Learning to Live with Myself Part 1: Roles

Four years ago, I attend a Women of Faith conference and saw a skit about the many hats that moms wear.  While this isn't the same exact sketch, it contains many of the same undertones:

Like the video above, I currently wear many hats and as a result I often feel I live a fragmented and contradictory life.  Sometimes, the hats that I wear stand in direct opposition to one another.  The part of the video that resonated with me the most was the transition from the wicked witch to the nun. Oh, that is the way that I feel sometimes.

I have been struggling to find a way to make all my hats fit on my head in a way that they do not interfere with one another.  But often times, by the end of the day, trying to do this leaves me defeated and confused.  Some of my roles I can really excel at while on the same exact day in the other roles I am a complete flop.  I haven't found a way to make these inconsistencies within my own self mesh together; to be 10 different things to 10 different people and in the end make everyone happy, including myself.  However, God's gentle Spirit has been undermining my goal of making all my hats fit and to find the ability to smoothly transition from one to the other.  Instead, He has challenged me to stop and start over from a whole different perspective.

I am currently reading through the book Living with Contradiction by Esther de Waal.  I am in the midst of working through the chapter, Learning to Live with Myself and it is really ministering to my heart.  For the next 3 posts, I want to look more closely at what I've been learning from Him as I work through these ideas.  I pray that the things that I am learning will also minister to your heart.

In Christ,



Image: Sunlight in Antarctica. Photograph. Encyclopædia Britannica ImageQuest. Web. 20 Mar 2015. 
http://quest.eb.com/search/119_1781894/1/119_1781894/cite

St. Patrick's Prayer

It has been one year since I've blogged.  A little over a year ago I got a full-time job and the busyness of life has not allowed me to blog.  However, the desire to blog hasn't left me and I've slowly been considering starting it back up.  So today seemed like a perfect day to dip my toes back into it.  It is nothing new, in fact it's actually my final post from last year - enjoy:


Prayer is a profound mystery that envelops deep truth alongside the simplicity of child-like faith.  Last St.Patrick's Day I came across a prayer by Saint Patrick.  It quickly became one of my favorite prayers, because it is filled with so much Scriptural truth.  It is a prayer that provides a framework for how I live my life.  But before we get to it, I just wanted to share two quotes by Eugene Peterson from Tell it Slant on the topic of prayer:

Prayer accomplishes with us, within our spirits, deep within our souls, what is later lived out in the circumstances and conditions of our obedience.  A stiff upper lip won't do it.  A fierce resolve won't do it.  An exemplary life won't do it.

Prayer goes beneath the surface and penetrates the heart of the matter... When we pray we willingly participate in what God is doing, without knowing precisely what God is doing, how God is doing it, or when we will know what is going on - if ever (pg.237)

May this prayer by Saint Patrick lead you and guide you as you journey on in Christ:

 As I arise today,

may the strength of God pilot me,

the power of God uphold me,

the wisdom of God guide me.

May the eye of God look before me,

the ear of God hear me,

the word of God speak for me.

May the hand of God protect me,

the way of God lie before me,

the shield of God defend me,

the host of God save me.

May Christ shield me today.

Christ with me, Christ before me,

Christ behind me,

Christ in me, Christ beneath me,

Christ above me,

Christ on my right, Christ on my left,

Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit,

Christ when I stand,

Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,

Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,

Christ in every eye that sees me,

Christ in every ear that hears me.

Amen

In Christ,

Saint Patrick's Prayer

Prayer is a profound mystery that envelops deep truth alongside the simplicity of child-like faith.  Last St.Patrick's Day I came across a prayer by Saint Patrick.  It quickly became one of my favorite prayers, because it is filled with so much Scriptural truth.  It is a prayer that provides a framework for how I live my life.  But before we get to it, I just wanted to share two quotes by Eugene Peterson from Tell it Slant on the topic of prayer:

Prayer accomplishes with us, within our spirits, deep within our souls, what is later lived out in the circumstances and conditions of our obedience.  A stiff upper lip won't do it.  A fierce resolve won't do it.  An exemplary life won't do it.

Prayer goes beneath the surface and penetrates the heart of the matter... When we pray we willingly participate in what God is doing, without knowing precisely what God is doing, how God is doing it, or when we will know what is going on - if ever (pg.237)

May this prayer by Saint Patrick lead you and guide you as you journey on in Christ:

 As I arise today,

may the strength of God pilot me,

the power of God uphold me,

the wisdom of God guide me.

