This is post two in a series entitled: "Draw Me a Map That Leads Me Back to You." As I shared in the last post, when the reality of what my marriage started to become began settling in, I decided to solve it by going into fantasy land.
As I've talked with other women, I realize that my "solution" is a common solution women have to solving marriage issues. We find that it is so much easier to dream of a different and better life than to invest in the life that we actually live. While I wasn't having an affair, the fruit of my thoughts was just as dangerous and deadly. It caused me to withdraw my heart from my husband and my marriage. It made me dream and pray for God to create for me a better life - one that didn't include my husband. I am so thankful that God doesn't answer every prayer that we pray - because we often times have no idea what is best for us.
I cannot pinpoint an exact moment when I woke up to the reality that this had to stop and that it wasn't okay but there came a point when I eventually "resigned" myself to the fact that this truly was the man that I had chosen to marry (sigh) and decided to accept him for who he was. I began to stop all my "fantasies." I had made the choice to marry this man, not another, and I needed to learn how to love him.
As I did this, I also began to see some of the dangerous lies that our society speaks over "love" and to realize these lies truly do provide a trap for us. It might surprise you but the Bible does not talk about us having a "soul mate" nor does it talk about God having a pre-planned "perfect spouse" out there for you. When I was living in fantasy land I began to cling to these ideas and I gotten myself so caught up in the idea that I had "missed God's will" that I was trying to figure out ways to get myself back in "His will" - apart from my spouse. My husband, ever the practicalist, believes that we actually should be able to marry anyone and make it work. While this idea, for me, rids all romance, I think it speaks more to the truth of marriage than the other ideas listed above. God doesn't have a mapped out "plan" for you nor is He watching and tapping His toes waiting for you to get things right. He has told us to love Him and to love others and He has equipped us with the ability to do those very things. God's true will for me was to invest in my marriage and He could and would show me how to love my husband.
So no matter who you marry, whether you regret it or not, through Christ you have the ability to love that person well. The spouse you married is your spouse, period. "Becoming one flesh" is an act that occurs after "I do." The act of marriage itself is what seals the fact that you are with the "right person" for you. The cherry on top, however, is that marriage doesn't have to remain in the place of duty. Even as I write this, I realize that the Lord was probably smiling as I complained about my "whoa is me marriage." Yes, I had married a man exactly opposite of me, but when I woke back up to reality I realized my "one flesh" man completes me in so many ways.
As I realized that he was part of me, even if it was a part I didn't really like at the moment, he was none the less a part of me. It was time for me to embrace my flesh, accept him and learn to love him.
Below is a thought that was given to me during that period that brought life to my mind and my marriage as I encountered situations where I thought my ways would be way better than working with my spouse:
In Christ,
Photo courtesy Melanie Guest Photography
PS March 31, 2012 is the last day to participate in my survey, thanks: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/BJVSMTS
As I've talked with other women, I realize that my "solution" is a common solution women have to solving marriage issues. We find that it is so much easier to dream of a different and better life than to invest in the life that we actually live. While I wasn't having an affair, the fruit of my thoughts was just as dangerous and deadly. It caused me to withdraw my heart from my husband and my marriage. It made me dream and pray for God to create for me a better life - one that didn't include my husband. I am so thankful that God doesn't answer every prayer that we pray - because we often times have no idea what is best for us.
I cannot pinpoint an exact moment when I woke up to the reality that this had to stop and that it wasn't okay but there came a point when I eventually "resigned" myself to the fact that this truly was the man that I had chosen to marry (sigh) and decided to accept him for who he was. I began to stop all my "fantasies." I had made the choice to marry this man, not another, and I needed to learn how to love him.
As I did this, I also began to see some of the dangerous lies that our society speaks over "love" and to realize these lies truly do provide a trap for us. It might surprise you but the Bible does not talk about us having a "soul mate" nor does it talk about God having a pre-planned "perfect spouse" out there for you. When I was living in fantasy land I began to cling to these ideas and I gotten myself so caught up in the idea that I had "missed God's will" that I was trying to figure out ways to get myself back in "His will" - apart from my spouse. My husband, ever the practicalist, believes that we actually should be able to marry anyone and make it work. While this idea, for me, rids all romance, I think it speaks more to the truth of marriage than the other ideas listed above. God doesn't have a mapped out "plan" for you nor is He watching and tapping His toes waiting for you to get things right. He has told us to love Him and to love others and He has equipped us with the ability to do those very things. God's true will for me was to invest in my marriage and He could and would show me how to love my husband.
So no matter who you marry, whether you regret it or not, through Christ you have the ability to love that person well. The spouse you married is your spouse, period. "Becoming one flesh" is an act that occurs after "I do." The act of marriage itself is what seals the fact that you are with the "right person" for you. The cherry on top, however, is that marriage doesn't have to remain in the place of duty. Even as I write this, I realize that the Lord was probably smiling as I complained about my "whoa is me marriage." Yes, I had married a man exactly opposite of me, but when I woke back up to reality I realized my "one flesh" man completes me in so many ways.
As I realized that he was part of me, even if it was a part I didn't really like at the moment, he was none the less a part of me. It was time for me to embrace my flesh, accept him and learn to love him.
Below is a thought that was given to me during that period that brought life to my mind and my marriage as I encountered situations where I thought my ways would be way better than working with my spouse:
God does not need to circumvent His design
to make His will happen.
In Christ,
Photo courtesy Melanie Guest Photography
PS March 31, 2012 is the last day to participate in my survey, thanks: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/BJVSMTS
God is so good!
ReplyDeleteIt is easy to wonder if we were supposed to marry somebody else... would my life be better if I would have married Mr So & So. Well probably not!
I look at my husband and am so thankful we have each other :)
Even though there were times when Satan did allow doubt to arise!!
Probably not is right! We'd probably have a whole different set of problems plus we would still be ourselves:)!
ReplyDelete