This morning in my quiet time the Lord took me back to Job (I've been reading it slowly over the last couple of months). I have never really understood Job because to me half the book is listening to people talk about what they think. As I read it, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what they have to say but then we find out in the end that the Lord wasn't pleased with what they had to say. Obviously, since I blog I have lots of opinions on matters and Job reminded me this morning that sometimes it is best to be quiet!
Nevaeh passed away on Sunday and we were sitting in church when we got the news that something was very wrong. The pastor had just finished preaching a sermon on The Sovereignty of God; if anything could prepare you for the worst, I guess that was the closest thing possible. He had ended the sermon with
Deuteronomy 29:29:
“The secret things belong to the Lord our God,
but the things revealed belong to us
and to our sons forever, that we may
observe all the words of this law."
I guess this is where I want to land during this season. I like answers, I like to understand why, I want explanations but unless the Lord reveals it to us it will remain a secret on this side of heaven. As the pastor said during Nevaeh's funeral , "there are no words" ~ and that is okay.
I talked to one of Jamie's close friends who has lost a child and a husband and I asked her, "What does Jamie need right now?" She said Jamie just needs to be loved. That truly is what I want to do during the next years as she processes the loss of her precious daughter.
James 4:6
God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the
humble.
Our family needs the grace of God during this difficult season. I pray that humility will be the banner on all of our hearts as we grieve.
...........................................................................
The primary comment for me at the funeral was, "This must be hard because you spear-headed prayer on behalf of Nevaeh for healing."
So now I'm crying. I thought I had landed somewhere, but I guess I haven't.
But it does take me back to one of my first posts The Rockets Red Glare and my prayer and hope still lies in there. At the time I wrote it, I didn't think Nevaeh would be one of our losses, but I guess she was.
Do I regret fighting? No. I am glad that I did everything I knew how to do in regards to prayer.
And so, that's where I am at,
PS My brother-in-law Matt is planning on blogging for the next 52 weeks as he processes the passing of Nevaeh. If you would like to read her story or follow the process of healing the family will be going through you can visit: http://caringbridge.org/visit/nevaehw . Thanks
I found your information on another heart family's web page. I am so sorry for your loss. Words can not express the sympathy we have for your family. Your story has touched us so much. Nevaeh was so beautiful. I hope you don't mind, but I would like to post you in my blog so I can get many prayers sent your way in hopes that you can heal. Our son, Devin, was born with HLHS and he is now 18 mos old.
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers from our family to yours,
The Stuttlers
Tara, Alan, Craig & Devin
www.stuttlerfamily.weebly.com
Jaime, I really appreciate your honesty in this post. I know exactly where you are coming from.
ReplyDeleteJust know that God is still in control, and while, yes, we play a part. God ultimately knows. God knows what we need when we need it. I don't understand it all and I know that you don't either, but I just want you to know, now, looking back, I know that our discussions right before you went on vacation were in His plan, and I believe He had a message for you through it all (and it may not be the same message He gave me) but He wanted you to know that HE IS IN CONTROL!
I have so much more I want to say... but I'll leave it at this (for now) I love you.