May the eye of God look before me,

the ear of God hear me,

the word of God speak for me.

May the hand of God protect me,

the way of God lie before me,

the shield of God defend me,

the host of God save me.

May Christ shield me today.

Christ with me, Christ before me,

Christ behind me,

Christ in me, Christ beneath me,

Christ above me,

Christ on my right, Christ on my left,

Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit,

Christ when I stand,

Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,

Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,

Christ in every eye that sees me,

Christ in every ear that hears me.

Amen

In Christ,

With New Eyes

The Sermon on the Mount has been in the forefront of my mind the last several weeks, and I have been loving it.  I'll admit that there was a time in my life, when coming to that entire section filled me with dread, fear and condemnation.  But it no longer does that, instead it fills me with excitement and a desire to say, "Yes and Amen" to God's Kingdom, what He is doing in it and how He has invited us to participate.  Some of the leading influences in this excitement and changed perspective has come from NT Wright's 40 days of Lent, Todd Hunter's sermon Beatitudes (Feb 2, 2014), The Message's version of the sermon on the Mount and my own reflections on my life via the Holy Spirit.

The following post will be snippets from Matthew 5 with my own reflections interjected in-between.  I hope you enjoy:

I must start with the end, before I get to the beginning, because the end frames it up so well:

48 Live out your God-created identity. 

Live generously and graciously toward others,

 the way God lives toward you.

This is what Jesus is inviting us to throughout the Sermon on the Mount, in fact throughout His whole life as He proclaims, "God's Kingdom come on earth."

I got to get away this past weekend for a Women's Retreat with my church.  During the silent retreat time, I was overwhelmed by God's faithfulness to me and to my life.  I was filled with utter joy.  The past 10 years of my life have been filled with many hard, hopeless, tear-filled days.  There were times where I did not want to get out of bed because the pain in my heart was so deep.  But as I reflected on these times and the things that I have learned through it - I have realized that I have emerged with a deep trust in God's heart and His love for me and those who surround me.  This conviction has partially come from living out the truths found in the Sermon on the Mount.  I have realized that the very words of Jesus are true and living and do produce the life-giving Kingdom that He has promised.

Here are a few of the snippets that jumped out at me as I read through Matthew 5 this morning:

vs 5  “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are

—no more, no less. 

That’s the moment you find yourselves 

proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

Learning to be content in my own skin, with who God has created me has been one of the treasured lessons I have received out of this journey.

vs 6-9

6 “You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. 

He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.

7 “You’re blessed when you care. 

At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ 

you find yourselves cared for.

8 “You’re blessed when you get your inside world

—your mind and heart—

put right. 

Then you can see God in the outside world.

9 “You’re blessed when you can show people 

how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. 

That’s when you discover who you really are, 

and your place in God’s family.

This joy and love for God and His kingdom is being awakened during the season of Lent. Celebrating Lent is a fairly new concept for my faith-walk but it has been a beautiful experience.  As my pastor said during our Ash Wednesday service - Lent is not about beating yourself up and punishing yourself to try and get yourself to be acceptable before God.  Rather it is placing your sin at His feet and listening for His words of truth over you.  So as I've entered into this season - I have stopped to listen with new eyes and fresh ears to what God has to say, instead of my preconceived notions of what I think He should say.  The difference is beautiful.

Let me tell you why you are here. 

You’re here to be salt-seasoning that 

brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? 

14-16 “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. 

 If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? 

I’m putting you on a light stand.

 Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! 

For me, Lent is a season to reflect on these truth of being salt and light and remembering that I get to shine.  The spaces where godliness has diminished I get to bring before Him and let Him fix, heal and teach me.  For He says,

“Don’t suppose for a minute that I have come to demolish the Scriptures—either God’s Law or the Prophets. 

I’m not here to demolish but to complete. 

I am going to put it all together, pull it all together in a vast panorama.

God’s Law is more real and lasting than the stars in the sky and the ground at your feet. 

Long after stars burn out and earth wears out, God’s Law will be alive and working.

God's way seems backwards and sometimes it is hard.  And that's where this trust and understanding of what He is up to makes all the difference in the world:

You’re familiar with the command to the ancients, 

‘Do not murder.’ 

I’m telling you that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder. 

