Thanks,



I received this book as a complimentary book from Tyndale Publishing.  The opinions expressed are mine and mine alone.  In other words, I was not paid for it:)