Ready to dream again

Have you ever seen pieces of your heart written on the pages of a book? Your secret thoughts put into words? It is an amazing experience when it happens and for me it is one of those "wow" moments when you realize this life we are living in is bigger than were are as individuals. I am currently reading An Unstoppable Force by Erwin McManus. This book discusses thoughts on how the church was designed to operate. I told my friend that as I read through this book, I am savoring it.  It has been written in a life-giving style that I want to have permeate my own life. This week, I've had a wide variety of thoughts spinning in my own head and as I read the book there were my dreams written out in black and white.

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Disclaimer: I don't really know why I write this blog.  I know that I don't write it to be a theological discourse.  My prayer behind this blog is that people will see that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are real, living and active in our lives today.  Hopefully, by reading my story, it will encourage you to look for and see the fingerprints of God in your own life and to receive His love in greater measure.

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I had the privilege of growing up in Christianity.  I can remember going to VBS when I was around 7 and learning John 3:16.  I can remember singing, "If your happy and you know it, clap your hands."  It was a fun, beautiful time and I remember the joy and laughter of community.  I then had the blessing of going to a Christian School from 4th grade up.  We had Bible everyday and Chapel once a week.  I remember worshipping God and falling more and more in love with Him.  I remember graduating and realizing that over half of the people in my small class no longer wanted anything to do with God.  I remember going to a secular college and sitting through class after class where I felt my faith was attacked.  I remember being grateful to be living at home and having a landing place to get re-centered.  I can than remember getting the opportunity to teach at a Christian school and again getting to talk about God everyday and worship with other Christians.  At that time, I started attending a beautiful church that shared the message of grace in a way that I had never heard before and I fell more and more in love with this beautiful Saviour that I remember hearing about way back when.  After having my first child, I started my first Women's Group and began having the opportunity of sharing God's love with others.  

A couple of years ago, the peace, calmness and ease of my faith began to shake.  The loss of my beautiful niece, Nevaeh, was a heartbreaking loss.  Part of recovering from that loss, involved delving into theology.  As I entered into this realm, it was like I entered into a different side of Christianity and started realizing that there were large amounts of varying opinions out there on what is salvation, is there healing today, what version of the Bible is the accurate version, what does Hell mean, is Creation literal or figurative....  As I begin to focus exclusively on these things I began to see the discord and disagreement between believers.  At times, it has been shocking and heartbreaking to me.  There have been so many days when I have longed to drop into a hole and return to the innocence of my childhood, when loving God was as simple and joyful as John 3:16 and I worshipped with other Christians in a common purpose of celebrating His love and sharing it with others.  The last several mornings, I have woken up and felt like I have been treading water ~ organizing thoughts ~ trying to figure out what exactly this means and that means...  And then I read the next chapter in An Unstoppable Force and there was peace.  I didn't have to keep kicking to keep my head above water, I could just float.  In that chapter, I heard what my heart's been longing to hear, but haven't been able to connect with my head for a while now.  I was reminded of what I believe and why.  I believe in the Bible and I believe in the God of the Bible who gets involved in people's personal stories and that He desires all men to be saved.  I believe we are instruments in a bigger story and we have the privilege of partnering with God in bringing the depth of His love to others ~ whether through the encouragement of other believers or loving the lost right where they are at and believing that the power of God's love will awaken their hearts to Him.  I want to see God glorified in and through others.  As I look back at the history of my Christian journey I see that community and love has carried me through.  It has drawn me closer to the heart of my Father and it has given me the ability to love people in ways I didn't know were possible.  

So with all that being said, I am ready to dream again.  I am ready to sail through the journey of faith with the Holy Spirit as my wind and the Bible as my rudder and anchor.  I know that at times it will take me into unknown territory and perhaps even failure, but I have seen the hand of God, the power of His redemption, I have felt His love and I want to walk with Him and with those He has put in my life in a way that strengthens and encourages us to run the race set before us.

In Christ,