Carelessly call a brother ‘idiot!’ and you just might find yourself hauled into court. 

Thoughtlessly yell ‘stupid!’ at a sister and you are on the brink of hellfire.

The simple moral fact is that words kill.

This is not about the tit-and-tat of the law.  Rather it is about understanding the power we have as image-bearers of God.  The power of our words and of our hearts.  Self-indulgence in what feels good for the moment can have long-lasting negative effects on those we love (and do not love).  How then can we love?

“You’re familiar with the old written law, 

‘Love your friend,’ 

and its unwritten companion, 

‘Hate your enemy.’ 

I’m challenging that. 

I’m telling you to love your enemies. 

Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. 

When someone gives you a hard time,

respond with the energies of prayer, 

for then you are working out of your true selves, 

your God-created selves. 

This is what God does. 

He gives his best

—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—

to everyone, regardless: 

the good and bad, 

the nice and nasty. 

So we have come full circle.  Back to where we started:

Live out your God-created identity. 

Live generously and graciously toward others, 

the way God lives toward you.

My conclusion is that coming to know how God feels about me has enabled me to walk this out in my own life and as a result I am enjoying the fruits of this kind of living.  Even in the midst of the difficulties, the unknown, the darkness and the questions - clinging to God's way, loving the way that He loves - it is worth it.

In Christ,




All Scripture has come from BibleGateway's website.

Worrying

                                              

                                                                      

                                                                       Today I am thankful. 

Thankful for the Lord's amazing faithfulness and for all the lessons He has taught me that have brought me into a fuller and more peace-filled life. I am currently in a season of immense blessing. Years of prayers on different subjects have been answered and all I can do is stand in awe of the movements of The Lord. I recently started a full-time job working from home and I continue to homeschool so blogging has to fit in through the cracks. Unless The Lord smacks me with something overwhelming on my heart, I plan on recycling old posts. I don't mind, I like reflecting on what He has taught me - because I never get it the first time, or the second or the third...  So I hope you will still join me and enjoy looking through the lessons learned. 

A post from 2013:

Life has been stressful the last couple of months.  My husband has had some health issues that we have yet to find the root cause.  The next two weeks are full of busyness and as they've come closer I have found myself filled with dread.  One of my friend's texted me the other day to check in on me and I was going to text her back that "I just want to close my eyes and fast-forward through the next two weeks."  But as I went to write it, I felt a little check in my spirit and I was reminded of what the Lord has been teaching me over the last few weeks.

For the last month, my daily prayer time included the following verses:

Remember my affliction and my bitterness, •

the wormwood and the gall!

But this I call to mind, •

and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, •

his mercies never come to an end;

They are new every morning; •

great is your faithfulness.

‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, •

‘therefore I will hope in him.’

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, •

to the soul that seeks him.

It is good that we should wait quietly•

for the salvation of the Lord.

For the Lord will not reject for ever; •

though he causes grief, he will have compassion,

According to the abundance of his steadfast love; •

for he does not willingly afflict or grieve anyone.

Lamentations 1.12, 16a,b; 3.19, 21-26, 31-33

Reading and praying those verses everyday has been great preparation my heart and mind.  As each day came it was tolerable and actually a lot of days were for the most part good - but no matter what they were all filled with grace.  Grace of a handwritten note of love, emailed prayers and encouragement from friends, pulling out a freezer meal made by friend for a rainy day, texting my mom back and forth with notes of prayer requests, watching my daughter snuggle close to her dad, getting Starbucks dropped off just because... the list goes on and on.  

So as I thought about these verses and these moments of grace - I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God's mercies are new every morning and that He had been faithful to me everyday.  I also knew that it was safe for me to rest in His steadfast love.  But yet there were many moments when I thought about the "possibilities of the future" that hopelessness would begin to settle into my heart and then it dawned on me: Worrying is when I create a future void of God's grace. 

When I reflected on the past and I lived in the present I could see the grace of God and just as He promised His grace was sufficient in my weakness.  However, when I looked to the future it was bleak and it appeared too hard to walk through.  The missing component of all my future fears was that reality that God was still going to be present, able and loving no matter what happens.  As I venture forward, I have heard the whisper of God that He is a safe place for me to put my hope in and He will be faithful to my family every step of the way.  So I am leaving tomorrow in His hands and resting in the grace that He has provided for today.

In Christ, 

Jaime